Is this a good or bad prologue? Please answer?

Question

Prologue.

Every head turn to see me. I had to face either life or death for the actions I have made. The crisp air was hitting my face while I walked the line of death. I was sure to die. It was to late to turn back and run from this fear I have. I would be tortured or be hanged. The only thing that was going threw my head was “Elizabeth take this letter and key and give it to Victoria Wilson. Don't let anyone know or something horrible will take place in your life that can end your life.” I have failed Henry Brookfield.

By the way I am only 13 years old.

Answer 1

wow tottally that rocks!!

Answer 2

I'm 14, so I can relate! Good work, it's dramatic and tense but in a good way! However, there are a few errors. Here's an edited version:

Every head turned to see me. I had to face either life or death for the actions I have made. The crisp air was hitting my face while I walked the line of death. Surely, I would die for what I did. It was to late to turn back and run from this fear I have. Torture or the gallows awaited me, and both meant death. The only thing going through my head was “Elizabeth, take this letter and key and give it to Victoria Wilson. Don't let anyone know or something horrible will take place that will end your life!.” I have failed Henry Brookfield.

Also, try to avoid using "I" in the beginning of every sentence. Keep up the good work!

Answer 3

It's alright.

Answer 4

:) I liked it,  sounds good.

Answer 5

That's good, just make sure you check your spellings and your grammar !!

Answer 6

GOOD!!!!! PROLOGUES R SUPPOSED 2 B mysterious and scarry   its great!!!!!!!!                  btw im 13 too   just thought id share that cuz im really bored rite now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

aaaannnnndddddd......................   i love ur namey thingeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    i am obsessed with twilight  !!!!!!!

hope i helped    

im still bored!!!!!!!

Answer 7

wow... pretty good

Answer 8

Eh, it's alright.  Slightly boring.  It doesn't make me want to read the rest.  You repeat the word "death" too much, and the first three lines could probably be combined into one.  You also have some spelling and grammatical errors- t-h-r-o-u-g-h, not t-h-r-e-w, and in the line "Elizabeth, take this letter and key and give it to victoria wilson" you should have tried something like "Take this- it's a key and a letter.  It must be delivered to Victoria Wilson.  This is a matter of life or death."  You're being a bit repetitive, and we have no idea who Henry Brookfield is, nor do we particularly care at this point.  It sounds like the rest might be good, but you need to clean it up.  I also find that the best prologues are one or two lines, not paragraphs or pages long.  I also suggest using stronger verbs- "was" is bland and passive.  Instead of "the crisp air was hitting my face" try "the crisp air hit my face."  It should be "turned" not "turn," and you switch from past to present tense a few times (had is past tense and have is present, but you use them in the same sentence.)

Answer 9

IM 13 TO AND I ALSO ENJOY WRITTING EXCEPT UNLIKE U I HAVE A HARDER TIME HSARRING IT WITH OTHER PEOPLE  AND IM A MORE FANESTY PERSON

ITS GREAT TELL ME IF IT EVER BECOMES A BOOK

R DREAM WRITE-LOL

Answer 10

Can you at least give us some hint as to who Henry is? Otherwise your sentence seems random.

The content of your prologue is very interesting but the execution of it is not great.

I suggest a re-write without looking at the original.

Answer 11

Yeah it's okay. I just needs some editing and such. You might want to make it a little longer as prologues generally are. The one thing I have to say is this part: "Don't let anyone know or something horrible will take place in your life that can end your life." is a little cheesy and doesn't really do  anything. For me at least.  

Answer 12

well idk who Elizabeth, victoria wilson, and henry brookfeild are, but reading this makes me want to find out!!!! thats really good.  

Answer 13

its alright , there are some grammatical errors though. read over it haha.

its good for prologues to be mysterious but it seems really really choppy!

Answer 14

You have tons of grammatical errors. Your sentences begin the same way. You are too repetitive. You change tenses. You add adjectives unnecessarily, remember that adjectives and adverbs aren't your friends.

I'd rate this a 1/10. Poor.

|-|eba

Answer 15

You need to work on your tenses.  "Every head turnED to see me.  I had to face life or death for the actions I'D made"  (Not sure if that line makes sense.  "It was TOO late..."  "The only thing that went THROUGH my head was THE LAST THING HE'D TOLD ME.  "Elizabeth, take this letter...or something horrible will take place that could very well take your life."

Just suggestions.  Keep working at it!  You have potential!