Is this a good idea to tell married coworker this?

Question

I quit emailing him about two weeks ago. He emailed me last. We're innocently flirtatious email buddies at work and we've been emailing each other for months. Nothing inappropriate has happened, except my feelings for him are inappropriate, given he is married. I have never intended on being a homewrecker nor have I been one before. I gather he has been interested in me, but he has never made any advances towards me nor have I towards him.. I can't cope with being friends with him anymore as my feelings are so strong because he has given me so much innocent attention and because we've been emailing each other, sometimes all day long, just joking around & talking about current events. He is such a nice guy that I hate to just ditch his friendship as I've never had so much fun at work as I have with him. I just wish I could be friends with him & not let my attraction stand in the way. We sometimes see each other in person & talk on the phone at work. He has emailed me from home, which I know is wrong. I have no reason to believe he isn't happily married. He emailed me last week saying he hasn't heard from me in a while & I have stayed strong by not emailing him back. If he asks me again why I haven't been in touch, to end things once & for all, and to not be rude, do you think it would be a good idea to email him him saying that right now I can't be friends with him because I've developed an attraction towards him that I know is wrong? I don't want to cause awkwardness between us, but we rarely run into each other, so I don't have to worry about that. I think it might be inappropriate to email him (brief email) saying I have been attracted to him? I don't want to start a bigger fire. I can't confront him in person with this. Thanks for your help.

Answer 1

There is nothing innocent about flirting,,

I predict trouble-trouble-trouble

Do you honestly want to be labled the office w***e or a homewrecker?

Answer 2

I haven't been in this situation, but chances are if you have strong feelings, then he has more than a little himself. He may not, but do you want to take that risk? You already stated you don't want to be a homewrecker and that you can't cope with being just friends with him. so, you either take the risk of having an affair, hurting his marriage and shaming yourself, or, you face loneliness of not being friends with him any more. But you've already said you can't be just friends.

The right choice is to tell him "let's cool it, my emotions are out of control and I don't want to F up my life, your life and your wife's life." Then try to make friends with someone single. But this is extremely difficult and tedious. Nobody wants to dump a relationship that makes us feel good in exchange for loneliness and heartache, whether it is the right thing or not. It comes down to a choice between self-respect and consideration for others, and right-now gratification.

My sympathy goes out to you and I hope you can find a great single guy with whom you will have twice as much fun and appreciate 10x as much!

Answer 3

I think he is trying the same thing, and what he is doing with you is just as equally wrong. Does his wife know about you? Do you know his wife? Does he even mention what him and his wife do when you are together? If you are attracted to him I would do the right thing and not email him back to not lead things the wrong way and become a home wrecker.

But it seems like he is unhappy, because I don't flirt with other people at my job, and I am in a relationship.

Answer 4

That will start a bigger fire so do not tell him this.  You are going through a "forbidden fruit" thing right now.  The more you can't have him the more you want him.  

Go out and find some nice guy to date and you will soon forget about your co-worker.

Answer 5

well i know you said that you didn't want to tell him in person but i think you should you haven't done anything wrong and you definitely can't help who you get attracted to... so just tell him that you know its inappropriate to Have feelings for him so that's why you have distanced your self from him lately.. just let him how you feel and that you know its wrong and you wont be acting on your feelings you just need to clear your head. if hes a really good friend then he will understand it might be awkward for a little bit but at least he will understand why you are avoiding him...  

i hope this helps you with your problem.. good luck and i hope it works out for you both and you can still be friends :)