Is there anyone out there who is/was un affectionate(if even a word lol)?

Question

I have a very bad problem that I'm not too affectionate. I was never really cuddled and kissed as a kid. I went through so much as a child. I always had to be strong for myself and mysituationss. Always had to hide my feelings and act like everything was ok. Now, it's followed me to the present. It effects my relationship and my parenting. I just wanted to know if anyone else had these problems and how did you deal with them?

Answer 1

I don't remember my mother ever touching me as a child. As an adult, when she tries to hug me or give me a kiss (we live on opposite ends of the continent) hello or goodbye, I feel uncomfortable and don't know how to react. Because of this, it has been very hard for me to be physically affectionate with my son. When he was a small baby, of course, I was able to cuddle and hold him, but as he gets older I find it more and more difficult to be physical with him. As for my husband... well, I just chose a mate who is not physically affectionate either so that worked out well for me.

With my son, I know that he needs physical affection and I try very hard to give it to him. I consciously remind myself when we are all sitting on the couch watching TV to pull him over to me to cuddle (he's 10 now). If I don't feel like I can cuddle him, I try tickling him, or messing up his hair, or putting him in a headlock. Any sort of silly, fun, horseplay that gives him the physical contact that I know children need. When he climbs on me I try to give him 10 full minutes of cuddle time before I ask him to go play for a bit. It never gets any more natural, but I love my son and I know he deserves to be touched and hugged, so I "push past the pain" as they say, and do it anyway.

Just remind yourself that your loved ones need this from you and try to go out of your way to do this for them. Give your partner massages, or put your feet on their lap when you sit on the couch together. Rough-house with your kids so that they can have physical contact that doesn't make you as uncomfortable. Small things make it easier to remember to be more affectionate throughout the day. The important thing to remember is that touching is normal and necessary to the development of healthy relationships. Do what you can, your family will know that you love them.

Answer 2

dont really have an answers for you but i just wanted to tell you i sympathize with you. i grew up the same way and thats affected me so much in my life. i hate being so cold sometimes even though i try to be affectionate. im still trying to find a way to deal with that. im not a parent yet so hopefully i'll be able to deal with this when the time comes. something that might help you is to talk to someone about it. i mean like a therapist or just someone that you completely trust so that you can get all those feelings out from your childhood. maybe once youve let it all out and youve got that off your chest you can finally be who you want to be.

i still havent fond the courage to talk to someone about this but i hope i do soon. really hope i helped you.