Is this a good poem? My friend just wrote it and I have to tell her if it is good or not! Please HElp!?

Question

My friend just wrote this wanting my opinion.

What do you think of it?

My Black Hole

The joy I felt was great

From a black hole of despair to a bundle of joy

You never failed to please me

You made me so overwelmed with joy that I would get goosebumps

I never feel this anymore

I become jealous with the thought of someone getting you

I want to be yours but I know I never will be

That fact takes me right back to my black hole where I began

I'll never get out because I'll never get to see you in the same way

I don't want to replace like a child would a dead pet

I want to be yours, and I simply can't be, which breaks my heart in every single way.

I have to live off memories and an occasional hello which now means nothing

Nothing will never help me

So I will be stuck forever- In my black hole.

This is not about my friends boyfriend by the way. She had a bad childhood, not a good dad. She found kind of a father figure in someone, that's who it is about.

16 minutes ago - 3 days left to answer.

Answer 1

It isn't bad but with free verse the lines should be freed up a little more and not express to much, per line as that usually defuses the impact of the thought.

Some lines are more poetic than others:

This is poetic: I don't want to replace like a child would a dead pet

This isn't so poetic: I become jealous with the thought of someone getting you

Answer 2

it's more like a letter than a poem..

the idea is cool, but she has to learn to utter it in better way, more in a poetic language

here's a good site for her

http://www.wikihow.com/Write-a-Poem

Answer 3

yeah its great.

Answer 4

I agree that it is more of a letter...she has a good idea and has the potential...she just needs to put it in a more poetic form. i really like it though; it's kinda mysterious and truthful.