Is this a bad punishment for children?

Question

My step daughter was very tough when I first met her. Her mother died when she was 4..i met her at 6.

she bossed her dad around and was pretty abusive. Her dad is pretty laid back.

she has come along way however, there are still issues.

She listens in school because she said if she doesn't they don't allow her to play a recess.( I dont want to forget to mention ,,she said that she doesn't listen to dad because she doesn't have too.)

So, I found what she really hates. Being bored! when she doesn't listen she gets a strike...5 strikes she is sent to her room for day and night of nothing to do . I told her she needs to sit and think. She is only allowed to look out the window, eat and use the bathroom. It works ...she hates it but is it too harsh!

If you think it is...do you have any suggestions for punishments?

Answer 1

im pretty laid back, ive never punished mine in that manner [though im not innocent, i do scream alot],lol

kids will be kids, they play up all the time

i find the more u punish them the more they get angry

focus more on rewarding her when she behaves,, my 9yr old can be bad,, but i find if i reward his good behavious he acts better

i give him a hug whenever hes good, or buy him a treat when we r out and explain that if he behaves he makes me happy

good luck, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Answer 2

Well, what you need to remember is the point of a punishment is to teach the child a lesson, not to make them miserable. You need to find something thatt fits whatever it is she has done. I wouldn't say that the punishment you are giving is too harsh, maybe just a bit too long. I think an hour or two would suffice, if it is for little things. You need to remember, that she is a child, and is going to have her moments. She probably doesn't like the fact that you are the one punishing her, since she lost her mom so young. She might think "maybe my real mom wouldn't be so mean." I'm not saying you're being mean, but this is what she may be thinking.

I would make a chart. Each time you do said action after 3 warnings per day (this is just a start, as she begins behaving better this number can decrease to 2, and then 1) you will get this consequence as a result. Maybe have her doing something productive, instead of doing nothing. Make her clean, take away the phone/computer, take away her tv or radio. Make her sit in her room for an hour or two. Vary the time by the punishment.

But also, give her a rewards chart. "Everytime you don't do this at all in a day, you'll get a sticker. If you get soo many stickers you can have a free pass on cleaning your room/10 dollars/have a friend sleep over"

Positive reinforcement works very well as well.

Hope I helped!  

Answer 3

I don't think I would wait for the 5 strikes.   Maybe 3.  

I have a cousin that was in a similar situation.   My aunt took everything out of the room...All of her toys, dolls, any decorations (curtains, sheets, pictures) the tv, the bedroom door....absolutely everything!  She was left with a bed frame, matress, pillow and a blanket.  This lasted about a month.  

This worked when nothing else would.  

Answer 4

SHE IS NOT YOUR DAUGHTER, IT IS HER DADS DECISION, NOT YOURS!

Answer 5

Day and night is a bit long for a six year old.  An hour is probably sufficient.  You could have her write "I will listen to my dad". 20 times while she is staying in her room.  Tell her the next time it will be 30 times, etc....A good Bible verse for writing is "Children, obey your parents in the Lord for this is right".

Answer 6

she has issue with her father and some need to find out what that is and if punishing work do and talk to her about her dad why she feel she doesn't have to listen to him

Answer 7

Good punishment but a little too long I think.  However, if it is working then keep doing it.

Answer 8

I think it is a good punishment but it might be a bit too long.

Answer 9

I think it's a good punishment. I only got one strike so she's lucky to have 5!

Answer 10

no, thats exactly what being grounded is!

Answer 11

a whole day is too long.

and the longer you give her to think bad things about you the more she will hate you.

is it possible that she doesnt get enough attention,

so she gets it by doing things she shouldnt?

i dont know, maybe make her do chores?

Answer 12

I think your step daughter may need some professional help. She lost her mom at a very young age and may be just acting out because she doesn't know how to cope with the lost of her mother. You and your husband need to get together and set ground rules for the children. There shouldn't be a "bad" and a "good" cop. You guys have to both be disciplinarians. Otherwise you will seem to be the "bad" guy that came in to their family and ruin everything in your step daughters eyes.Your husband needs to help you in raising her.

I think 5 strikes is a lot of chances. When I was a child I didn't get 3 strikes it was one or two and that's it. I would change the punishment every time because it can become complacent. Maybe have her write lines or take away her toys for a period of time, no tv for a certain amount of hours or even have her help with chores. I know when I was bad a 6-7 years old my mom would have me stand on a foot stool and help wash dishes. I hated that. After the punishment was over my mother would explain why she punished me and what I can do to not get punished again.

Also I think try rewarding her once in a while when she actually does something she is told to do. Children love it when you notice their accomplishments. I'm not saying to go broke every time she does some thing right. But maybe get her stickers, a coloring book, markers,  paint her nails or even play make-up day with her. Just do something to show that you appreciate her effort.

Good luck to you!

Answer 13

You don't really mention how old she is right now... maybe around 7?  

I think it is a very good punishment but like others, perhaps a bit long.  5 strikes is a lot of chances so she knows that she can get away with stuff 4 times before it matters.  

I liked the idea someone had of 1 strike is x number of minutes, 2 striks, x number, etc...

I think you are doing a great job of handling her and I would look to the dad to step up a bit.