Is this a fitting tribute/dedication?

Question

to the Poets of Mars?

Upon the planet Mars we write

wishful poetic second sight,

a place of love and liberty

where words flow with a synergy

away from Earth's chaotic plight.

With pen and not with blades we fight,

pointing the wrongs out from the right,

here expression is truly free,

upon the planet Mars.

In the communal dome at night

we share our words so that we might

make them pierce hearts so poignantly

that all of Earth can't help but see

the brilliant blinding poet's light

upon the planet Mars.

Author's Note: This is a repost, as they deleted me for solicitation. How wonderful. Title suggestions are welcome.

Answer 1

oh Yes  it is quite obvious that you are soliciting a trip to Mars...you naughty fiend..That's right I called you a fiend....Ode to Mars...I think that's highly original..Hmmm at first i thought i was being sarcastic but maybe it is so unoriginal that it becomes original..maybe?..Perhaps?

Answer 2

If indeed you are soliciting, I'll take two to go.

Answer 3

This should never have been deleted.  It is one of the most beautiful, soulful poems I've read.

T.

Answer 4

A very fitting dedication. Mars is the brightest thing in the Earth's sky when the poets are reciting their verse. Love it!

Answer 5

Refreshing to see a poem written in classic form. A friend calls me a "reactionary" when it comes to poetry, I assume. My reaction to this one is very positive.

Answer 6

The Martian Poetic Lisense? My only request is that add an 'of' between planet and Mars. I think it would go well with the flow. Enjoyed it, and yes, quite fitting.

Answer 7

I love the metaphorical logic of pen > blade > pierce (hearts); it compensates, successfully if belatedly, for the naïveté of line 6. `Light' as a less natural consequence of the logic of the poem as presented.  The refrain is modulated with admirable suppleness.

To me the three beat feet (or in some cases, the possible readings thereof) in lines 2, 7, 8, 10, 12 are not obvious improvements, and perhaps `brilliant blinding' is oddly too intense, from the mere `can't help but see,' if even slightly wordy.