Is there anyone you choose to keep your kids from?

Question

My father-in-law is not the greatest person. When my husband was younger his dad was physically abusive towards them. Nowadays he's a bit "crazy" in his actions and is very impulsive. We are planning on having children next year and do not want our kids alone with him. How do we go about telling him that? Or do we tell my mother-in-law and have her deal with it? He can be around our kids BUT never alone. Is there anyone with a similar situation and how do you deal with it?

Answer 1

the burger king king he creeps me out man

Answer 2

Michael Jackson.

Answer 3

Dont come right out and say, i dont want them to be alone with him.. Just make sure you are not in a position where they need to be alone with him, make sure you guys are always around and if they ask to take him/her for the weekend say you have other plans or maybe next time... he maybe will just get the hint eventually.  I think it is a wise decision, even if he is a changed man.. why would sanybody want to take that chance with a child?  Just one time can cause a lifetime of hurt and confusion.  A lady i knew was molested by her father all throught her life, she had 2 daughters and let her dad watch them!!??????  The 5 year old ended up contracting genital herpes :(  they where both taken away from her and she will never have custody of them again, they both have been adopted out and the ******** is in prison for life!  Im glad to hear that some people have some brains when it comes to their prescious children.

Answer 4

As horrible as it is, I choose to keep my daughter away from my mother and grandma.

My mother is a HORRIBLE influence, she has been married and divorced multiple times (never having more than 2 weeks between breaking up with one husband, and the next "boyfriend" moving in), she is now pregnant, an alcoholic, and otherwise horrible influence.

My grandma is also pretty horrible, she calls me an abusive mother because they don't like my husband, I'm a stay at home mom (which, as a side note, she didn't start working until she was in her early 50's, and my mom was a stay at home mom until her mid-30's), and my then 3-month old baby cries when they are screaming at me. There are countless situations that they have proven that they are not trustworthy with anything of value (especially my daughter), so I feel no guilt over not letting them be a part of her life. She has two other sets of grandparents who are more "normal", and actually care about her and will never intentionally hurt her (or me).

I say that if you aren't comfortable with a family member that your child or children is going to be around that you have every right to restrict or deny contact! You are the parent, and you make the "rules". I do, however, think that the children should have the choice to be in contact with these "banned" family members when they are old enough to make the decision (unless the family member is or has been abusive in any way).

Answer 5

I don't think it is necessary to be spelling it out at this point.  You can do this without hurting the feelings of others and thus causing any future problems.  You can always see that your kids are not put in that position.  If something needs to be said, I would have your husband explain it to his mom and if she feels it appropriate then either she can speak to him or your husband can speak up at that point.  No point in causing family rifts unnecessarily.

Answer 6

I would make sure they stay away from michael jackson

Answer 7

I keep my children away from my father's parents.  They are verbally abusive and I don't want my children to experience their evil ways.  I just don't go to family functions if they are going to be there.  

Your children are your responsibility.  If you don't want your child to be left alone with  your FIL, don't leave the child alone with him.  You can always tell your MIL that you are uncomfortable with leaving your child alone with him if she is open to hearing what you have to say.  Just know that your job is to keep your child safe.

Answer 8

You know.. you don't have to tell them point blank.. why would you do that?  Just keep them a nice distance from th ekids..  You don't have to let them be any wiser.  They should know the kids and vice versa..  just make sure that you are with them, you don't let them babysit or any of that nonsense.

Answer 9

Keep your kids away from him. If he's crazy he might do something stupid or abuse them. If i had kids, I'd keep them away from your father in law. I'm sure he can be safe most of the time, but he can be like a pitbull, one time he might do something crazy. You should tell your mother in law how you feel so she doesn't beg you to let them keep the kids at their place in a few year and put you in an awkward situation to say no. IF you don't feel someone is safe for your children to be around don't hesitate about what they'll think because what they think is less important then your children's safety. Btw, I'm fourteen and my parents used to be very cautious and I used to be angry all the time becuz my parents were very protective and now I'm thankful for that. Just do what's best for your kids and will make you feel comfortable inside

Answer 10

I understand your concern, but I believe that you maybe pre-judging this man. You have not had children yet so let me break it down: You nor anyone else are perfect. you may have some secrets in your closet(you have done things that you may not be proud of) and so does this man. This man may have had some serious issues in his past that have never been dealt with, however you would be robbing him of his grand-child.

Have you thought of not having children?? How does your husband and his mother feel about you and his father??

How do you get along with this man??

Has he shown you signs that he cannot be trusted with a child??

You coulld have a child and always make sure you and your husband are near, so that nothing "crazy" happens.

Look no family is perfect and there are many things i want to protect my children of especially when it comes to family.

You may just have to come for a short visit and then go home.

You can get ideas from yahoo, but there are somethings you have left out and not telling so I really cannot help you too much.

Why do you have such fear for this man and you haven't even gotten pregnant yet??

Think about it!!!!

Answer 11

You do not have to tell them at all.  When you have kids you just make sure that you are always around when they visit.  By telling them upfront, you could just damage relationships.  Just watch and keep an eye on your children when they arrive.

Answer 12

Yeah, I agree with you. You should tell them both. That lets your father-in-law know that what he did was wrong and there are consequences. Such as, never being alone with grandchildren. You must enforce your rule even if he tries to talk you down. You don't want your kids to be subjected to the same thing others were.

Good luck and well wishes.

Answer 13

pedophiles.

but in answer to your question. You don't have to actually say anything. You just make sure he is never alone with your children. Take it one day at a time but one day you may have to say something but don't worry till that day comes

Answer 14

My ex husbands brother.  He is a pyromaniac among other things.  He set their apartment building on fire five times in four days.  My ex lived in one apartment his brother lived in the one next door.  He spent about a year in jail.  There is more that goes into by decision but this is enough to make me say no time together.

Answer 15

that is a hard one i have no suggestions

Answer 16

Well my boyfriend and I have both decided that our kids will never EVER even be with while we are there with his mom and her alleged husband. She smoked the entire time she was pregnant with my boyfriend and his two older siblings, so she has been smoking even around babies for almost 30 years, she has no reguard for their health and I wouldn't trust that guy being around my babies. Other than that I'll be fine, but we both agree that she will probably never even see our kids. I don't feel bad because she could have been a better mom, she chose to be the way she is and that is her own fault, just like your father in law.

Answer 17

priests

Answer 18

I'm familiar with this situation.  I was kept away from my maternal grandmother because she was very physically/verbally abusive toward her children, especially my mother.

The best thing to do is to just be up front and tell him that you don't want the children to be alone with him because of your husbands past experiences.  There's no shame in admitting that you are uncomfortable about something that he has a history of doing.  And yes, your mother-in-law could introduce your concerns, but it's really up to your husband and you to also say your piece so that the granddad knows you are serious and that you aren't just hiding behind his wife.

My grandmother used to ask if she could babysit me all the time, but my mom would just tell her No.  No. and h**l no.  The situation can feel intimidating at times, but it's gotta get done somehow.

Good luck!  Hope your kids are happy and healthy!

Answer 19

I dont know if you would have to tell anybody anything just when you are around him then just keep your child with you. if one of you have to go out of the room then the other stays. as the child gets older then you can let them know that if you leave the room then they are to come with you.