Is there any way I can get him back home?

Question

My 16 years old son, Andre who was took out of the country to South Africa by his father without my permission when he was twelve. He provided false information claiming he’s sixteen to get in South Africa army when he was fourteen. At fifteen, he deserted to Belgrade, Serbia. Now he’s working for one of the top fashion photographer in Serbia.

I really don’t know what I’ll do about this yet. He seems to have his life together, he have always wanted to be a photographer ever since he was a boy and have been selling stock photograph since he got taken to Africa. Now he’s assistant photographer for high fashion photographer and still selling stock photograph. He also has a girlfriend who is twenty years old and in college studying veterinary. He says he and his girlfriend is going to start looking for a house to buy by late winter or early spring.

I’ve not seen him since he was twelve. We are still trying to decide on what to do. He doesn’t want to come here, I’m guessing out of fear he’ll be made to stay. I don’t feel comfortable about going to Serbia. He suggests us to meet him and his girlfriend in Prague in late Sept when he’ll be there to help his boss doing photography for a fashion show. I don’t know if I’m comfortable with this idea. I want to be able to get him home if I feel it is the best thing for him.

He clearly doesn’t want to come back home. But I want him to come home and finish raises him and so he can enjoy being a kid again, finish school, and attend college. Also the whole family really misses him and would love to have him back. But my husband say it’s a bad idea since he already show he’s very capable of eluding again and already a adult and on a good path.

I’m still trying to decide if I’ll make him come back or not. But if I was to make him come home, what would be the best way to do it? Should I do anything before I go to Prague just in case I want him to come home? Should I contact embassy? Will he end up with crime record? What would it be like to try finish raising someone like him? Will he be a danger to the family and others, considering he was in military for a little more than year? What will happen if he stayed here against his will and finish school? Will he be able to escape back to Serbia? Is there anything else I should look or check into?

I really don’t know what I will do. But if I feel he’s better off being home, I’ll try to get him home. If he’s doing as well as he say then I probably will not make him come home. I just want to look at all option on the table and be prepared for anything.

Answer 1

As much as you would love to have your son come home and just take up where he left off, he has lived more in the last few years than a lot of people do their whole lives.  He is doing well for himself now and doesn't want to come home and be that little kid again.  You're going to have to start viewing him, not as the little kid who was taken from you, but as an adult living his life.  He does want a relationship with you, so please take advantage of that - be there for him in whatever capacity you can even if it isn't what you had in mind.

Answer 2

probably not

Answer 3

you need to go to take it to court and you need to fight for it

he broke the law

Answer 4

NO000, He is your son, not your SLAVE . go visit and send us some pictures,please, no you don't know what is best for him.he is not a" KID"

Answer 5

Being a mom I can totally understand your frustration. I also understand being apart from your family for a long time and not by choice!

My son is 15 and I do not feel next year he'd be ready to be totally self- sufficient but my son is growing up pretty sheltered. No matter what you have to get yourself to prague. He needs your love first and foremost.

You can assess the situation after you spend some time with him. I think at 16 and given the situation, he deserves a certain amount of respect as a young man.

Sorry to say, his childhood is probably already over. Sometimes in life we have to work with what we're dealt.To be frank, I'm a little concerned that your first priority is getting to him ASAP so you can hug him and give him the kisses he's been without for so long. As for the need to control the situation.... cross that bridge when you come to it. He hasn't seen you in years!!!!