Is there any issues with adopting a toddler who is close in age to our first adopted son?

Question

Does anybody have any experience with this? Should they be a little older, a little younger? Should they be the same gender or a different gender? I'm looking for any experiences, research, etc... on the family dynamics of a situation like this. All suggestions are welcome.

Answer 1

I don't think gender would really make a difference, but I would talk to your son about it before you bring his new sibling home and prepare him for his new sibling.  It will be an adjustment to have to share mommy and daddy with a new sibling, so giving him some time to think about it and know what to expect will always be helpful.

If you have pictures of his new sibling, show them to him; describe his new brother or sister to him; find ways to let the two of them do fun bonding things together.  

And, make sure to plan some special time with just you and him once his new sibling arrives...just so he knows you still love him, because I'm sure you will be focusing a LOT of attention on the new arrival at first, and you certainly don't want him to feel left out!

Good luck.

Answer 2

Your decision to adopt is so loving it will not matter one bit,what how or when,younger,older or anything else. The nature of love transcends all other. Bless you. Good luck!

Answer 3

Artificial twinning and adopting out of birth order are both risk factors for disruption.  This doesn't mean that it's never successfully done.  It does mean that you need to know your child already in the home and how he/she will respond to the new sibling and have as much information about the needs of the child you are considering so that you can make an informed decision.

eta:  artificial twinning is especially tricky for toddlers.  The new child in the family will most likely have different needs, attachment, developmentally and behaviorally and discipline wise.  Your toddler already in your family understandably will not be able to understand the difference in treatment and may possibly respond very poorly to it.  Toddlers usually respond better if a new family member who is an infant.  This is an example of a big issue that can come up.  Toddler adoption in general is difficult.  

Read "Toddler Adoption:  The Weaver's Craft?"

Answer 4

Their relationships and age will be one of mutual benefit with each being so close in age that any disparity will be minimal . They will both go through the process of maturation into adulthood together sharing the vicissitudes and vagaries of life together will probably help cement the bonds of these two siblings long into their relationships , with consideration given the fact that the two will have a longer relationship with each other than they will with their parents .

:0)

Answer 5

k, adopting the same age is fine, younger is fine. DON'T ADOPT AN OLDER CHILD. I think your current child would feel bad. Going from an only child to a older sibling is a huge change... just imagine what he would feel like if he went from an only child to a younger sibling.

Answer 6

no

Answer 7

Most adoption agencies recommend that if you adopt a child it has to be the youngest child in the household.

Answer 8

check out my website about adopting siblings. You will get some good information about that.

My girls are 5,4,and 2 - It's WONDERFUL having my bio kids and adopted kids so close in age. They get along great, but it will depend on they dynamic of your own family.

adoptive-parenting.com

Answer 9

I wouldn't mess around with birth order, so you should adopt younger.  Most agencies won't let you disrupt the birthorder either. If you request a specific gender it often takes longer to adopt.

I asked this question to my 9 1/2 yr old girl Maya and my 9 yr old girl Sav.  

Sav said, being close in age is a good thing because they will have someone to play with and she can't think of anything bad.

Maya said its good thing to be close in age because you have who shares similar interest with you growing up.  Nothing bad at the moment.

Sav edits saying Maya is twice as big as her and when she hits it really hurts.  So try to make sure they are the same size.  lol.

I asked them they don't seem as close now.  Well, we were when we were little and besides its just a phase we are going thru right now. Geez mom!

Hope we helped.

Good Luck

Answer 10

Would be asking the same question if you were HAVING  a child of your own? A child's life, no matter what age, is a Blessing!!! Good luck to you and your extended family. I was adopted when I was 2 days old and my sisters were 16 and 18 years old when I came into their lives.

Answer 11

Hello,

There is research against "artificial twinning".  Often unless the children are twinned from birth, developmental issues and delays can occur or so says the research.

I think though that what works for you family depends on the dvelopmental needs of both your children.

Answer 12

It won't matter to the kids.  If they are close enough in age they'll feel like twins.  It may matter to you trying to keep up with two toddlers at once!  lol!  Have fun.

Answer 13

The only thing I've ever heard is that the child in the home is supposed to be OLDER than the new sibling.