Is there anything I can do about the behaviour of a disgusting, foul mouthed child if his parents won't?

Question

He's my cousins son, about 8 years old now. He's the worst behaved child I've ever encountered. When he was 5, he told me to go f*ck myself. Last christmas, he looked me dead in the eye and said "Give me what I want right now, or I'm going to b*tch slap you with my c**k!" (He's always been allowed to watch whatever he wanted on tv, which is where i'm sure he got the language) His parents laugh it off as a phase- a phase thats been going on as long as the kid could walk and talk, and he's only getting worse.. They refuse to discipline him, saying that they only believe in positive reinforcement, so they ignore it when he misbehaves. Knowing his mom, she's just too lazy to do anything about it. The only time I've ever disciplined the kid was for trying to steal my wine (and all I said was no, you may not have that), he flipped and broke half my aunts good china. His mom yelled at me for upsetting him!

Anyway- is there anything I can do at all? Even just to change how he speaks to me?

Answer 1

Cousins or not, I would report his parents to your local Child Protective Services.  That child is being abused.  Language like that doesn't come from TV unless he's watching p**n videos.  He's hearing it from his parents and mimicking their abusive behavior.  Even if their abuse is solely directed at each other, he's getting the blow-by.  It's going to take more than you demanding to be respected in your own home to stop it.

Answer 2

Beat him up. Seriously. One good punch and then sit on him as you give him a good strapping on his behind. I don't mean a spanking, I mean with a leather belt so that he has something to think about before mouthying off again.

If your cousin b*****s or yells at you about it, then do her next.

I don't accept that kind of behaviour from anybody.

---------

Actually I would likely beat the c**p out of his dad first and then his mom.

And then ask the kid if he wanted to repeat what he said

Answer 3

That is ridiculous for a child to be able to speak that way, and adult shouldn't speak that way.  First of all, anytime the child was at my house, that would NOT be tolerated.  In my house, it is my rules.  If he was staying at my house and his parents were leaving, the child and the parents would be told up front, he is expected to follow the same rules as my children, and he will be disciplined the same way, and if they do not like that, then they will need to take there son with them.  If his parents and him are visiting, it is the same thing, it is your house, and you will tell him when he does something wrong, and if they don't like that, then they can all go home.  Yes, it will strain your relationship with them, but I can't imagine they are welcomed very many places with a son that behaves in such a way.  My son is 8 yr. old, and he is not allowed to tell someone to "shut up."  

As for settings where it is not your house, but maybe another family member, I would stay away from the child.  He should learn that if you mistreat people, they will not want to be around you.  If the child says something rude to you, you have every right to tell him he may not speak to you that way, and if his parents don't like you telling him that, then it is there job to keep him away from you.

What happens in school, I can't imagine a teacher putting up with such behavior, and my guess is she doesn't.  He wouldn't be allowed to talk that way in classroom full of children, the other parents would be furious.  He only acts that way, in places where is is tolerated.  

I would also talk with other family members to get their opinion on the child's behavior.  You can all work together to be consistant about how the child should behave when at a family gathering, and  you may try all talking to the parents.  What they don't realize is that this problem is only going to get worse.  There is nothing wrong with positive reinforcment, I think it is very important to a childs growth and self-esteem, but sometimes consequences for improper behavior is necessary.  And because the child is already 8, it is going to be a long process to turn him around, but not as long as if the try to do it when he is 10.  

Good luck, be firm and be consistant.

Answer 4

h**l yes let him and his parents know you will not put up with his behavior demand respect and expect it from all children slap his mouth and tell mother to keep kid away or teach respect to the kid thats the problem these days

Answer 5

I wouldn't discipline him, I'd jsut try to shame him a little.  It may not work, but it will make you feel better, possibly?  For instancy, when he uses the foul language, I wouldn't bat an eye, but I'd quietly say, "what a low-class thing to say" or "how disrespectful-you must be very angry inside".   Something that shows him that he isn't getting a rise out of you like he wants to, but you have noted his bad language and it saddens you.

And, au contraire, this kid does have behavioural problems.  I don't need to test him to see that.  Family.  Counseling.

Answer 6

i would just tell your cousin that you dont want him around until he learns how to act. i love my family but if i had to deal with that, i wouldnt want him around. and if my kids did that stuff and talked like him, i would smack them clear across the county...(FYI...i dont hit my child) but his parents need to understand that if he is like this at 8 and doesnt change...well you can already see his future. maybe he needs to go on maury.

Answer 7

Since some of these incidents are happening in YOUR house, you certainly have a right to set some standards of behavior!  There is no way I would tolerate that kind of language or destructiveness from a child who was visiting me.  

