Is there such a thing as being "UNOFFICIALLY" engaged? What is your definition of being engaged?

Question

If your definition of engagement is a being is a serious and healthy committed relationship in which you decide at some point in the near future that you are going to get married and you begin making some preliminary arrangements then I'm engaged.

If your definition is having a nice ring shining on your left hand then I'm not engaged. trawlI've noticed that when you tell someone you're engaged their eyes always flicker to your left hand searching for that telltale sign-the ring, and if your hand is lacking that bit of decoration they often seem disappointed and even skeptical of the engagement.

I personally dont mind not having a ring at this time, i dont feel like it is any more binding than the promises we have made to one another. I'd rather not have one now, allowing us time to save and get nice rings for each other closer to the wedding (it's a long engagement, we wont get married until i finish college in 2011) that mean more.

So i was wondering what some of your views are on being engaged without a ring.

Answer 1

Obviously, tradition is that the ring is involved.  If you want to save up for a nicer one than you guys can afford now, then why not?  I do think an actual proposal is necessary to be officially "engaged".  Tons of couples talk about getting married in the future but that doesn't mean they're engaged.

Best of luck!

***WITH THE DETAILS YOU ADDED, I WOULD CONSIDER YOU ENGAGED.  CONGRATS!

Answer 2

Personally, My Definition Of Being Engaged Is When You've Decided To Make The Commitment To Each Other. You Both Want To Be With Each Other For The Rest Of Your Lives.

My Fiance & I Are Also Planning A Long Engagement. We'll Be Getting Married March, 2012.

Answer 3

I think that a ring shows you just how serious he is about you. I mean, think about it ... he took the time to carefully pick out the 'perfect' ring to ask you to be his forever. To show everyone 'hey! this girl is mine!' The ring just finalizes an engagement to me ... it's like what binds to him to his proposal.

Talk is cheap. If he just asks you or if your both just agree to getting married in the near future, then great. But feelings do change. You have a long engagement ... 2011 ... that's a long way away! Anyone can be in a healthy relationship and talk about marriage to each other. I've been there. There were talks of marriage and children ... but after 7 years together, he still didn't want to set a date. So, I left him. Too much of my heart (and time) was going into a relationship in which I was getting nothing back.

It's nice that the two of you talk about it. But if I were you, I wouldn't spread the word until he shows you just how serious he is about you. Good luck!

Answer 4

I don't think being engaged comes from having a ring, I think it just means that he has officially asked you.  I understand how you feel, until March of this year, my fiance and I were "unoficially engaged" for a couple of years because he has asked me in the past to marry him and we have discussed the wedding.  We weren't officially engaged because he wanted to find the perfect moment and (this was important more to him than me) save up for the perfect ring.

I think Americans are very materialistic as a nation and immediately look for the ring on your finger, but I know plenty of people from other countries (like my parents) who have gotten engaged without a ring and have long happy marriages.

So if he officially asked you and said the words "will you marry me?", then yes, you are definitely engaged, with or without a ring.

Congratulations!!! =)

Answer 5

My personal opinion is that I am not engaged until he asks me with a ring.  (I have to agree with blunt, if I believed I was engaged everytime someone said, let's get married, I would have been engaged countless times.) However, other people consider themselves engaged when discussing it.  My best friend got engaged without a ring.  They got the ring a couple weeks later and things worked out fine.

Answer 6

as long as you both agreed to get married you're engaged ring or no ring.  I know where you are coming from though, I didn't have a ring at first either and when I told people their first question was always where's the ring?  I also had someone suggest I didn't announce my engagement till I got the ring....  Seriously there are more important things in life than a piece of jewelry, you don't need that to say you're engaged all you need is the commitment to marry each other.

Answer 7

To me the definition of engaged is when one person asks the other if they will marry him/her and the other says yes.  Then a date is set and planning has started.  It's traditional for there to be a ring, but it's not a necessity of engagement.  

Answer 8

Has he specifically asked you to marry him?  If so, then you're engaged wheter you have a ring or not.  If he hasn't asked you specifically to marry him, then you are not engaged.  Talking with your significant other about the future and actually planning for the future with specific dates in mind are two different things.  If you have actually set a wedding date, even a tentative one, and you have started making "preliminary arrangements," as you say, then I would consider you engaged.  I also think you are very mature to understand that engagement is about much more than the shiny diamond ring.  You are very level-headed to decide to wait until after finishing college to marry.  I think the practical way in which you and your fiance are approaching this will lead to a very successful marriage in the future.

Answer 9

Being unoffically engaged, in UK anyway, means you are promised to each other but you dont have a ring. The ring makes it more official as its a token from your bf to you.

However you can call yourself officially engaged if you chose not have an engagement ring but have set the wedding date.

Not everyone choses to have an engagement ring as money is going toward the wedding and this is acceptable too.

Answer 10

the ring symbolizes a few things.  first, that you're taken.  second, that a guy not only made a commitment to you, but to a creditor when he took out a loan to buy the ring.  it shows he's not a slacker, that he intends to pay his debts, and support you for the rest of your life.  but don't put any money toward a wedding until you have a ring.  that's my PPOV

Answer 11

He needs to have actually said the words "will you marry me?"  Otherwise you guys are just discussing getting engaged soon.  Make him commit to you, girl!

Answer 12

It is your decision and if you are comfortable with not having a ring right now than that works for you.

I personally agree with the posters who commented that the ring really shows a commitment and dedication and obligation. I was "asked" before and never a ring was produced.  I knew those guys were not serious.

I have been "officially" engaged twice, both with a ring.

I am engaged now to a wonderful man who did the whole romantic on one knee thing and presented me with a beautiful ring he knew I would love. I love having an outword symbol of his love and commitment to me. I think of that everytime I look at my beautiful ring.

