Is this a good menu?

Question

It has been suggested to me as the organiser of the annual Hunt Ball, that the dinner should now be 'mode paysan' in keeping with the gradual decline of our 'set'. Here are the items suggested, personally it looks like a menu from Mc Donalds. I gave the task to my catering manager M. LeGrande, he came up with this.’Tesco vin bon marché rouge tripes, oignons, ont brassé la pomme de terre, chou, hamburger, pailles du fromage, citronnade, étouffent des oeufs, jambon intercale, tarte de la pomme et flan, mandarin segments oranges et est étamé lait. Needless to say he hung himself in the barn, tied to his jacket was a short note ‘Il est fini, il est la faute de l'anglais, je pends ma tête dans honte. Comments please before the invitations go out. Cuthbertson cut him down and dumped him somewhere, if you should see him, I think his wife and 9 children are looking for him.

Answer 1

My man Bag Thorpe (87) will assist in the disposal of your catering Manager …apparently he does a good line in boning knives and his second cousin owns a pig farm, as for the menu old chap I am afraid our cook cannot help…in fact I would not punish you with her un-human abominations she calls food…even the rats stay away

As for speaking French….

Je constate que les aides françaises parlantes une apprécient les vins et les nourritures plus fins tandis que la lutte commune de gens avec leur garçon d'école tentative de conversation particulièrement s'ils ont un accent de brummi ?

What o old bean ?

Answer 2

I must say I agree with you.  As have that on the menu, we may as well go en masse to a God-awful 'burger bar'.  

Can we not get some grouse or other game, or even a pig?

Answer 3

Onviouslt Il était un imposteur. Les Français ne se sentent pas honte, ils ont tout simplement profiter de la honte d'autrui.

Très bonne question, et tout à fait intéressante

But really, you employed a French person.

Answer 4

Good God, man.  I've never seen anything like it, you might as well hold your ball in a 'Cess fosse' in Dewsbury.

Might I suggest the following menu instead:

Rôti du chien foie, filet de pied de porc, d'un montant brut de footman hachées, arrosé avec quatorze chav gallons de l'urine.

Answer 5

You don't need to tell me who suggested it...... Bagshaw one bets ?

That man ( ? ) is truly an oaf ......  I and others are of the opinion he has had far too many dalliances with the lower orders. As such given his fondness for the associated standards of epicurism, his tastebuds have been sullied to the extent that he can only eat such fare.

Please don't profer such, at the ball.......

You know how much we adore receiving The Goose at the table, particularly Lavinia (my good lady) from you.

On a seperate but similar subject, have you bought the migrant workers in ?  It will make a change from the Foxes.

Answer 6

After your, quite correct, criticism of Sir Marmalade's recent Easter luncheon, I find even the suggestion that you serve this quite unnacceptable. Go with your first instinct, my dear Percy.

A dinner should be judged on the number of diners who develop gout as a direct consequence.