Is there anyone who would like to critique my poem?

Question

Some Days

Why is that some days I can only think

Of the times I could only do wrong.

I know that most days I did what was right,

I was a very good daughter all along.

Some days my mind slips to the times

When I was too tired or too busy or cross

And my words may have been a little to hard

Or the day that I thought I was the boss.

I must have hurt my momma those days

Oh what a pain that causes me now

All it would have cost me then

Was a little time, no sweat off my brow.

A kind word, a smile on that day

After all she was my best friend

What was I thinking on those bad days

Because a broken heart is hard to mend?

This brings tears to these blue eyes of mine

Thinking back to those yesterday times

Wishing I had the chance to do them over again

But for momma the last bells have chimed.

One thought I can keep close to my heart

Is that my momma was always forgiving

She loved me, and held me dear to her heart

And for her sweet love I'll keep on living.

Living the way she would want me to live

With lessons very hard learned

Remember daughter of mine

Live like your heart does yearn.

Answer 1

I usually shy away from poetry such as this....I am being brutally honest here....because I consider them to be overly sentimental.  I was brought up not to show or express feelings like this, and so with that in mind.....

I think you have a created a very thoughtful poem here which you should put some-where safe for your children to read. I'm sure they will love it and treasure it because of its personal nature.

The last verse isn't as good as the others and it needs some work - suggestion

Living the way she would have wanted  

Doing what she knew to be best

Remember this, daughter of mine

Live life so you have no regrets.

or something

Answer 2

I guess this is the they reported ?? ,,,Their jealous that's all !!

I'm sorry that your MoM passed away  Excellent story Your love shines through ,,,,So does the negative ease up on that a little

It's a wonderful story ,,,Keep up the good work !!!

Answer 3

This poem shows a great deal of love for your mother.  All of us feel guilty at times for having done something or not having done something in certain situations.  As a best friend, I am sure your mother understood and that she was grateful for having such a wonderful daughter.

Answer 4

Your poem shows a great deal of love and gained wisdom.  Your Mother is smiling on you right now.  She even peeked over your shoulder as you penned this.  Be at peace.

Answer 5

Wow. This poem is very good. Is it based off something real? Like, did your mom really die? If she did then this poem is even more meaningful. You should send it to a company that publishes books filled with poems. The title could be a bit better though. Maybe "Momma". All in all it gets a 4 1/2 out of 5 stars. If you can answer my question emial me back at [e-mail]. I liked this poem alot. =)

GREAT POEM

Answer 6

its really good, honestly. but it sounds like youre trying to force it to rhyme in som eplaces. btw alot of the most pwerful poems are written in free verse, not rhyming and with no rhythm. and in your fourth stanza you used the same word at the end of the 1st and 3rd lines to rhyme. you did the same thing in the seventh stanza too but its really good!!

Answer 7

Fantastic.  My only remark is the use of the word momma, which in my opinion seems somewhat, informal.  But if you always referred to her as momma and nothing else then that would be the most appropriate name.  Very well written.

Answer 8

"Hi!"

It was absolutely beautiful. Your mother would have appreciated it. even from beyond the grave. she would be peering down with a joyous face and would be, so very proud.

WELL DONE! : )

Kind Regards.

Answer 9

I like it.  That's all, I just like it.

Answer 10

Very good & well done. I liked it. :)

Answer 11

No, not me. I love it. it's you. that what make it so special to me.

Answer 12

Your love shines through in these words. Please don't waste time dwelling on the negative. In heaven it is all forgotten and only love remains.

Is this the one that got reported?

Answer 13

very inspirational. I loved it and can tell that you were very close to your mom. Something i wish i could have, but alas it will never come true. hold dear what you had with your mom because it doesn't always work out that way.