Is this a good letter to write to township?

Question

8-30-08

“When others are oppressed, no one is truly free.”

- Albert Einstein

To whomever it may concern,

I am writing to you today, because I don’t feel that it is fair that BMX riders are not allowed at the skate park. After all we do live in a democracy, and the people of witch that use the skate park. Don’t mind us bikers at the park, with them. They actually like us there. We look out for each other we are all friends. Besides it’s not the people at the skate park who have a problem with it. It’s the parents who are bringing there young children to the skate park. Although I have no problem with children getting an early start on extreme sports. But they do get in the way an awful lot.

If it is in your interest I am a 14 year old boy. And myself and all of the other bikers believe that it is unfair that we are not allowed. Besides it was us bikers tax money spent on this park. After all I was one of the kids that went to all of the meeting for the skate park. And I would not have shown any interest in the project if I knew bikers would not be allowed.

The out-come of this dilemma could vary. A group of local bmx riders are already, considering a protest. Or as an easier rout you could just allow bikers. Or at least set up a time where bikers are allowed. Or the “safest” way of going at it, is to build a new park only for Bmx. I am aware that this is a vary expensive project, it is only fair.

Thank you, for your time. Please reply at,

[e-mail]

Answer 1

the following does not make since "After all we do live in a democracy, and the people of witch that use the skate park. Don’t mind us bikers at the park, with them."

you should fix that part. also its which not "witch" and "bringing their" not "there"

and

i would get rid of "Although I have no problem with children getting an early start on extreme sports. But they do get in the way an awful lot." i dont see the point of it. what are you trying to prove or say?

also trying to seem so formal, "if it is in your interest" makes you seem like...well..a 14 year old. you should write regularly.

also get rid of "And" in the sentence "And myself and all ...."

"The out-come of this dilemma could vary." that should be rid of ,actually i think you should rewrite that whole paragraph.

fix your wording and grammar and spelling. i think you should hand in a petition along with this letter or have other kids write letters. good luck you should be allowed in.

oh and its "to whom it may concern" not "whomever"

Answer 2

I haver made some revisions, notably in punctuation and some of your words, I have softened them and offered an alternate suggestion, to set aside a section of the park for BMX but please see below:

8-30-08

“When others are oppressed, no one is truly free.”

- Albert Einstein

To whomever it may concern,

I am writing to you today because I don’t feel that it is fair that BMX riders are not allowed at the skate park. After all, we do live in a democracy, and the people who use the skate park don’t mind us bikers at the park with them. They actually like us there. We look out for each other; we are all friends. Besides, it’s not the people at the skate park who have a problem with it, it’s the parents who are bringing their young children to the skate park. Although I have no problem with children getting an early start on extreme sports, but they do get in the way sometimes.

I am a 14 year old boy, and I and all of the other bikers believe that it is unfair that we are not allowed. After all, I was one of the kids that went to all of the meetings for the skate park, and I would not have shown any interest in the project if I knew bikers would not be allowed.

The outcome of this dilemma could vary. A group of local BMX riders are already considering a protest. Or as an easier route, you could just allow bikers,or set up a time when bikers are allowed. Or the “safest” way of going at it, is to build a new park only for Bmx or set aside a section of the park for BMX.

Thank you for your time.

[e-mail]

Answer 3

no, sorry thats not well written or well thought out.  Its full of typos and sentence fragments.  You threaten them with a protest and you kind of come off as immature.  You should never threaten to get your way it doesn't work.  The Einstein quote is a little odd there too.

Answer 4

The township can't really do anything about changing this rule.  I think it has to go on the ballot and be voted on in a general election.

To get the matter on the ballot, you need to circulate petitions and get enough registered voters to sign them. You could check into this, and get your fellow bmx riders to help by going door to door and get the required signatures.

If you do choose to send this letter, you need someone to edit it for you.  I see several words that you should change.  For example,  it is "which" not "witch" and "their" not  "there" and so on.  

Answer 5

Well, first off, I would get a parent or older friend to edit this, there's a lot of spelling/grammar errors that don't make your request look serious enough. Second, I would nix the Einstein quote, I think it comes off a little melodramatic. Third, I would leave the ending more open to collaborative solutions, like 'maybe we can talk about these options' or 'let me know what you can do about this...' etc.

Also, make sure you are addressing this to the right person. Make sure the township can help you out, and if they can, make sure you address it to the proper department, and follow up. As a reporter, I can tell you that first contacts aren't always effective, but showing up at your township's city hall or what-have-you and asking to speak to someone in person, even if it takes several tries, normally does work.

Kudos for getting involved in making a change in your community. Don't give up if you don't get your way in the beginning. Keep at it, especially if this issue is important to you. Either way you'll feel good about yourself.