Is there any way to address this matter when sending invites to the wedding?

Question

Kids will be invited to our wedding because attending will require overnight travel and we are including some kids in our wedding party. I'd really like to know if there is any way to specify at the time of the invitation that parents will be responsible for the supervision of their own children at the wedding.

Here's why - - Our engagement party was just over this past weekend and a number of the children in attendance (who will also be invited to the wedding) got very much out of hand.

I'm talking running into people who were carrying food & drinks causing spills.

Then running around the hall with balloons in tow and almost trashing the chandeliers (because the balloons were getting stuck between the crystal parts and they were just trying to yank them out of the chandelier).

One of the mothers approached my friend - who had brought activities for her daughter to do - and asked my friend to watch her son and let him have the coloring book she had brought for her daughter (which the daughter was quietly coloring in). Her son is totally wild and I don't blame my friend for declining.

When it came time for the cake cutting, the kids were totally in the way, grabbing for cake, reaching to stick their fingers in it before it was cut to "claim" their piece, etc - - my Mom had to stand there and tell them "don't touch the cake".

I cannot afford to hire a sitter for my guests unruly kids (I'm already paying over $12-grand to feed everyone at the wedding). I will have some crafts and coloring activities for the kids, but I do expect the parents to supervise their kids. The whole TV in another room is not an option - - and it encourages dropping the kids in an out of the way place where they won't be supervised.

Is there a way to add a note to invites stating "the children in the family are welcome and wanted to attend, but parents need to ensure their children are supervised during the festivities".

Or should I maybe have a general discussion with the parents before the wedding to tell them that they need to keep an eye on their children if they are coming to the wedding?

I can't envision a tactful way to address this problem, but I don't want a wedding day wrecked by wild kids breaking things or causing damage to the hall. The saddest part is that some of the children were really well behaved at the party and I enjoyed seeing them and really would want them to come to the wedding and not be discouraged.

Please give me some ideas!

Answer 1

I think you are in a really tough situation! The parents of the children couldn't even control them at the engagement party, so I don't think they will control them at the wedding. I am afraid putting the line in abour supervising their own children will offend those with good manners and go over the heads of those with bad manners. It seems like a baby sitter would be your best bet - maybe a relative of a friend would do it cheaply. Good luck!

Answer 2

Hi.  Now....this is a GREAT QUESTION!!  I can't believe no one has asked this yet.

Wow....I don't know what to tell you.  I am in TOTAL AGREEMENT (about the supervision.)  Here is my story of what happenend at my son's wedding:

~ I ordered 250 roses wholesale for my son's wedding reception centerpieces, flowers for the church, flowers for the rehearsal dinner, etc.  

~ You can imagine how long it took to unload these, cut them, put them in water.  Then the next day, my sister and I did up all the arrangements.  Well, they were not really arrangements, just putting them in vases, but it took a long time.

~ We then transported them to the rehearsal site, reception site, church, etc.  But it was all fun!!

~ Midway through the reception, I see some rose petals on the dance floor.  I thought to myself...hmmmm....I wonder how that happened? (Thinking it was from the bridal bouquet toss).  I proceed to chat with some friends, etc. when my sister comes up to me (the one who helped me with all of this), and says that there is a little girl (about 9) who is pulling the roses out of the vases from the centerpieces and proceeding to pull them apart and scatter them on the floor!!

Well, you can imagine how mad I was!  I went over to her (with a fistful of roses in her hand) and grabbed them from her and said "what are you doing?  Stop that immediately!"  Now....WHERE WERE THE PARENTS?   Why did no one stop her?  Ohhh....I was so pissed.  Then you can imagine how icky the dance floor got with all those ground in rose petals all over.

Anyway, back to you......I would DEFINITELY say something to all the parents!  I live in a small town where there are TONS of kids at the reception (usually catching the bouquet....another irritant of mine), so I have seen it all.  From cakes almost being toppled over, to running rampant, to pulling bows off of gifts and tossing them everywhere....you name it, I have seen it.

NO, there is no tactful way to do this....but the parents obviously need to be given some rules for their children!  Obviously, you know the ones who need talking to so I would go ahead and do it.  If they (parents) are miffed....too bad.

Answer 3

I think I would identify the problem children and then proceed to contact members from that branch of the family to discuss the situation.  Someone in that family realizes that the kids are unruly and has had to make arrangements to handle them in the past.  Knowing this individual is a key item!  

We've got a few wild ones, but we're close enough to the kids and the parents that we **pardon me for this one** told the children there were lots of time out closets at the church and the reception hall and 'it would be a shame to miss the wedding because you're stuck in the closet'.  At this point, we have about 10 kids going around telling the others to be good or else all of  them will be locked in closets.  Of course, the closets are all haunted now and they will never been seen again, but their imaginations are doing far more for behavior than we could!

