Is this a good reason NOT to be engaged?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years, and we have a one year old daughter together. I really want to marry him, and he says he wants to marry me, too, but we're still not even engaged. We both still live at home and he said that he wants to wait until we get our own place to be engaged, because he doesn't want to live with his mother and plan a wedding.

I thought it was kind of silly, because if we buy our own place before the wedding, we won't have any money FOR a wedding! But he insists it would be better for us... am I wrong or is he?

Also, I'm not saying we get engaged and marry right away; maybe a year engagement or something. But he still wants to wait until we live together (which we plan on doing before May of next year).

What do you guys think?

Answer 1

It sounds like an excuse to me. If you really wanted to marry someone, living at home while you plan the wedding would not stop you. I think you need to talk with him and make a plan for your future - how will you save enough to buy a house, when will you start looking, when do you hope to move, when do you want to get married, etc. You don't have to narrow it down to a particular day, but you do need to see if you guys are on the same page in terms of what you want for the future.

Answer 2

I would suggest the two of you get some family/couples counseling before making such a big decision. Best to work things our before the marriage then to argue it out during a divorce.

Answer 3

I have been engaged for a year and have lived with him for over a year. I think you learned more about a person when you live with them. When you dont live with them first you dont know some annoying habits they may have or who they truely are. Also a child shouldnt be the only reason to get married.  When and if you do get engaged have a long engagement to make sure he's the "one".

Good luck!

Answer 4

It's about priorities, do you want to be able to struggle to afford a wedding and live with parents longer while you pay it off or try living on your own together before you commit to a lifetime of debt from a wedding? I think that is what he thinks of it. You learn a lot about a person when you live with them especially when you have a kid. I think he is just trying to think about finances and being able to make it on your own before you put money into a wedding...which isn't doable for every ones budgets.

Answer 5

I think his right, its really good to get married when you have your own home...

Answer 6

Either way, you're going to need money.

You're going to need money to get a ring.

You're going to need money for your own place.

And you're going to need money for a wedding.

You two live apart and you have a one year old?

Bide your time.  I think I would get a place together, first.  Maybe an apartment.

Then start saving for a wedding.