The next time you invite your cousin over, tell her beforehand, "I have really been concerned about Johnny's behavior the last few times he has visited.  His language is inappropriate, and he's been destructive with things in the house.   I would like to sit him down and talk to him when he gets here, so that he knows how I feel.  If you don't want me to do this, then maybe you should get a sitter for him and not bring him to my house."

If this is happening in the homes of other relatives, however, there is not much you can do to change things, other than not going to visit this branch of the family on the holidays.  If you decide not to go, I would certainly tell everyone why!

Answer 8

this is a job for SUPER NANNY. get the address and write her and see if she can help. she'd love to help. other wise, no. its not your place.

Answer 9

If his parents are allowing him to behave this way, they seriously need a family intervention!

I don't care who's child it was, I would inform him that the way he is speaking to me is unacceptable and if he can't control his mouth he is not to speak to me at all. And I certainly wouldn't give in to any of his demands. If anyone questioned my response I would quickly and directly tell them that allowing him to behave this way is unacceptable and disgraceful, and clearly not just a phase. Then I would recommend they get some counseling.

It's the attitude of the parents that offends the most. It's plain to see that their current strategy is not in the least bit effective.

I would not allow this child in my house period, and I would make very plain the reason why he was not to be in my presence. The people being subjected to his abusive language have every right to take a stand!

Answer 10

It is very simple. There child and there screwed up philosophy. Let them do what they will, as long as it is not in your house or your face. You have a legal and moral right to enjoy your space and to not come under abuse. Place the onus  squarely on the childs mother to keep that behavior off you. Then you can all get along fine!

Peace.

Answer 11

Talk to his mother.  If she's to lazy to do anything about it, just don't have them over and try not to speak with him.

Answer 12

kick his a$$

Answer 13

Defintely uninvite your cousins family to your house!  It's your house and you wont be spoken too like that, is what you tell them!  Particularly if you have your own children - no way in the world would that child come anywhere near mine!

Answer 14

wow, very sad situation.  how can parents allow this?  the parents need help just as much as the kid.  Not sure what you can do because obviously the parents don't see the problem.  Too bad there isn't a law against idiocracy.

This deeply saddens me, I'm sorry I don't have any real advice.  Pray for them.

Answer 15

You say, "I don't allow disrespectful foul language around me or in my home."  Stay away from these people. Treat them the same way you would people who allow a vicious dog to hurt people. The failure to discipline a child is a form of child abuse.

His parents will be visiting him in the penitentiary.

Answer 16

What you can do? Choose not to spend time around them. It's YOUR choice....you can't change other people.

Answer 17

If you are in their home and he speaks that way to you (or anyone else), tell his parents that you are sorry, but you (and your husband and children) are leaving as you will not be spoken to that way. THEN DO IT!!! If he is in your home and speaks that way, tell his parents that you are sorry, but they will have to take him home or somewhere else as you do not allow that sort of language in your home. If they try to laugh it off, tell them in no uncertain terms that you are serious and you are asking them politely to leave. Stick to your guns. If this causes a rift between you and your cousin, so be it. If you are unwilling to risk this, get used to being cursed out by a child any time you are around him. Good luck!

Answer 18

Keep your distance from him...

Tell him you will play or do whatever when he learns to

behave.

Answer 19

If he is in your house he has to obey your rules.

Let him know that he needs to be polite in your house.

BTW maybe one rule might be you can't have sweets or supper with a filthy mouth.  :) If he's fresh, then he can go brush his teeth, take a breather and then apologize and he can eat.

If his parents have a problem tell them that you are going to ONLY use positive reinforcement for good behavior---but you refuse to reinforce BAD behavior.

Bottom line: you will not reward bad behavior because it encourages more bad behavior.

Remember you don't need to give a negative response--just give NO response to misbehavior and ONLY respond to him when he is doing what you want or behaving himself.

When he is doing something nicely reinforce it like crazy. If he says "please" because he wants a cookie, give him two. Say something nice to him. Try to catch him being good.

BTW This is a dog training technique but it works with kids if you have family that doesn't want to discipline. The toddler version is very basic and familiar: if you hit Tommy in the head with your truck, then you can't have the truck LOL.

Answer 20

honestly, i would not allow him in my house, and if he speaks inappropriately around me when I am at some else's home, I would say loud enough for him and most anyone nearby "I do not want to hear language like that, not from you or anyone!"  I expect that you will get alot of support from other adults (even if most of that support is silent).  You really cannot do anything to change the behavior if the parents are unwilling to follow through, but you can try to alter the behavior when in your immediate area.  I have a friends son who is VERY used to getting his own way, and would have a red-in-the-face tantrum when it was not his way.  It took him exactly 2 tantrums in front of me before he never had another.  I did not give in, I did not get mad, I just watched him and told him "acting like that will not change my mind, ever! If you want something from me, I will not hear you until to ask politely."  His mother, fortunately, was quite pleased.