Talk to somebody related to these parents and see if you can find a past solution that has worked for them.  Perhaps they have a niece or someone else who the child respects that could be invited along or could recommend sending the child to spend time with other relatives for the evening?

Best wishes!!!!!!!!

Answer 4

I'm a bridal coordinator, and a parent here, so maybe I can offer a few ideas.  First of all, the worst thing you can do is to insinuate to any parent that their darling little angel is an uncontrollable little brat.  My kids are 18 and 14, but I've dealt with my fair share of screaming 8-10 year olds running wild, and those were almost always the parents who thought their children were simply perfect.  It's the parents whose children are generally well behaved who are usually apologizing for thier behavior, so sticking a note in your invites will offend the parents who you're probably not concerned with anyway, and those you are addressing it to will think it applies to someone else.  

If you feel you MUST address this issue, I would do so with individual parents only--don't try to do it in a group setting.  If your cousin Miranda's children were unruly little heathens at your engagement party, then talk with Miranda about it, explain how you really want your wedding to be elegant, etc., and would she PLEASE keep a closer eye on her children at the wedding?  

Having said that--kids will be kids, and many people think that a wedding simply isn't the place for them.  I don't know the ages of the children in question, but kids are going to be kids no matter how old they are.  Expecting them to sit starched and ruffly and quiet just isn't going to work, no matter how you explain it to the parents.  My younger sister expected it for her wedding this past year, and then got upset when our not quite 2 year old nephew literally brought down the wedding cake table (thankfully the cake wasn't on it yet!)--his parents were watching him, but ask any parent and they'll tell you sometimes the 2 year old is much faster than the adult.  

Maybe you could talk with parents, and have a few of them pay for an on-site sitter in a separate room.  As a parent, I would be willing to do that for a wedding I was attending, especially if it were someone I was close to, like a family member or close friend.  My brother and I had even offered to do it for our sister's wedding, and she refused.  In the end, she agreed she should've taken us up on our offer.  EVERYONE would've been much happier in the end.  Parents can enjoy the wedding more, because they know the kids are cared for.  Kids enjoy it more, because they don't have to sit when they don't want to, they can run around, and in general be kids.  The couple enjoys it more because there are no hordes of kids running into people, spilling things, etc.  Think about it.  

I wish you all the best!  Good luck!

Answer 5

The only problem is, is that the parents who have the well behaved children are the only ones that are going to get what you are saying.  The ones who have the unruly, misbehaved kids will hear it in one ear and out the other.  There is only so much you can do and then it is what it is.  I'm sorry your engagement party turned out that way and that's what you remember.  I just hope the wedding isn't Part 2.  

Answer 6

This is precicely why we're not inviting kids. We're also having a destination wedding, but the mere thought of kids running around made me sick to my stomach, and I knew there was no way to politely tell the parents of the misbehaved ones to keep them under wraps.

My only suggestion to you would be to take it upon yourselves to hire a sitter for all the kids, or create some sort of play area with coloring books and crayons and other non-loud toys to keep them occupied. I agree with the answerer that said, "It's the parents of the bad kids that won't understand and take offense."

That might be your best bet to ensure your wedding day is free of kid-related disasters. If money is a concern, may you could ask the parents what they all think about the idea, and if they'd be willing to pitch in for the service (as in, you pay for your own kid, but you'll be free for the whole night at the reception). Mention it to some to see what their reactions are and feel it out to see if it's something they'd go for.

I hope that helps. I'm so sorry to hear about your engagement party.

Answer 7

Its a sad day when you have to remind parents to... parent.  This is tough because it is very touchy with people.  They may get offended that they are being told what to do.   Really there isn't a tactful way to address the issue.  The best ideas have been posted so far.  1) Ask a teenager to keep an eye on the kids. 2) Post what you have said on the invites (which sounds fine to me) but be prepared for some "insulted" guests. I also think the first poster is correct, you can place it on the invite but those "parents" aren't going to get it.  If they wouldn't bother to keep them in line at your engagement party why would they at the wedding? The only other thought I had was, can you have a friend or family member make some calls or gently remind those folks they need to watch the children this time? Or you might just consider springing for a babysitter or seeing if others would chip in for you, it might just save the day.

I'm sorry to hear this! It sounds like you are in a terrible position.

Answer 8

Wow!  If I were you I might consider having an adults only reception(except for the kids in the wedding)!  Your guest's children are not your responsibility...especially on your wedding day!  I don't know how you would word this in the invitation.  Is it possible to have a talk with the kids' parents, using the engagement party as an example of what you DON'T want happening at your wedding?  If you aren't close enough with the parents of the troublemaking kids to have this talk, I would suggest just not inviting their children.  Maybe it sounds mean, but if they can't control their kids, you shouldn't feel bad about not inviting the kids.

