Is this a good financial aid appeal??? Good Feedback Only Please.....?

Question

The reason being is as follows:

Just after the start of the semester my Grandmother passed away. That hit me very hard because she was always a source of support and encouragement for me. She had always been like a mother to me. She passed away in February and her passing had a very hard impact on the family. It was especially hard for me because I had just had a baby shortly before and was going through a very stressful time in my life as it was. I tried to continue on with my classes but eventually the stress of a new baby, the passing of my Grandmother and going to school full time eventually became too much to handle. I ended up dropping my classes in March.

It has now been over a year since both the passing of my Grandmother and the birth of my daughter. My children attend school full time and I have a stable job with a flexible schedule. I need to continue with my degree so that I can get a better job to make a better life for my children.

Even though I was not able to complete that semester I was very successful in completing the semesters prior and made acceptable grades in those courses. I have one more course to take (Anatomy and Physiology I and Lab) before I start my nursing sequence. I have saved enough to take that course and the Nutrition course and plan to take them in the Fall Semester 2008 since Anatomy and Physiology Lab is not offered during the summer.

I am willing to do whatever it takes to get my financial aid back and maintain it. I promise to keep up with my grades and complete every class that I attempt. If allowed a second chance with financial aid I will complete my degree in about two years. It would take me twice as long if I had to pay for it myself. I ask that you take these things into consideration and thank you for reviewing my request

Answer 1

I think its really good.  You were truthful which is what people are looking for.  As long as you keep your grades up for the classes your paying for, im sure you will get your aid back.

Answer 2

I think you need an intro paragraph.  

You statement appears to be missing the "why" you are writing this letter.  Something like,

"Upon returning to school this semester I discovered I have exceed the maximum allowed hours to meet <insert college name here> satisfactory progress standards because I have too many college hours due to dropping every time a semester got difficult... yada yada yada..

or

I am writing to request an appeal of my fin aid suspension because my current cumulative  grade point average is 1.98 which I understand is not high enough to meet the 2.0 grade point average to meet the schools satisfactory academic progress standards... yada yada yada and then go into your "Reason"  also put this in as a complete sentence not a "Reason as follows".  Everything should be in complete sentences including that sentence... it shouldn't be a title.

The more understanding you show in WHY your fin aid got suspended the more likely you are to get it back because they know you won't do it again.