Is there something wrong about this wedding ceremony?

Question

Sorry its long

So here's the deal, Last saturday I was a Groomsman in a wedding for my friends. I was roomates with the Groom and good friends with the Bride. First of all the Groom is from England and does not have a green card yet. They are both 20 years old. the Grooms sister got married last month. The Bride was adopted at 13.

That is the info you need to know to answer if this seems wierd. No one cried at the wedding, the closest was the Best Man. There was no "if this couple should not be wed, please speak now or forever hold your peace." Neither parents made a speach at the reception, only the best man and the made of honor made speaches. And finally when they were giving their vows, they were looking at the preacher and at the crowd just as much as they were looking into each others eyes (I would expect a couple geting married to be locked onto each other's eyes.) I know they love each other, and they are very cute together.

Is this wierd or am I overracting?

Answer 1

The "if this couple should not be wed" isn't done all of the time.  In fact the past few weddings I have been at, they didn't say it.    The parents do not always make speeches either.   I think there is no such thing as a NORMAL wedding.  Everyone's should be unique, and we really shouldn't judge them.

Answer 2

nothing wrong here.

Answer 3

it's different

Answer 4

I would say that you are overreacting. I don't want a billion people speaking at my wedding reception - just the best man. Everyone else can talk at the rehearsal dinner.

Then about not looking at each other, I know when I get married (in 3 months) that I don't want to be looking into my fiance's eyes becuase he'll either make me cry or laugh. I dont want either. So I'm going to be looking at the priest.

Just because it doesn't fit your idea of a perfect wedding, doesn't mean that it wasn't perfect in their eyes.

Answer 5

I've been in 10 weddings and for almost every single one, the minister reminds the bride and groom during the rehearsal to make sure to look at each other when they're saying their vows...so I think its fairly normal for people to get nervous and look at the minister the whole time to make sure they don't mess up their lines or make a mistake.  I wouldn't be too worried.

Answer 6

yes.....maybe they just got married for the green card?

Answer 7

It sounds to be like your overreacting, especially if you know the Groom and Bride are in love.  I mean, I will probably be looking at the preacher and the crowd just as much as at my fiance, since my closest friends and family will be there celebrating with me, and I will be so nervous to stutter during my vows I will be paying super attention to the priest lol.  I doubt my parents or his will make a speech at the wedding, because it is super small, and I don't really want any.  Many couples now take out the "if this couple should not be wed, please speak now or forever hold your peace." for various reasons.

So I am on the side of probably overreacting.

Answer 8

I think you're overreacting.  It doesn't sound weird to me.

No one cried at the wedding, the closest was the Best Man.

-- I cry at everything ... except weddings.  Go figure.  It depends on the individuals.

There was no "if this couple should not be wed, please speak now or forever hold your peace."

-- I've never heard that at a wedding except in the movies.

Neither parents made a speach at the reception, only the best man and the made of honor made speaches.

-- I've never heard the parents make a speech either, only the best man or maid of honor.

And finally when they were giving their vows, they were looking at the preacher and at the crowd just as much as they were looking into each others eyes (I would expect a couple geting married to be locked onto each other's eyes.)

-- That's a little unusual, but some people aren't comfortable with making eye contact.  Maybe they are two of those people.  Maybe they were supposed to look at the crowd for the photographer.

Answer 9

I think you might be reading a little too much into this one.

The fact that nobody cried at the wedding doesn't have anything to do with the couple. The couple can't control whether their guests cry or not. Some people are cryers. Others are not.

Many couples leave out the "forever hold your peace thing". They could do it for any number of reasons, maybe they thought it was tacky, maybe they were worried about old boyfriends/girlfriends, maybe they didn't like the drama, maybe they wanted a quicker cermony, maybe that part of the speech is not part of their religion, maybe they wanted a more modern cermony, maybe the preecher doesn't like to say that part, etc. Thousands of reasons.

Often parents dont make speeches at wedding. I've been to more wedding where it is the maid of honor and the best man and not the parents. Or maybe their parents are shy and don't like to do that kind of thing or maybe the couple didn't want a gazillion speeches.

As far as the eye thing, that could have been nerves. Many couples are very nervous about standing up in front of most of the people that they know.

I think you are reading too much into this.

Answer 10

Yes your over reacting.  my best friend didnt have any speeches at her wedding-now that isnt my cup of tea, but its her wedding so up to her.

My sister was very nervous when she got married and the vicar kept laughing and telling her and her hubby 'you guys arent marrying me' cos they were saying their vows to him, lol.

My other friend has been ill for a while and is now in a wheel chair and when she got married she rushed through the whole wedding ceremony, but the vicar said that they didnt want a fuss, they just wanted to get married, it was lovely and everything that my friend wanted.  People react in different ways and also people feel emotionally different when they are getting married.

I have been to loads of weddings and each one is different but who am i to judge each to their own i say!

