Is this a good sentence?

Question

The streets rumbled as old cable cars, crowded buses, and yellow taxis honking their horns away swarmed the city streets while thousands of people all different in their own ways stomped their way across the gum filled sidewalks listening to the beat of the street drummers.

The object is to write a very descriptive sentence of your ideal environment - in this case, obviously a city.

If you can think of anything better please share it!

Answer 1

Just a thought...

The streets rumbled underfoot as old cable cars and crowded buses swarmed the city streets alongside the blaring horns [that's a klaxon, right?] of the yellow taxis.  Thousands of people swamped the sidewalk; moving to beats of their own and grooving to beats of the drummers dotting the street corners.

Answer 2

The streets rumbled with the noisy horns of old cable cars, crowded buses, and yellow taxis that swarmed the city streets, while thousands of people, all different in their own ways, stomped across the gum-filled sidewalks, listening to the beat of the street drummers.

I think that's correct not real sure. Gum-filled would be hyphenated, I believe. See if anyone else puts input on that. The sentence you have seems to be a run-on. I tried to rearrange some tenses and add commas to separate your clauses from each other. You definitely want a compound sentence but not a run on sentence. And my comma before while might not be correct. You may want a semicolon or something to separate the two.  

Originally, your sentence structure was flawed, the best way to check a sentence is to read it aloud as if you did not know what you were going say, and if its hard to say, or if you stumble over a word, then its likely your reader will also.

Answer 3

I think it is fairly well written! Good Luck!