Is this a Dondiesque ballad/pome?

Question

I have wanted to write a Dondiesque

Ballad for a long time. Do you think

he could sing this one?

What is Old Age?

by Elaine Polin

Come, with me into Forever

where we first emerged

expelled as part of space and time,

in a cosmic surge.

Our years number in their billions,

stardust years have passed,

evolving slowly into life

since Day One’s great blast.

Time’s slow passage makes us recent

in ancient, newborn, flow,

eons of expansion passing

as we learn and grow.

I have lived for only decades

the Universe my seed,

we will live in timeless splendor

stardust Thinking Reed.

Answer 1

I can just hear this. Lovely song.  

Answer 2

Elaine P,

POME? Any words brought together within the magnitude of this message should always be a song of Joy to sing. I hope Dondie's voice is up to the task...

DAWN OF A NEW AGE

Come With Me Forever

Where We First Emerged

Space And Time And Weather

Floating In A Cosmic Surge

Years Number In The Billions

Stardust And Debris Has Passed

A Utopia Rising With Two Suns

Since Day One Has Been Casted

CHORUS

Dawn Of A New Age

Constellation Stage

Planet's Will Align

For A Universal Mind

Passages Of Time

Have Been Descending

Birth Of All Mankind

Is It Never Ending?

Through It All Love

RELEASE

Even Though I Have Lived For Only Decades

Within Her Womb I Was A Seed

We Can Live On Edges Of Splendor

Zodiac Signs Of Astrology

GUITAR SOLO

CROWD CHANT

We Are Part Of The Universe

We Are Bound Every One Of Us

We Are Part Of The Universe

We Are Bound Every One Of Us

Answer 3

Do I have permission to cry once more?

It's been a RIDICULOUSLY emotional day, but all is being put into perspective.

Thank you, Elaine

"Come with me into forever." I LOVE that!

Answer 4

When he sings it, please send me a recording, for I would love to hear it....it already sang whilst reading it, but to hear Dondi perform this, icing on the cake!

Lovely, you know how I love the theme of connectedness in the cosmos, was truly music to my heart.

ma

Answer 5

I think this is a lovely poem with a lovely theme, but the rhythm isn't as bouncy as a Dondi (in my opinion). I'd have to scan this with other Dondi's to be sure but I'm going to go with my gut and say this has more trochees than a Dondi. At least the stanzas start off trochaic.

Doesn't "Dondi" sound like a good name for a poetry style--right up there with Trigee? Anyway, I'm not trying to be mean, just honest--even if I am completely wrong (which that is a good possiblity).

Answer 6

A beautiful ballad, and I almost missed it...Y/A is sluggish tonight.

I really think the third stanza is stunning.  Thanks.  Now to get Dondi to write a tune...

Answer 7

II think you succeeded. It sounds close enough. I've tried to answer your questions. No luck. Wondering if this one will post.

Answer 8

If you have the music to "I've been working on the Railroad", sing this ballad to that tune.  It fits pretty well, and sounds pretty good.

Dondi gives you an A for your ballad, and a star for your collection and a kiss just cause he wants to.