Is this a phase, a child psychology issue, sibling rivalry, a sign of orientation or something else altogether

Question

I took my daughter to get her ears pierced. When her brother noticed she had studs in he got really upset. I took him to his bedroom for a private chat. Thinking he was upset that she’d been hurt, I explained she had wanted them for ages, and now I thought she was old enough to make her own mind up. Getting them put in hurt, but she knew it would and still wanted to do it, but she’s fine, she loves them and they don’t hurt now.

It turns out he’s jealous of the whole ‘girlie thing’. Because she’s a girl, she has pretty shoes, lovely dresses & skirts, can tie her hair up, and now she also has pretty pink ear studs in and one day will be able to wear dangly earrings, makeup, perfume and nail varnish. Because he is a boy, he has to wear plain shoes & clothes, and can’t do any “pretty things”. Is this a phase, a child psychology issue, a strange kind of ‘sibling rivalry’, an early sign of orientation or something else altogether?

Answer 1

If he is young, it's probably just because he wants to do everything his sister does.

If he's older, don't worry. It's his personality and he's still your son. He probably isn't g*y (most of us really don't care about girls getting their ears pierced), but even if he is, it's okay.

Answer 2

it may be nothing, like a phase. but maybe not. If he wants to "dress up" let him. Go out and buy him a kids tux or a really nice kid suit.

explain to him that boys and men dress up too, just not the same way girls do.

you may also explain to him that if he wants to get his ears peirced he won't look half as good as without it. and that it's expected more of girls then of boys to dress up and look nice.

(boys are more or less expected to play in the mud and with dirt bikes then with dolls.)

sociaty is trying to brand our childrens mind to be what they think they should be, how they should look and talk. when to tell the truth sociaty should have no say in what our children do and how they act.

let him be him.

it may be nothing more than, he just want to look nice because he sees his sister look nice. (monkey see, monkey do)

Answer 3

more jealousy than anything.  my son is 8 his sisters are 16 and 10 and we have went through this and still go through it.  He thinks because they have all the earrings, makeup etc they get more from his dad and I than what he does because he is a boy and doesnt need it.  I started taking him shopping seperate from the girls and letting him pick out his own wardrobe so he can see guys can have nice things as well and it is helping some.

Answer 4

maybe you should try buying him clothes with a little more color , like with designs (boyish ones i would imagine) such as powerrangers (depends on his age) or of cartoons he enjoys . & give him more attention . who knows , maybe it is a smaller deal than what you think .

Answer 5

It could be any of those things.  Maybe a session with a child psychologist could help figure things out and curb the resentment he's feeling towards his sister before it becomes outright hate.  It would also help you communicate better with your son and him with you.  If you go, make sure to explain that you don't think anything is wrong with him but that you're going so that you can learn to understand him better.

From the information given, I'd guess he's jealous.  Sounds like he wants to dress up too.  Why not get him some nice dress slacks, button-up dress shirts (let him pick his colors), ties, dress shoes (and socks that go with them), and maybe even a nice sophisticated hat or two (not ball caps)?  If he's responsible, cuff links and tie tacks and a couple nice necklaces would be good as well.  You could even take him to a hair stylist to get his hair done.  The stylist can show him how to do it at home with gels and such.  His daddy can show him how to put the clothes on to look his best.  Then maybe he won't be feeling so left out.  He sounds like a boy who is just fashion sensitive.  Letting him have this stuff shouldn't be a problem.  It's nice you have a son who cares about his looks.  It could be worse.  You could have one who is wearing his pants around his crotch with his undies hanging out for all the world to see!

If money is an issue, find a local freecycle list and ask there.  People often will give away very nice clothes they have no use for anymore.  I can help you find one if you need it.  Just contact me through this forum if you want the help.

Answer 6

I don't know much about these things, but If I were in your shoes, I would assume this was an orientation issue.  Does he like to play with her dolls?  If you offered him the girl's clothes, would he wear them?  There are plenty of boys who feel that they are a girl trapped in a boy's body.  Also, you didn't tell how old your son is.  Congrats for getting your daughter's ears pierced.  I remember that was an exciting moment in my life.

Answer 7

My son has some of the same jealousy issues.  It nothing to worry about, just make sure you give him the same attention you give your daughter.  Have your husband be a strong role in his life.  It's completely normal though.

Answer 8

I really don't know what type of issue he has, but maybe you could give him an outlet for "pretty" things, like art, or put him in charge of a flower garden.  Those are some "pretty" things that are still considered acceptable for boys to do.

Answer 9

it sounds to me like he is trying to roll model after her he probably needs more guy time without out mom and sis just guys doing guy things, boys always have a bond with mom but he needs to see more macho things maybe sign him up for b ball or a sport where its all boys on the team so he can see how boys  are supposed to be  good luck and keep looking for answers so he does not have to be so confused because he will also be made fun of .

Answer 10

depends on how old he is.