Note: I know this is long but can you at least read a couple of paragraphs just to give me a decent critique.
Chapter One:
"Congratulations on your victory Fabian!"
Fabian. What kind of name is that? It sounded like something out of a cheesy harlequin novel. Yet all the girls couldn't see to get it out of their minds. "Oh Fabian!" "Oh Fabian" Oh give me a break! He wasn't that amazing and I should be the one to know.
I was his Personal Assistant...minus the "istant" part which translates into Personal A$$. Working for him was worse than any punishment they could ever give me in a courthouse. I would quit but it was a way to get into the lucrative business of Knighting. I wanted to be one more than anything else. I wanted it all.
The fame. The glory. The honor. None of which I currently had. Fame? Well I was infamous....if that counts. I was known as the notorious "Town Clown". Cool nickname? Not really, but it seemed to be catchy to other kids in town who liked to remind me of the time when a male sheep dog tried to mate with me.
Glory? I only had the glory of being the winner of the pie eating contest at the fair. And honor? Not a drop. Honor was stripped away from me before I was born when my father was caught in a "traitorous plot" to overthrough the king. He left some time after my birth due to the fact that the whole town turned on him. Since then I've been known as the son of a "traitor".
Well, the thing I wanted more from Knighting than anything else was the girls. Yeah, I know you're probably thinking "Why Girls?". Well if you're anything like me and you've never had a girl even look at you (excluding mothers, sisters, and other female relatives), then you probably want one.
My first and only crush was Princess Carnella but my first encounter with her made a very bad impression. I was with Fatty (one of my many terms for Fabian) one day when he was invited to the palace after defeating some dragon, troll, or whatever. We were about to meet the royal family and some weird, servant lady runs to me and tells me to hold her baby while she uses the bathroom. And I know your thinking "What the h**l?" and trust me, so was I.
So I was holding the....thing and I noticed a peculiar smell. It was the smell of rotten eggs and garlic. I automatically assumed the baby had soiled itself so out of my sheer boyish curiosity (I was fifteen at the time), I leaned in closer to sniff it. There was silence and I looked up to realize everyone in the room was staring at me while I had my nose inches away from this baby's rear.
The princess was pointing a finger at me and had a disgusted look on her face. "Answer me! I said what are you doing?" I opened my mouth trying to get an explanation out but my words were caught because one, I was dumbfounded by her royal hotness, and two, I was caught in a bad moment. "Were you sniffing that baby's butt?"
"Um...uh...wa-wa-well um...see what had happened was..."
"Guards! Take this sick boy out of our castle!"
Two troll-looking guys come over and throw me--I mean literally throw me-- out of the castle. They didn't even give me the right to walk. So now the lust of my life thought I was a baby sniffer, and I had another thing to add to my "Town Clown" reputation. Oh, goodie!
That was my only encounter with a girl besides the screaming twelve year olds who only talk to me to ask "Do you think you could get me an autograph with Fabian?" Um...let me think...NO!!! I actually challenged myself to a game one day where I took a sip of brandy every time someone asked me that. And incase you were wondering... I was drunk within the hour.
So today I was going to be rid of Fabian. The dagger in my existence. The dear Princess Carnella was kidnapped by some sorceror and was locked in a tower guarded by some dragon thing. A strong knight would be the one to "rescue her from her misery". He had to be brave, daring, and pretty much everything that didn't describe me. This was Fabian's kind of thing. The slaying monsters, conquering villains, getting the girl...all of that described him.
He would have been well on his way to saving her but the King wanted to ask the Wise Mirror who it should be to make sure she could get the best saving the world could offer. This annoyed Fabian but didn't faze him much. He already knew he'd be chosen. His prize would be the princess' hand in marriage. Something I could only dream about. I was jealous and happy at the same time because although I wish it could be me, at least I would now be the ***-istant to royalty.
I daydreamed about the lofty job of working in the castle. That would be great on my application to Knight School. Fabian the Fabulous wouldn't be so great without me, Derek "Town Clown" Rogers.
Fabian walked towards me with that unforgetable smugness on his face. "Dejay?"
"It's Derek!" I clenched my fists. Could he ever get my name right?
"Whatever. Can we talk privately?" My eyes narrowed. He never made an effort to talk to me
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