Is this a good man or a bad man?

Question

I have a question for my muslim sisters. My husband wants to know if he is of good quality or what he is doing is right or wrong.

Good

He does not beat me

He does not physically cheat on me

He does not drink

He does not do drugs

He does not go to bars

He spends almost all of the time home "with me"

He has few friends

Bad

He talks online to other women for hours at a time

He has no thought or concern for my feelings

He will not try to understand my feelings

He does not show me affection

He says that I am beggin for love, that he thinks it should be shown naturally and when it is truly felt

He does not think that saying I love you means that he loves me

He will not spend time with me alone, only rarely and when I ask for it

He wishes me to bring up my past and my X husbands who did abuse me and compare him to them. These men beat me, cheated on me, forced s*x on me, went to bars. Compared to these other husbands, should I accept him as he is or should I not. I realize there is no perfect man or perfect marriage. Please let me know your opinions.

Answer 1

the fact that he does not show you love and affection shows that he doesnt care for you.

you are supposed to love your wife/husband regardless of what you and the other person have gone through in the past.

you shouldnt just marry for the sake of getting married, you should love the person, otherwise it wouldnt be fair to the other person.

it seems that he has no respect or doesnt think enough of you, because he is like telling you that hez a good man just because he doesnt beat you like your ex's.

in islam its HARAM to beat your wife

...no religion condones that type of behaviour...and your wife has the same rights that you do...she is an equal, man is not superior!

n furthermore, i think its disrespectful that he is married to you and chats with other women.

you need to rethink your marriage

Good luck!

Answer 2

jeez thts horrible, he's definatley not for u, bad guy all the way. u need someone who has concerns for your feelings, will understand your feelings, show you affection (most important), and needs to spend more time with you alone. also i dont think its really a bad thing if he is talking to other women as long as they arent like in love with each other or talking about s*x or anything along those lines.

Answer 3

BAD! n stupid! n not worth it! so wat if he doesnt beat u? thats not the only bad quality in the world?

Answer 4

no, he sounds like a crappy husband that only cares about himself

The bad def. out weigh the good

Answer 5

You obviously already know you have a bummer. Why would any female stay with a jerk like him?  

Answer 6

he is not the type that you want and you wish he would be different soo...dust him!

Answer 7

Compared to your other husbands, hes wonderful. But in this day and age, hes is bad....

If you are happy. You should stay, if you are unhappy then you should leave.

Answer 8

sister he is better than your past but he is not supposed to act like that! a man like that is not worth being married to!

good luck inshallah

Answer 9

Are you aware of how insecure you are? It practically jumps off the page. You can't expect people to love you if you can't love yourself first. Your husband doesn't sound very sensitive if he's asking you to compare him to men that abused you. You both should visit a professional (together)

Answer 10

Wow I feel so bad for woman that think like you. He is a looser and does not love you and has put you down so much that you cannot see him for what he is. LEAVE him or your life will be h**l forever.

Answer 11

Okay, so your husband is a typical good guy. No domestic violence, good morals, blah blah blah.

But.... maybe he thinks that men are better than women. maybe he thinks he's superior to you, and he.. "owns" you.

He's not treating you like a wife, but like something he bought.

You deserve better. Talk to him. Everyone deserves to be heard.

Answer 12

In my opinion, if he is talking to women for hours at a time instead of just talking to you and visiting you (his wife) then that's a very easy way to start cheating. Women naturally need to be shown that their men love them. Hugs, kisses, to cook something, surprises.. stuff like that makes for a great couple. The only thing that I'm really concerned with is that he's online for hours talking to other women. YOU are the woman in his life, he should not be doing that to you. It would be insulting to him if you were online for hours talking to men. By not showing you affection and knowing that you need it, he is beating you emotionally, making you ask for that when it should be freely given. From what I have read, he is no different from your ex-husbands.

Answer 13

Well he doesn't sound to great to me. your question is real black and white though

you are probably thinking this because he hasn't hurt you physically or as far as you know cheated on you physically like the others have.

He has qualities of a bad man in my opinion.

You need to move on. You've got the bad man syndrome.

If he hurts you report it to the police even if he says he'll kill you if you tell anyone.

Answer 14

I'm not Muslim, but I do know he's verbally abusing you.