Is there more I should/can do as a parent...?

Question

My 17 year old son is "dating" a 15 year old; I'm using the quotes because dating is being used loosely here--she's only allowed, by her parents, to see him at school and at her house.

After speaking to him, I'm fairly certain there's no sexual relations going on, but I'm still not satisfied with this situation. As a parent, I would never allow my 15 year old daughter to date a 17 year old (actually, almost 2.5 years difference).

I've told him I don't think it's wise that they date--that if they were to become sexually active then he could be charged with statutory rape--consent here is 16, period. No two years different, no same age...16 period.

My husband and I decided that he wasn't going to be able to use our car until he shapes up a little--he's been a bit irresponsible, running out of gas, breaking curfew (albeit, minorly), and his grades historically, could be better. We told him he can still go places, with certain stipulations, but he can't use our car until we see how his grades are in 9 weeks. We were also hoping this would curtail their relationship a little without us having to have a big fight over it. I can't tell him not to see her--but that doesn't mean I have to approve of it.

At any rate, it apparently didn't work. Now this girl's MOTHER is going to come over and GET HIM on Saturday to take him to their house for the day. I guess they really trust and like him (which, of couse, is a good thing!)

Should I be doing more or is this going to just have to run it's course?

Answer 1

I am assuming that she is a freshman and he is a senior. Really when you were in school wasn't it very common for Senior to date freshmen.I think if you've talked to him about what could happen, he might understand your concern. If you are still not satisfied with the situation, then speak with her parents.

I really like the idea of her parents wanting to spend time with him. Maybe you might consider doing the same.  

Answer 2

Guys dating girls two years younger when in high school is prefectly normal, particularly when you consider that girls tend to mature faster than boys.  Most girls aren't interested in boys their own age for that reason.

If you want to keep him from using the car because of bad grades or breaking curfew, that's one thing.  But punishing him by taking away driving privileges because you don't like him dating a girl two years younger is something else.

Answer 3

I think you should just let it run its course...I think that it is a good thing that the girls parents are supervising this...so there is less worry.If he really likes her he will respect her and obviously is respecting her parents rules...if he ends up not being that into her, he will break it off and move on...hopefully to a girl his age :)

Answer 4

let it run it's course. i have the same issue with my son. he knows it's not legal for them to have s*x and he is starting to recognize some of her immature ways! goodluck; all we can do is try to raise them the best we can then let them go

Answer 5

WHY are you freaking out so much? That is how it goes almost always! Look up the facts, girls are 2 years more mature than boys are during adolescence. Let it run its course, you are being a very controlling mother who has problems letting go. I also am a mother so I'm in the same boat as you, but its time to let your child grow up.