Is this a reasonable thing to ask...?

Question

Is it reasonable to ask during or going into a relationship that if one of the members of the relationship begin to drift or fall out of love that they'd inform the other on it and if it can't be resolved they'd simply end the relationship at that, instead of taking routes such as cheating on one or the other or hurting the other behind their back? I just see it as their are so many men and women out their who feel they are trapped in a relationship and instead of talking or ending things they go behind one another's back and cheat on them, fall in love with another or just leave out of the blue. Is it good to kind of set boundaries, set a state of openness or a basic set of things they'd do (like try to talk it out) and wouldn't do (like cheat behind ones back) if that situation were to occur or is it just setting the relationship up for a downfall right at the beginning? I'd really like to hear what most of you think. Also none of this has happened to me so, this isn't really about me being cheated on or anything. I'd just simply like to know what many thought of this question.

Answer 1

In a relationship you should talk about all of your morals, values, and beliefs.  This includes whether or not you believe cheating is ever appropriate or right and at what point you would end a relationship.  You should also cover things like whether or not you are interested in marriage as a part of your life plan, whether or not divorce is ever acceptable or under which conditions, whether or not you see yourself with kids some day, your specific religious beliefs, how you handle money, where and how you picture yourself living in the future, and so on.  You both need to express your thoughts and ideas about these things so that you can have appropriate expectations and make good decisions about your relationship.

Answer 2

yes

Answer 3

As long as you both agree then it is not unreasonable.  

It seems like you have the communication skills to work with and keep your relationship in tact.  I think it is the lack of communication and understanding that kill most relationships anyway.  

Answer 4

You should be doing that anyway

Answer 5

definitely not, I already had that talk with my partner, and it is 3 years later.

Answer 6

I agree with you.  I've always said that in my relationships.  If it isn't working or I don't love that person anymore, I would just come out and say it.  I wouldn't go around behind their back and cheat.

Answer 7

It is very reasonable that you both follow rules set out like you have said, but the funny thing is love makes you go a little strange about certain things and can make you very unreasonable, especially if the relationship at some time was the best thing ever. In reality if you see it slipping away you grab on tight and don't want it to go!

Somethings seem worth fighting for!

Answer 8

I've always done that with any relationship I've been in. If I felt like it wasn't working out and the problem is not fixable, then why string each other along wasting time when we could both move on and find what makes us happy? I believe in putting forth all the honest effort you can muster for your relationship, because if you can make the commitment to a person, then you should be willing to put up the effort. But when all is said and done and there is nothing left there between you, then I don't feel that each person has to lie to themselves just to stay together and just to say you have someone. Be honest with yourself first and foremost about the relationship, then be honest with the person who you're in the relationship with so you both can go out and seek what will fulfill you. There is no reason to lie and deceive each other, that's only the cowards way out and solves nothing. If you can't solve the problem by fixing it, then you can solve it by ending it and moving on, not with deception.

And I promise that to you as well. I love you, babah!

Answer 9

yes it is

Answer 10

i agree with you i think people should try to talk things out

Answer 11

YEAH THAT WAY YOU WONT GET HURT IF IT KEEPS GOING LONGER...ITS BETTER TO GET IT DONE WITH... =]

Answer 12

My husband and I have been together for a total of 10 years, married for 6 and that was one of the first things we did.  We talked about cheating and disinterest and emotional detachment and all the silly c**p people go through when they don't want to be there anymore.  And we agreed, over a decade ago that if either one of us ever got to a place were we didn't want to be there we'd discuss it with the other and go our separate ways.  It's hard, it's A LOT easier said than done...but it provides a certain level of comfort knowing that there's an honesty there that I've never had in previous relationships.  

And this isn't just a bunch of talk either...after three years together, we actually had the talk and split up for about 4 months...we shortly realized it was a mistake and we got back together.  

I think it's a perfectly reasonable request...it has been a great source of security in our relationship.

**************************

Maybe I'm just to cynical...but all these people saying that it's "Implied" or that it's a "given in a monogamous relationship" .....I totally disagree.  

Lack of communication leaves room for misunderstanding and mischievous behavior disguised as ignorance.  

If you lay it on the table in no uncertain terms...no one can claim "They didn't know" later.

Being clear and open clears the path of technicalities later, and sets the tone for open communication in the relationship....it's a good thing.

Assume nothing.

Answer 13

i think it's great. If you have the ability to be that honest with someone, do it. It hurts less to know by word of mouth, than to be lead on, and be cheated on. Even if someone catches you, or you catch your loved one in bed with someone else, there is still that hope that things will be ok.. it's always good to tell the person whats up.. i'd think anyway.

Answer 14

I agree. My spouse and I are in full agreement, that if we can't get on for whatever the reason and we've given it our best go at it then call it quits before you cheat.

Cheating is such a loser move, it solves nothing but a quick sexual gratification and doesn't help your marriage in anyway.

My spouse and I had a tough time after we lost our son, then he lost his job and we got to a hatred level of blame and I think at a point both of us were looking elsewhere for answers but never went beyond it. In the end we realized we are who we want to be with and have since never looked back.

Answer 15

It is, but it's something that shouldn't be asked, it should be implied in any relationship..

Answer 16

I've asked my husband to just respect me enough to end it first, instead of lying and cheating. Respect the woman he chose to ask, and respect marriage itself enough to just end it first.

He has told me that I'm not asking for too much, and he would appreciate it if I would do that same.

You see, his parents marriage was destroyed by an affair, and I don't want to be anywhere near anything like what happened. It not only ruined the marriage relationship, but also the relationship between the parent that had it, and the children who has to suffer because of it. It would have been easier to state that Mom and Dad just didn't work out, that to state that one had an affair.

So, yes, it is a reasonable thing to ask!

Answer 17

Yes its very reasonable. And I agree

Answer 18

If you've been hurt before like that, I'm sure it is a pretty good thing to bring up...as long as the other person is mature enough to keep the pact.

Answer 19

I told my wife I would rather her tell me she no longer loves me and wants to leave me than to find out she cheated on me. I told her that when we first started dating. She agreed. The next night I cheated on her! Haw!

Answer 20

yeah

Answer 21

Rockledg i love your answer, if i could vote i'd give you a thumbs up dude! lol

Anyways, yes it is a reasonable answer. I'm kinda afraid of going through everything you just mentioned.

I just started this relationship with this guy, and i'm head over hills in love with him. But every now and then he cuts me down, or says rude remarks, but that's his personality. He's not intentionally trying to hurt me, but its making the sparks fade.

I don't want to end things with him, because i love being with him, but I don't want to lose interest in him either. I guess i'll be posting a question on here after i answer yours.

I guess, if my feelings for him did diminish, i would end it, point blank. I don't think its right to cheat only because your feeling for your lover have faded.

Revenge cheat is totally ok in my book, though.

Answer 22

Yehhh x Wish evry1 thought like that x

Answer 23

yes i think it is. I think every couple should talk about this. I brought it up with my boyfriend. but then it also makes you think what if they answer exactly what you want to hear and aren't telling the truth....

Answer 24

I think this is pretty much a given in any relationship that is monogamous.  

It also doesn't work for every one  as you can see by seeing all of these "cheated on" questions and answers.

I'm very happy to hear it is working for you and yours.  It's refreshing to hear positive here. :-)