Is this abuse? If so, can it be proved in court?

Question

I'm in a so called relationship with a guy that is helping me and my children get things like groceries, extra cash for bills, to and from school transportation every once in a while now i don't have much to give in return but i think he expects s*x. If i don't sleep with him he doesn't help anymore or gives excuses as to why he can't. Therefore me and my children suffer. We have no groceries right now, a vehicle but i can't get to the DMV to register it or use it, he won't take me either, he comes over to my house just to fight with me then leaves once i'm curled in a ball, crying and with nothing. He seems to help but only to the point of almost. I have sacrificed so much and i'm now stuck in a state with no friends, no transportation, two children to care for and only his help when i sleep with him. Is this a type of abuse and will the state help me get away from him including my kids. Will a non-expensive lawyer help me. PS one child is his. and he has a court order that doesn't allow me to relocate outside RI with his daughter.....i'm am being controlled and no one will rescue me. How do women deal with this type of abuse?

Answer 1

He has no obligation to help you, and no it is not abuse.

There are many places that will help you without making yourself a prostitute (sorry, just being honest).  

Shelters and food banks, etc. will help you in your situation.  Get away from that slimy p***k that is using you.

If you are afraid to leave, coordinate it so that you get a restraining order on the day you go.  There are people who can help, and it is a frightening step, but it sounds like a necessary step.  And if one of the children are his, you should also go to child support services, as they will set up a child support order.

michelob...sorry, but there are no laws that prohibit his disgusting behavior.

ADDED:  Do not seek an attorney for the child support.  Child support services has a formula that they follow, and he will be required to pay according to that.  Now, if the wants to fight for visitation or custody, you need to get an attorney for that, but find one that will go after him to pay based on your situation...they do exist.

Answer 2

your children might be taken away from him, but they will also be taken away from you too.

seriously, from here it looks like you are a prostitute.

i know you don't intend that to be the case.

if you want help, then call 411 and ask to talk to the nearest women's shelter. if you are in RI, then it can't be too far, and they may come to get you. If not, the police may give you a ride there with the kids if you can impress on them the seriousness of your situation.

then you can begin to straighten your life out....

Answer 3

1) Yes it is abuse.

2) I don't think you can press charges on him because it will appear in court the s*x is consensual.

3) if a child is his he should be paying support.  If he isn't the court can help with this.  Even an inexpensive lawyer.

I hope things will turn around for you.  

Answer 4

Guys will be the "Sugar Daddy" to girls that will put out. It sounds like you met the wrong type of guy......change the locks and move. Find a real man. It is realy not that hard if you are seriouse about it and start looking in the right places.....clubs are not it.

Answer 5

from my point of view you are not being abused.  you are engaging in a life and relationship that doesn't meet your needs.  you are trading s*x for financial support.  not a happy situation.  you need a solution.  start making calls about getting food stamps, going to school, getting child care to go to school, getting financial aid and getting yourself on your feet.  you have to get away from him yourself by not accepting his help anymore.  you are suffering because you can't support yourself and your children.  get into a position where you can support all 3 of you.  don't depend on him.  a lawyer can't help you stop your financial dependence.  maybe you could get child support or something.  maybe.  but you need a plan for getting your life on track.  think about going back to your parents until you can get on your feet.  

i know this is a tough situation.  it's hard.  but your kids only have you to get them out of this situation.  get busy.

Answer 6

I sympathize with your plight.

However, you are not being abused in any legal sense.

If RI has programs that aid women with dependent children, get on them.

Welfare would seem to be open to you if you are unemployed.

Tell this man to leave and never come back.

He is under no obligation to give you anything but child support. Take that and boot him.

There may be a local shelter and/or charitable organization that can help.

]Make some phone calls and get on your feet.

You have children to take care of, and your self. Only you can do it.

Answer 7

Yes, it's mental abuse.  And you seem to prove it well.  

Call your local women's shelter, and they'll be able to guide you through the process.