Is this a good paragraph for my story ? ?

Question

Hey guys , I was just wondering if this would sound better first person or third , since i've used third i thought i should stick with it. But i've become confused. =(

The 2nd Paragraph of my story :

School ended for the day and Lucy and Jack walked, trembled and ran home, Lucy talked to Jack about her new Health glasses and what her grandmother might give her.

As Lucy reached home, she gladly waved ‘bye’ to Jack and welcomed her grandmother, who had forgotten to give Lucy her gift the night of her birthday. Thinking patiently, she sat down and took a breathtaking wait to be confronted as her grandmother handed her gift. “First things first darlinn’ngg, please don’t take this to school, its the most significant thhii’nng in my …..Life. I love you’uu and I loved your grandfather deeply…y, you don’t underrsstaa’nd how I’m feeling - that’s the reasonnn I couldn’t be at you birthdaa’y” as her voice stammered her echoed tears began to fall. Baring deep breaths she said “This is for... yyy’ou…Lucy Macawelsh;”

It was a shinny, golden pendant; ovule and damaged with mysterious craved writing which smudged when Lucy gently touched it. Dusty areas of love her grandfather once touched with rubbed charcoal fingerprints and ruler like scratches. ” This was your grandfathers, who used to be a 10th century minor and used his whole life, soul and heart ache dedicated to digging. I remem’mmbber he had a special locke’ttt which I had given to you …. But you were only too young to receive ittt. So, I hid it in my drawer for 10 years to some. Sadly, I had lost it over the yearsss….” As her Grandmother spoke and sniffed pleasure, Lucy glazed with enthusiasm at her grandmother wrinkled face which became cherry red as she cried.

Answer 1

yep but there is no mention about 3 dimensional convertor...ooooo

Answer 2

first person.. show a little bit more about how she feels. but very good!

Answer 3

your choice although first would better depict her feelings at the time, It was a little bit dull in third person, first person is the way to go.

Answer 4

First person would work a lot better.  This also seems to be veering down the "classic fantasy book" path.  Make sure to make it original.  And um...10th century minor?  Lucy should have a bit of a reaction to that, since the tenth century was 11 centuries ago...

Answer 5

I say first person. You can add more about how she feels and be more specific with the details. Good luck!