Is there anything we can do to find the natural father?

Question

So, the little girl we are going to committee for has an interesting situation. Her mother lied about who the father was. In a heated discussion with her "father", she revealed that the father was someone else. The state performed a paternity test, and she was right. Unfortunately, she wouldn't reveal who the natural father was (by name - she did divulge his relationship to her), but then she disappeared. The caseworker tried looking through all of Mom's records to see if she could find any clues about who the father might be, but has had no luck. Hopefully Mom will resurface again one day and we can ask her, but for now...is there anything we can do? It seems so hopeless, and we'd like her to have all her information if possible.

Answer 1

Its like finding a needle in a haystack. I wouldn't focus on that because most adoptee's are more concerned with finding their mothers. Its that unexplainable connection.

When her mother does "resurface". Gain her trust and she'll open up. Right now she's going through trauma(s)  and doesn't trust anyone.

Answer 2

If the Mom had ever received public assistance or even medical for the child, she most likely would have been required to assist with establishing paternity and getting a child support order (even if the child goes into FC).  Perhaps on a paternity questionnaire or intial paperwork she submitted to the child support agency or the TANF office, it might have information on presumed father #2.  You most likely can't get access to that information directly (because it would be confidential to you), however the child's caseworker might be able to call a child support worker or TANF worker and get that information.  Since she is still young, the Mom might not have completed the information, but I would keep trying that route.  Provided she has a case with them, if she doesn't provide the information, her benefits get cut/sanctioned for not assisting (even if she reapplies for another child).  The only other option I can think of is your Bureau of Vital Statistics (maybe she signed something at the hospital) and again only your Caseworker might be able to get the information.  

Btw, congrats!

Answer 3

Gaia,

We are having the same problem. We know the mother knows who the father is, but she won't tell anyone. She gave a fake name for the first year...and CPS tried to contact that man, to no avail. Anyway, what bothers me most is that there is a man out there who may not know he is a daddy...and may want to and be able to raise his child. I worry about that all the time. I don't want to 'steal' someone's child....even if it is legal through the courts.

With our mom, she has started to hint that the father is not the best of characters. She has repeatedly dropped hints that she does not want him anywhere near our son....even enough for her son to be placed with strangers. I guess this makes me feel slightly better, but it is still such an unknown and her opinion may be skewed by anger/hurt/etc.

There is really nothing you can do. If she comes back around, you can try to open up with her about your concerns. Try talking with her and explaining it from the viewpoint of wanting your child to have every possible bit of information about his parents. CPS may also be a vital resource. If they know the mom's family/friends, they may be able to ask around and find out if she was dating anyone at the time. Often, CPS just leaves it up to the mom to tell them a name....but if you ask, they might be more willing to ask around. That is what we have done....and hopefully we will get some leads.

Answer 4

Not much you can do unless she reveals who the father is.

Answer 5

I am so sorry to hear that. Really you cant do anything with the mother. Just pray one day that mother comes to her senses.Good luck with everything

Answer 6

I don't know where you live but in California there is the website that I included that shows what is supposed to happen when trying to locate nfathers.  If all of this protocol is followed then everything is legit.  If it is not followed there could be problems.  

The nmother could be charged with fraud for not revealing paternity.  My son is trying to establish an open adoption agreement that is legally binding in order to be allowed to be in his son's life.  What you are describing is what happened in his situation.  Where the problem came in is that the agency told the nmother that they wouldn't do more than one DNA test and told her that she had to sign a "Declaration of Mother" stating that she didn't know who the nfather was.  

You obviously can't test everyone so if the nmother won't cooperate you have to make a decision as to if you are willing to accept the fact  that a father might show up later and want 'who knows what'.  Just please make sure that the agency that you are going through does everything that it is supposed to do in your area so that you know that everything is on that up and up.  

I can't say that I would be involved with an adoption that I wasn't sure that both parents were agreeable to.  I am on the other side of this and I do look at the aparents side also.  I wouldn't wish the uncertainty or emotional stress that we have been going through on anyone...not even my worst enemy.  Please be careful.