Is this a good essay? what should the title be?

Question

China and Olmec

Have you ever heard of the Olmec and the ancient China civilization? Do you know their similarities and differences? Well in this essay, you will learn about their similarities and differences in their religion, social class, and language. The Olmec and the China civilization are very different, but they are similar in many different ways.

China and Olmec had very different things they believed in. The Olmecs believed that gods take on both human and animal features. They based their religion on the forces of nature. Chinese people made buildings with the edges curved upward toward heaven because there religion was based on heaven. They also believed that an aguar, someone who ask questions to gods on oracle bones, could talk to the gods in heaven. China and Olmec also have things they have in common. They both built temples to worship the gods and they believed that each god had their own talent.

In both of the civilizations, they had a social class. It is when each person is divided into what kind of job you have or how rich you are. China's social structure included peasants, landowners, and civil service. The Olmec's social structure included a theocracy and had priests and government officials. They both had rulers or emperors and they both had social structure included merhants, craft people, and farmers.

Each language is different from one another, but the Chinese and Olmec language are very different from one another. The Chinese language is written with characters or symbols. When you read the Chinese language you read down and then the next column going left. The Olmec language, also called Olmec hieroglyphs, consists of logograms, signs that represent an entire morpheme, which is a whole word. In Olmec hieroglyphs, there are 62 glyphs, which are the numbers from 1-62, and 32 unique characters, which are the main words. Both languages are originally pictures of people, animals, or other things. They also represent whole words.

As you now know, China and the Olmecs have many differences and similarities in their religion, social class, language, and many other things. Although the Olmecs are younger and not well known than China, the Olmecs are very similar.

Answer 1

Title...

Did the Olmecs Come from China?

Answer 2

"ancient china civilization" is way too broad of a term to use.  What period in the ChinESE civilization are you referring to? What dynasties?  Other than that I would use the word "Chinese" to describe the civilization, not "china civilization".

As for a title, try "Similarities and differences between ancient Chinese and Olmec Civilizations"

Answer 3

Yes, very interesting.  But.....Difficult to read.

Use more paragraphs.  Like Earwax has done above me.

If you're using words like theocracy, then you'll be well able to sort this out.

Answer 4

The essay is a disaster for anyone beyond fifth grade. I cn say this with confidence because my daughter is in 8th grade and she stopped writing the way you have, in fourth grade. You have a good opening sentence but that's it. You never explain why you have chosen the Olmec and Chinese. You haven't said where the Olmecs lived and what part(s) of China you mean. Even in re the Chinese langauge, you have not said WHICH Chiniese language you mean. Basically, you are missing too much information and the information that IS there is disorganized and hard to understand.

Answer 5

Is this for a High School or college assignment?  If it's for a High School class I would rate it about 8 (pretty high - I am a tough grader).  

The essay is clear and sticks to its points. And the points are accurate.  

I recommend writing a couple more thoughts in the conclusion - for example - what did you learn from doing this?  Why do you think the Olmec and Chinese were similar in some ways and different in others?