Is this a good poem? Be honest

Question

You made me think I loved you

And you pretended to care

Just long enough to make me think

You would always be there

Now I see how foolish I was

To put so much trust in you

All because you made me think

That I was in love with you

Love is a funny thing

But I guess you'll never know

Because it is something

You don't know how to show

So don't say you're sorry

And tell me not to cry

Because now I know

Everything you say is a lie

(Please feel free to give me suggestions)

Answer 1

The rhyme scheme is disjointed, and the meter is choppy, inconsistent and extremely awkward. The diction needs a lot of improvement: it's cliche and hackneyed. The syntax needs variation. In short, this sounds like a sixth grader wrote it.

Answer 2

(here is my rewrite of this poem) (and i like it)

I took your heart

made it feel special

now i find out

your heart ignored mine

and created an illusion

for me to enjoy

i saw you lip locking

with some other girl

thought you could have two

well I say, F U

you nailed me

and it pierced my soul

but now I know

Your just another a$$ hole

trying to play your games

think you own us

just like to think your cool

but why should you get by

you hurt me

and expected me not to cry

i wish to run from you

so you can never tell me another lie

so don't call back

don't apologize

just take your things

and get from in front of my eyes

its over and I'm over you

Answer 3

i think its great

it needs a meaningful title tho

Answer 4

Your poem has the same theme that love forsaken poets write with. I agree with the top answer, it is completely generic. The problem with your poem is that you didn't enlighten anyone. I read poems like this all the time. Basic rhymes about lost love. To really be a greater writer, you have to use metaphor's, similes, and the like. People love it when you use those.

You also have to add abstraction.

Example your first line is not dull, but not very original.

Instead of what you wrote, you should be writing something like this,

The thoughts that made me love you were all just make-believe.

The lies you told, made me trust you, to a point where the real truth could not be seen.

In this I used better adjectives, which just means better descriptions, and used the lies as an invisible veil metaphor.

My advice to you is that you keep writing. You have the potential I once had, now you have to craft into talent.

This poem is good, but not an "let's all read it poem!"

  

Answer 5

It's pretty generic.