But really, it is personal preference.

Answer 13

As said above - to me, engagement means that one of the two people in the relationship has popped the question and the other one has answered it. Ring is optional, but nice... and helpful to keep other people from trying to hit on you.

One thing that peeves me is when people announce they're engaged but aren't getting married for a couple of years. C'mon! I can understand wanting to show how strong your bond is, but throwing an engagement party and raking in the gifts... not cool. Just know that you're in a strong relationship and keep the actual engagement for when you're really getting married.

Here's my situation:

I've been in a great relationship for over four years now.

We both know we'll end up married and are already talking kids and family. But he's not quite there yet - still too unreliable and more interested in his own fun than in responsibility.

So in my case, I've made it clear that I want a traditional proposal and a ring. - Not for the sake of the jewelery ( I actually don't want something expensive, but my cheap taste is very particular ;), but to show that he's willing to put in the work, research and thought it takes to plan something special for me.

The proposal is the ultimate way to show that you're ready to commit to the marriage and to put yourself second to make your partner happy. At that point, you can stick a ring from a gum ball machine on my finger for all I care ;)

Answer 14

Talk is cheap. That's all that I have to say about that.

Being engaged is more that spitting empty promises under rose colored glasses; An engagement is when a SERIOUS gentleman that has finacial viability to get married, proposes a woman marriage and speaks to her family about his plans and his financial standing to carry on with such plans a a date to carry that promise on.

If a ring doesn't make you engaged, blah blah blah doesn't make you engaged either.

Good luck

PS/ If I had a nickel for every man that has proposed to me without a ring, I'll be rich by now LOL!!!!!!!

Answer 15

Engaged means the male/female got down on one knee or said the words "Will you marry me?" If you just say... "Hey, lets get married sometimes soon" That isn't very official. I can say, personally, I am engaged... My fiance got on one knee and asked the question. He didn't have a big expensive ring for me, we both got cheap wedding bands until we can afford nice, shiny rings. I'd think you'd need to have some type of ring on your finger if you're engaged... it doesn't need to be expensive, or huge, or shiny... Just something to show you are getting married. That is just my personal opinion. Without those things it kind of seems like one of the people in the relationship don't really care... That it's just another event in life, whatever, ya know? There has to be Some excitement in it...

Answer 16

I don't really think that being engaged necessarily depends on having a ring, but it does depend on having a set plan. By that, I mean a date. How can a person say, "we're getting married" when really, you're not, at least not yet. I feel you become engaged when you start making definite plans for your wedding.

For example my friend has been "engaged" for almost 2 years now. They have yet to set a date, and don't even have any idea what year they will get married in. She's actually this close to making them leave the house they live in together. In comparison, my boyfriend of 8 years and I have a really stable relationship, live together, and we are going tomorrow to reserve the location and date for our wedding next August. He already said that he will be asking me and have a ring for me by the end of the summer. I would say that it looks like we're the ones that will be getting married in the near future. To be honest though, I'm still not using the "engaged" word until he asks.

As far as for you, really, I don't think you can say you're engaged yet. You can say you're "promised" to one another, but 3 years is a long ways away. Like I mentioned before, when you start seriously planning your wedding in a couple years or so and don't have a ring at that point, then you can start saying engaged.

Answer 17

People get engaged then act like it never happened until several years pass, which is quite ridiculous. You either are engaged or you're not.

In my opinion, engaged is when either by proposal or mutual agreement two people choose to spend the rest of their lives together, and have at least a year, if not a date, in mind for the event. If you don't have a time frame, or haven't shared the news with those you love, you don't have an engagement.

Answer 18

My FH and myself were  'unofficially engaged'. We discussed marriage all the time and know we're it in for life. However I didnt have a ring on my finger, and he never formally asked. He always introduced me as his fiance to friends and coworkers, and everyone else knew it was just a matter of time and money until he formally asked. Once he did it, it made it all the more better.

Answer 19

I think it is ridiculous that a woman has to be asked in order to be considered engaged like so many of you are saying! I've been with my guy for almost 6 years, we've talked about moving in, getting married, having kids etc. I told him not do the whole silly "will you marry me?"  DUH!!! We've been talking about it for a while, you know the answer, why go through the show????  I told him I would just feel better if we said hey, lets pick a date! That is exactly what we did, he still wanted to get me an engagement ring which I got about 2 months after we decided to get married. That did not whatsoever take away from the fact that we didn't become engaged in the traditional way.

Answer 20

I consider a couple engaged if someone asked and the other person accepted.  The ring is not the most important part, the official agreement to get married is what makes an engagement.

My engagement started out with no ring and a very vague timeline and I got the same reactions as you.  What really matters is that you and your fiance know you're serious about it and everyone else will understand that in time.

Answer 21

I consider someone engaged when they have been asked to get married, or if they have done the asking and their significant other said yes. You don't need a ring, but you do need a promise. "We'll get married sometime" doesn't quite cut it in my books. "I want to marry you" is VERY different from "I will marry you".  Lots of people talk marriage before really becoming engaged. You need to have a sit down and have a talk with your significant other to be sure that this is no longer just dreaming, you are truly planning on becoming married. You don't need a ring or a fancy proposal, but you can't go on a handful of "yes, well maybe sort of someday"s.

ADD: If he asked if you would marry him and you said yes, then you are officially engaged by my definition. You don't even need to tell people yet for it to be "official", you just took the first step. I don't even think you need to be actively planning, I see it as a promise to get married even if it is a ways off. I won't be getting married until at least the summer of 2011 (finishing college, like you), but since we are planning on a marriage even if we aren't planning the details of the wedding yet, we are engaged.