Answer 11

I think you are overreacting.  I've been been to numerous weddings and lots of the time, no one cries.  Few have speeches by anyone but the best man and maid of honor.  The couple was young and probably nervous and found looking around the best way to keep composure.  The wedding I just went to, the bride laughed through almost the entire ceremony and her vows. None of us thought that she thought it was a joke, it was just her way.  You may have had a picture of the perfect ceremony, but things don't always fit.

Answer 12

You are overreacting quite a bit. The last 3 weddings I attended, no body cried at them...well except the last one I did because the bride was my best friend forever and I was really happy lol...The 'if this couple should not be wed' part...MANY many weddings do not have that anymore. It isn't in my upcoming wedding either. And I've never been at a wedding where anyone other than the best man, maid of honor and sometimes the groom made speeches. They were probably looking at the preacher and crowd too because they were nervous, it's nerve racking being up there in front of all those people and being the center of attention. I think you are greatly overreacting.

Answer 13

Just because it didn't fit your idea of what a wedding should be doesn't mean there was anything wrong.

Answer 14

He's English! and we are not given to overt displays of sentimentality in public.

Answer 15

I think you are just overreacting a little. First of all, not many people use the sentence with forever hold your peace anymore. As a wedding officiant, I hardly ever include that sentence. People show their emotions in different ways. They are so young and it's such an important day in their lives, I'm sure they were just overwhelmed. Most of the time the parents don't make speeches at the reception. It is the maid of honor and the best man who make the speeches. I'm sure some parents do, but their parents not is not unusual.

Hope this sets your mind at ease

Answer 16

I don't think it is weird I dont think anybody but me cried at my wedding and only my BM and MOH made speaches at my wedding. The whole looking at the crowd and preacher could have been nerves.

I wouldn't make too much of this

Answer 17

Your over reacting.... and I still haven't figured out what the grooms sister getting married last month has to do with it...or the fact that the bride was adopted at 13....but whatever...

Not everyone cries at weddings, personally I cry even if its a wedding on TV, but apparently you attended one where people were able to keep there emotions in check.  

A lot of ceremonies no longer have that "if this couple should not be wed" verse included..that's very common these days.

I have been to several weddings and I don't ever remember the parents giving a speech.

The only part of what you have said that I find the least bit odd is that the bride and groom were looking around instead of at each other.

Answer 18

I don't understand. What does the groom's sister getting married have to do with anything, or the fact that he's from england. Or the fact that the bride is adopted.

What's so weird? Sounds like a normal wedding to me. WHo cares if no one cried, I've been to loads of weddings where no one cried and where parents didn't make speeches.

Answer 19

Maybe they were nervous. Maybe their parents are not very supportive of them getting married. That would explain why they didn't give speeches.

Some people do not get as emotional as others. If you know they love each other then I would just chalk it up to these things. But if it makes you feel better I think that sounds a little weird myself.

Answer 20

Every wedding is different, according to the tastes, likes and dislikes of the bride and groom and their families.  

I've never seen parents make speeches at receptions.  

The wording in the ceremony is up to the minister and the couple getting married;

As far as looking into each other's eyes;  Great!  As long as your not a nervous wreck standing in front of lots of people making life-long pledges to each other.

Definitely over-reacting.

Answer 21

I think you're overreacting.  No one cried at my wedding (that I'm aware of...I wasn't exactly paying tons of attention to the guests!).  The priest did not ask if anyone had any problems with the marriage (they don't usually ask that at weddings anymore).  Only the best man and maid of honor made speeches at my reception.  I do think it's a bit strange that they weren't looking at each other while saying the vows, but they were probably just really nervous.  

I will say, though, I think they were probably too young to get married.  Twenty years old is still quite young.

Answer 22

I don't think it is weird....I don't know of anyone that really cried at my wedding - neither one of our families is really the emotion showing type - but I know that they were all happy for us and supported us.  I never even thought to ask any of the parents to make a speech at the wedding - I've actually never seen that done (oops, scratch that, 1 wedding the bride's dad did speak...but that's only 1 out of many weddings).  And I know for sure that the "if this couple should not be wed..." business has not been a part of any of the weddings I've attended....I actually was wondering if that was more of a tv/movie thing.... As far as the wedding vows - I think it depends on the comfort level of the people - as much as I love my husband (for the record I'm using my husband's account right now, so this is actually the wife of Matthew) I remember feeling very uncomfortable locking eyes with him during the vows - I tried to because I felt that was what I was "supposed" to do, but I know that I looked away a couple times

Basically, I'm saying that you are overreacting and have your own vision of a wedding which just did not match this couple's vision.

Answer 23

you are totally overreacting. weddings these days can come in all shapes and sizes. i don't think you've listed anything here that is that weird.

Answer 24

Not weird at all.  Not everyone is all emotional and crying and weddings - didn't happen at mine and we're on year 12...Also, the only people that I have seen make speeches are the best man and sometimes the maid-of-honor.  Everyone and every wedding are different, stop reading so much into it!  I'm sure it will be fine.