Good luck!

Answer 9

You didn't mention where your event will be held, but a friend had a wedding at a hotel recently, and rented a seperate room for the kids, full of toys, and hired a babysitter for the day. It cost her a bit, but it was well, well worth the money to not have the kids underfoot and running around like crazy. Get responsible people to watch them, and then you'll be able to enjoy your wedding ... and so will their parents!

Answer 10

The problem is not the kids, its the parents.  If I were you I would really rethink the babysitting option.  The extra expense may be worth it.  No matter how you word it, parents who would let their kids behave like this, won't get it.  

Answer 11

ask your teenage cousins etc. to help keep an eye on the kids. they can take shifts. if its family im sure they wont mind too much especially if there are enough to take shifts.

Answer 12

Oh my.

My suggestion is for you to approach the "offenders" in case and tactfully say that adult supervision is respectfully requested for their children.

I realy do nlt think is appropriate to print such statement on an invitation without sounding demading, but under the circumstances, I would rather have a smal etiquette faux pas than unruly kids ruining my wedding day. I would say: "The couple respectfully requests for parents to control their children on our wedding day and would like the santicty of the ocassion to be respected."

Maybe making "cards" for those with the children in question?

Parent knows when their kids are out of control. Chances are they take the hint and leave them with the sitter.

Good luck

PS/Please answer my question:, your opinion is valued!

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 13

It's really a shame you even need to say anything, parents should know to supervise their children.

My first thought was putting in something a little cheeky like, "Well behaved children are welcome and wanted to attend." Otherwise how you have it worded sounds good to me.

I was going to recommend bringing in coloring books, etc., but it seems like you have that under control.

Is there a way you could get some of the older children/teenage relatives to keep an eye on the younger children "as a wedding gift to you?"

Good luck and congratulations!

Answer 14

We have the same problem but not just at weddings. Each half of my family is angry at the other half because A) parents that let their kids act like hellions and B) the parents that can not believe that anyone would say their kids are not angels.

We are now reduced to not spending holidays together because of the feud. When the two sets of parents were spoken to about keeping the children under control during family get-togethers, they hit the ceiling and accused everyone else of not being perfect parents rather than address the fact that many people can not stand to spend long (over 30 minutes) periods of time with their kids in the area.

Your best bet would be to hire babysitters (allow 1 sitter for every 4 kids) and tell all parents that facilities are provided. Do this by word of mouth. When it comes to the wedding, make sure that ushers know which parents to strongly suggest that they take advantage of the sitters.

Answer 15

I think it's an absolute sin that you even need to address this issue, but then again, lots of adults have no manners, so it's no surprise their offspring lack in that area as well. Firstly, I would try to spread through word of mouth that (in a nice way) you don't prefer a repeat of the previous party. If you don't think that's enough, you can, as others have suggested include in the invitation "Children are welcome at the reception, however no additional childcare will be provided to parents who wish to include their children." I think however you do it, there will most certainly be several fools who don't watch their kids. In lieu of word of mouth or putting it in writing, you can always have a direct discussion with those likely to offend and tell them you heard the hall is very strict about children running about. This way, the blame is off you.  

Answer 16

Keep it off of the invitation.I think a casual reminder that there are no sitters when they RSVP should be a nice hint.

"I can't wait to see you and little Susie! Just a heads up though, there won't be a sitter there and the hall will have some fragile decorations and doesn't have much room for the kids to play, so you may want to bring a few things to help keep her occupied."

Not any challenge to their parenting, just noting that no one else will be watching their kids and they can't roam free.  

Answer 17

You need to have some else handle up on the issue.  My memaw took care of this with my step-sister.  Her kids are wild, and I didn't want to have to handle it on my wedding day.  It would probably be wise to have a third party have a talk with the parents.  If your mom isn't bashful have her take care of the situation.  That's just one more thing you don't want to have to take care of.  

Answer 18

It amazes me that you have to tell the parents anything at all. Usually when you have your child with you then you keep an eye on them - but obviously there are some parents that don't do that.

Here is what you could do. You could add a little slip card in the invitations that you are sending to people with children. You can say something like, "No childcare will be provided. Parents must be responsible for their own children."

Hopefully that will get the point across...but then again, if these parents need to be told to watch their own children then they might not get it.

Perhaps you can provide some activities for the children to participate in. Maybe you could put some coloring books on the table, etc.

Answer 19

There is no polite or tactful way to tell your rude, child-bearing guests to keep their brats in check.  Do not reference this on your invites, website, word of mouth, or anything.  Do not have conversations about it with your guests, to do so implies that you don't agree with the way they have raised and care for their children.

If you don't want children to misbehave at your wedding, then don't include them. If you include them, you must be prepared for the fact that parents aren't always responsible enough to ensure their children behave.