Is there anything I can do to put a stop to this? Son staying at girlfriend's house?

Question

My 18 year old son has a 16 year old girlfriend. He is in college 4 hours away and she is in high school back here. Her parents allow him to spend the night at their house when he comes home on weekends. I find this completely inappropriate and I can't figure out why *any* parent of a 16 year old girl would allow this. I also worry constantly about his safety when he is at their home, her parents' criminal record is long & rather disturbing (my state has all public records online & I was able to check). What can I do?

Answer 1

Well you can't worry about other children's parents. BUT your child is an adult and is legal to have s*x, and legal to do what he wants. You need to let go. Trust his judgement, and if you don't you didn't do a good enough job as a parent.

Answer 2

He's an "adult" so technically, there's nothing you can do.

You can however, stop giving him extra money, letting him do his laundry at your house, and feeding him on a consistent basis.

Another option is to make the situation as embarrassing as possible.  If my mom handed me a sack of condoms and said, "Since I know what you're doing over there, take these," and then began a frank discussion on safe s*x, frequently, I would probably stop my overnight visits to avoid the situation.

You do realize though, that while he's in the dorms he does whatever he wants whenever he feels like it, right?

Answer 3

if it wasnt for the criminal records i wouldnt see a problem. honestly because i'm 16 and my boyfriend who is 21 stays here with me sometimes but most of the time its at his house because he has lyme disease and it affects his sleeping so he sleeps better at his house. we sleep in the same room and everything neither of our parents have a problem with it. yes he still does live at home but thats because of his lyme disease and he was laid up in bed for almost 5 years and had to stop going to school and get a tutor. but amazingly enough he graduated. a year late but he did it. and now he's applying to colleges

but anywho. you cant really make him do anything. he's 18 which makes him an adult

Answer 4

What is the legal age of consent in your state?  You may want to suggest to your son that his future could be on the line if he keeps having relations with this girl.  Other than that, he is an "adult", there is not much you can do!  Sorry.

Answer 5

He's 18... he's going to do what he wants. The most you can do is tell him how you feel and hope that he respects it.  

Answer 6

the only thing you can do is let him have his girlfriend spend the night at your house but it sounds like your not ok with that. at least there are no criminal influences at your home. if your not willing to do this than let it go because there is nothing you can do. he is old enough to make his own choices. and don't speak poorly of his girlfriend because it is not her fault. at this point it is very unlikely that he will pick you over her. and maybe her parents let him stay because they realize he is a good kid and that if their daughter doesn't get to spend tme with her boyfriend at home she will do it somewhere else  

Answer 7

Other than express your concerns to him, there isnt much you can do. He is 18 and her parents approve of their relationship so there isn't anything legally you can do.  

Answer 8

Unfortunately there is nothing you can do, he is of legal age.  If you are funding his college, giving him an allowance while he is at school, or paying for part of anything, tell him that the gravy train stops until he comes home.

Answer 9

Technically you can't really do anything but encourage your son to do otherwise. Since he is 18 years old he is legally able to do whatever he wants.  

Answer 10

He's 18, meaning he's legally an adult.  Back off and let him make his own mistakes.  There's nothing you can do anyway.

Answer 11

Ask him if he wants to end up in jail.

If he says no, tell him he better be staying at college or your house. Tell him it's not appropriate for him to be staying there, like you told us. If he wants to argue back, cut off his extra money, things you buy him, etc., until he gets the picture.

He is old enough to make his own decisions, but you can also have a say-so if you're paying for things of his.

Answer 12

wow that is kinda weird

Answer 13

if your son is considered an adult at age 18 by your state, there may not be much you can do unless you'd like to report him as dating  minor, but that depends on the laws in your state. even if her parents allow the relationship, there maybe a statutory rape law if your state has one. but as his mother, i doubt you'd be willing to go these routes...i'd be hesitant too especially if my son were in college, doing well and hasn't given me any trouble.

the best you can do is constantly let him know your concerns. not only because of criminal pasts of the parents, but the possibility of pregnancy and him having to drop out of school. at 18, he likely just started school.  unfortunately, and don't be surprised if he asks that his g/f spend weekends at your home when he's in town so they can be together since you don't like him being at her home.

sorry mom, i know that wasn't much help.

Answer 14

There is nothing you can really do but talk to your son.  He is an adult and so it is not like you can keep him at your house or anything. I don't want to be mean or anything I would feel the same way if my son was doing that.  We can only worry.

Answer 15

well, if you're in a province or state where the age of majority is 18 (adult at 18 in other words) then he can make his own desicion but you can explain to him how you feel about it and make sure you tell him that if she ever got pregnant that her parents could charge him. also, if you're paying for things of his, tell him that if he doesnt stop spending the night there that he'll have to pay for things on his own...

Answer 16

Really nothing, he is 18 years old and her parents allow it, your gonna have to deal with it, and keep it in mind your son can get in major trouble if they have s*x. haha which i don't doubt.