Is this PTSD? Grief? Depression? Or just sad?

Question

My husband and I lost our son just two hours after he was born last November due to a metabolic deficiency and severe anemia. The doctors could never say exactly why this happened. We were both in shock for a while and then just trying to recover, but now I find I'm thinking of him a lot and feeling easily scared, anxious and agitated. I lost my business at roughly the same time because I couldn't promote my business properly, and then we had to file bankruptcy and I was out of work for almost 5 months *and* we just miscarried again in July and decided to not risk another child. I have two PT jobs now but put in my notice at one because I find myself getting really agitated with the more prima donna personalities who have to make such a big deal about nothing. Don't people realize how lame it is to get upset over work?

Anyway, I find myself more angry, angsty (I don't like people touching me who I don't know, like I don't want to get a massage or a manicure or anything like that) and thinking more and more about all of it. I can't seem to be happy with where I am. I want to appreciate life but aside from my husband and cats, it's just kind of lame. I made an appointment finally with a therapist because I don't want to jump to meds if this is a normal grief thing. (I *do* have a history of depression but went off the Zoloft after Jack died because I felt like that and my epilepsy meds were responsible for his death). Things were okay for a while but I wonder if maybe my depression is back. Of course I will see a doctor this week but I wanted to see what everybody thinks just to get it out there...

Answer 1

How awful for you. You've been through a lot. I know the feeling of not wanting to be touched or bothered when grieving. I believe this happens because the loss of someone you love is so invasive to your emotions & your heart that you can't tolerate any physical contact either. I would guess that you are in depression & you've got every reason to be.

And also your priorities have changed after you lost your child. Nothing in every day life will seem to be an issue compared to the death of that baby.

Please try to take one day at a time. Do the best you can for that day. If you try to think far ahead it becomes overwhelming. Eventually you will heal somewhat. The sorrow will be there but you will be able to function okay. Everyone grieves differently so be easy on yourself.

I wish you well.

Answer 2

Im sorry that you lost your baby's from the sounds of it you have been through a very rough time lately and I hope that your appointment will help you through your grief.  However it is pretty normal to think about your children and to grieve their loss, you must be a very strong person to be able to live through all of this.

I think that these moods that you are going through are also a part of the process and I would bring them up in your meeting with the therapist so that at least they are out there in the open.

Answer 3

have you looked at acute stress disorder?  Not from the kind of trauma (war, etc) that people think of, but series of high stress, losses, worries, etc.  You sure qualify on that.  Pretty much what I am dealing with, so it jumps out. I have sat for hours, looking for the "exact" thing, so I can find a way OUT of it.  Oh, yeah.. the anxiety part.  I am getting afraid to drive. I finally figured that all the rest being beyond control, I am doubting my ability to control ANYTHING.  

I mean.. losing a baby, a bankruptcy, out of work, miscarriage. Any one of these would qualify on its own as a "severe stressor".  Oh.. I didn't catch the epilepsy thing. Gee... like you needed more?

Someone once told me that my issues could be called a NORMAL reaction to an ABNORMAL event. Not one, but many. Makes sense. I have also desperately tried to not have anger.. until he also said "you would be sick if you were NOT angry about that".  Simple validation. It is ok to hurt.  No.. I do NOT WANT to stay in this, and it does kind of become a spiral, that you want to stop but don't know how. If you hadn't fully "recovered" from baby (it never goes away, it just gets a proper place).. then more coming at you, means you are more vulnerable.

No.. I am not a therapist, but it is just living experience, and so much is really common sense, if you think about it.  I know today's world, we expect ourselves to be superhuman and it just does not work like that.  I think that accepting grief and all the rest, is the first step to stop kicking yourself because you "should" be stronger. The irony maybe is accepting your humanness, then opens a door to healing?

And.. consider that I am writing this as much for me as for you..because it helps me focus some thinking.  

edit

the baby I lost would be 27 now.  I always said that the purpose for that loss, was so I could truly understand and empathise with someone else, in the future.

Answer 4

im so sorry, babe, take time out go ona holiday, do something ANYTHING to get ur mind off it.

what happened WAS NOT UR FAULT!! u could not have prevented it, nor could u have stopped what hapened. u cant turn back time, so embrace the time u do have.

if nothing eles, live for ur child, although he is not here, grive, and live for you, if only to smile and see beauty in life.

mabee, everynight, light a candle in memory of him, never forget him, but move on, he isnt living in the flesh, but he will never die in your mind.

Answer 5

I am so sorry for your losses.

I think you have made a good decision in going to see your therapist, of course you must have grief issues to resolve but they will be able to assess whether it is more than that and advise you on what track to take.

It's possible that your tragedy has caused your depression to return  but try your therapist first.

I wish you well for you future

Good luck