Question:

Is this a good starting for a book?

by  |  earlier

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“Alyssa are you kidding me? Are you really going to shoplift this to get into that stupid little gang? You could go to jail for this! You know that, right?” my voice didn’t even level to the volume of a whisper. “I thought you were better then that.” My voice was icy cold. But Alyssa’s mind was already set; there was no stopping her now.

“Abby, you know better then anyone else how much I’ve wanted this opportunity, this might be my only chance” her voice was turning evil I didn’t know that her voice could go this unyielding. She has always been nice, and kind. “Abby don’t stand in my way. I never stopped you from reaching one of your goals, even when I didn’t like the idea.” Her eyes were on the ground during our whole conversation, “Abby, don’t make me hurt you to get you out of my way” her eyes left the floor for half a second, if that, and burned into mine. They fell back to the ground, back to the ground that held her compassion and real personality.

Hearing the determination in her voice, I decided it would be useless to waste my energy trying to stop her, but I would anyway. “Alyssa, please, just listen to me for a minute.” I began, trying to sound strong – but failing miserable making it sound more like that of a dying dogs. “You know as well as I do that if you shoplift this, then you are going to regret it, and eventually you are going to go to jail, and you are going to wish you hadn’t shoplifted this one time. You are also going to regret ever wanting to be one of those . . . of those . . . things!” my last choice of word made her made, and I realized that right after it was spoken.

“Just butt out, okay? I have my life and you have yours. Why don’t you go be a protective little angel to your beloved boyfriend that you stole from me?” her voice was cold and unyielding as she glared at me............

Okay, how about that one, I just wrote it, how does it sound? Good - Bad? To many mistakes? something... (open to negative coments... please give negitive <honestly negative> comments. Thanks!)

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3 ANSWERS


  1. I prefer &quot;It was a dark and stormy night...&quot;


  2. Try putting it in like paragraphs or something. Try not to put it in one big cluster of Text. Organize it a little more. And you have a few grammar errors but other than that, It alright story i guess.. :)

  3. Learn what tense is.

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