Is there anyone who still think about their first love...even if has ended years ago?

Question

i've been married for 3 years now...and have the most loving husband ever...but i cant forget my ex-boyfriend. he was my 1st love and only love till i met my husband. Moreover life was never peaceful or happy with my ex during the 2 years i spent with him. he always hurted me everyway possible...and still i cant hate him.. i want to love my husband with all my heart...but i cant... can anyone plz help?

Answer 1

Several things are going on here.  None terrible.

You just need to "understand" that it is very human and natural to still remember how good loving feels.

AND it is very possible to have TRUE LOVE more than once in your lifetime.  Human's are built that way, to be able to love again, for the survival of the species.

That has nothing to do with what was bad in the relationship.  What was bad  is the WHY it ended.

But, after you have lived long, and loved many times, you will learn that no TRUE LOVE ever totally dies.

What you had in your heart for your ex could have been "true love"...but being with that guy wasn't working, so splitting was the answer.

And yes, you DO also have TRUE LOVE with your husband as well. Except this time, it's all the better, because the other parts of the relationship are good too!!!  

You CAN love your husband with all your heart, once you realize that HE is the man you are supposed to be with now and in this place.

God never takes away something dear to us, without give us something even better in it's place.

Example:  As couple I know are both widow/ers, and they very much loved their deceased spouses.  Both were totally devastated at their loss.  Until they became friends, and then fell in love, and

now, they love each other even more than their first beloveds.  They are VERY HAPPY together, and laugh everyday.

Do they still think about their lost one's?  Yes, of course...but as time passes, those memories dim,

and the NEW CHAPTER in their lives together becomes longer and better.

It is the same for you.  You have a wonderful loving husband now.  Relax, and let time heal your old wounds, and let the new love for your husband grow and grow.  Look at him, and be thankful for him.  He's your true Prince Charming.

  

Answer 2

I still think about an old love of mine. It's been like 20 years ago and I still think about them and wonder what they are doing these days.

Answer 3

i had few boyfriends but ever really loved any of them till i met one he was wonderful fell head over heels in love with him then he left me got married  about 10 years ago they split up he came back we still in love very much we adore each other so he was and is and always will be my one and only first love by way am 50

Answer 4

I still think about my first boyfriend and the first time he kissed me. Just amazing. But i still love my fiance

Answer 5

You are crazy to be even thinkin about your first love vvhen you are married for 3 years i have a georgeous boyfriend that i have been vvith for almost 9 months and i vvould never even dream of thinking of a true love no vvay !  

Answer 6

nope, you never forget your first love. because they were always the ones who introduced you to love, who made you fall so hard into love. you and your first love shared those moments together which you never experianced before. you felt something special and unique for them, because they were special and unique, thats why you don't forget them, because youve never experianced these things before. but if he hurt you in every way possible, thats probably a huge reason why you can't forget him, because when you get into a new relationship you try and stop yourself from getting into the same situation as before, but you only know how to stop it reoccuring is by thinking and remembering your ex and what he did to you.

the best way is to never think about the good things in your ex, but the bad things and what he did to you.

do you really ever want to re live what the relationship was like if you were never happy?

you're with your husband now because youre happy in this relationship and you love him. you're with your husband now because he's at least ten times better than your ex.

you can't love you husband with all your heart because its natural to always love your first love no matter how much they hurt you.

but all you can do is try your hardest to love your husband and show him that you love him. let him know, any let yourself know that there's no one else you want except for each other :)

x

Answer 7

I used to think about him all the time but not any more.  I realized that a lot of what I thought was romanticized.

Answer 8

Course that normal.  But that ex is a different person now, not the dude you went with years back.  Folk Change and so do you.  Just cause you like thinking back on all that s*x you had with your ex dont mean nothin.  just know that that person is done and gone and you gots yourself a new one to loves.  now ask yourself why you cant enjoy the memory of one and the company of the other?  Aint no thing to fondly remember something, just dont live in the past girl.

Answer 9

Every time you catch your self thinking about your ex force yourself to think of all the c**p he put you through and the pain he caused you. Then think about your husband and all the good times.

Answer 10

No, a little bit of you will always love him, he was your first, no-one can take his place, he's in your life and your mind for the rest of it and it hurts lol.

Answer 11

Focus on the reality and not on the fantasy.  The guy was jerk!    

Answer 12

I have a WONDERFUL boyfriend, but I can't help sometimes to think of two of my past relationships, so you are not alone.

The past two relationships couldn't even hold a CANDLE to the one I am in now, but I always stop to think what they are doing now and if they are happy.  

Then I think of what it would be like if we were still together and focus on the bad things about them - and it helps make me not wonder anymore.  I don't know if that makes sense.

I think the best technique is to 'catalog' what you love about your husband and what you hate - and do the same for your ex.  Concentrate on the things you hate about your ex and imagine if you could ever live that way again.  I think you will realize that you made the right decision.

Also reverse the situation: imagine your husband thinking the same as you are about on of his exes.  How would that make you feel?

Answer 13

i think the first person you love will always have a special place in your heart, even if it didn't turn out good. the first guy i fell in love with [madly in love-it lasted almost 2yrs] never loved me in return in that way and he was even with a different girl so it was totally helpless for me. it was h**l, but even though that  was a few years back, i've never totally gotten over him. i think it's like that for most people.

Answer 14

I'm 50 yrs old and I still occasionally think about my first love when I was 15-16.

However, your problem is, I believe, that you subconsciously prefer to be mistreated. That is how you perceive love to be. And since your current husband treats you great you are not satisfied by that.

I'd get some help fast if I were you or you will spend you life seeking out those mistreat you.

Answer 15

i did that for 5 years.  (i wasnt married or anything... ) and i was afraid that he would get married and have a family and i would still be sitting there miserable over him. i ran into his cousin while i was at work one day and i got his phone number. that was about a year and a half ago. we are getting married next month :-)  

Answer 16

I'm married as well and still think about a love from my past. I don't think of him in a way of "what if I married him instead" so I don't really feel like I'm hurting my husband or our relationship. It was just a different time in my life and a different experience that I really enjoyed and loved for what it was... But not nearly as much as a I love my husband and the life we share. It's perfectly normal not to forget about your past and the people in it... Even if they were hard times, it's part of what's made you who you are today. Don't be so hard on yourself... You're human, you can't erase your memory, or force yourself to lose feelings that were very strong at one time.

Answer 17

No--there are 26 years under that bridge!

Answer 18

you never stop loving your first love

Answer 19

i want to love my husband with all my heart...but i cant... can anyone plz help?

The only one who can help you is you. Stop dreaming about what was, which sounds like not a lot, and concentrate on what is.

That said, yes, I sometimes think about my first love of almost 40 years ago. I even remember is army number  - 24068584.