Is this acceptable? What can I do about it?

Question

I am 13, and my fathers girlfriend screams and shouts at me and my sisters. she said my mother didnt want us, which isnt true, she just could not take living with my dad anymore, and she insults us constantly, when we have never even been hostile to her.

she said we are 'feral little b**ches' and on numerous occasions has made up things to tell my father, like we said snide remarks to her behind his back, and that we have told her things (that my dad tells us to keep secret from her) but she actually found them rummaging through his room!

my dad makes excuses for her constantly, he says that she doesnt say sorry because she 'wasnt raised like us', and he said that I know the awful things she says to and about me are not true, so it doesnt matter and isnt hurtful.

she has come into my room screaming at me because I slammed the car door too hard by accident before, while I sat on my bed crying too scared to say anything back because I knew if I did my dad would be angry at me. he was standing there watching her and did not stop her.

he thinks coz she doesnt hit us its okay, and he brings her into our house constantly, and when I try to explain to him that it makes me depressed and I am not comfortable in my own house he just gets angry and yells that I dont try.

sometimes it makes me feel so hopeless that I get suicidal, I am so frustrated, whatever I say is wrong to him and makes him yell, and he has every excuse in the book he uses for her.

is it okay for him to do what hes doing? I know it could be worse, but I am already at my breaking point, and I already have a medical stress / anxiety problem which is getting worse because of it.

I am sorr ythis is so long, any answers are appreciated

Answer 1

Honestly, no any form of emotional abuse towards any person is never acceptable. And this is what she is doing to you, emotionally abusing you. My mothers first boyfriend physically abused me and then her next emotionally abused me. Honestly, I would rather take the physical than the emotional. The physical..I just always thought he was crazy, but the emotional made me feel like I was the one who was in the wrong. How does your mom feel about all this? Have you tried talking to her. His girlfriend is probably just jealous because your father loves you more than he loves her, and that you're not her children. I know it sounds cliche, but it's honestly the truth. If you really want to catch some ones attention then try talking to your school counselor, and tell them the thought's you've been having. Suggest to them even that you want to have a meeting with all 3 of you present and then tell all, even if you have told it to your father before. He's less likely to make excuses with the counselor present, and also if he's bombarded with it all at once then he might realize what type of person she really is. Say something like I know you love her dad, and I love you and I would do anything to make you happy, but I'm sick of how depressed I have been feeling. I don't think it's necessary, and I shouldn't have to deal with it. I'm really sorry this is happening to you, but whatever you do, don't ignore it, and know that she's a jealous woman, and you're doing nothing wrong.

Answer 2

no, its not ok AT ALL he should be ther for use rather than her can u contact ur mother? u shud talk to someone as well  

Answer 3

An answer to your important question.

Please call with any problem, anytime:

Girls and Boys Town "National Hotline"

Phone: [phone]  (toll free)

Email: [e-mail]

Answer 4

this is completely inapropriated.I suggest talking to your school guidance counsler and asking him for a therapist reccomendation when your father finds out he will realize that  he could be charged with child indangerment and a co-consipier in child abuse.It is getting to a point when you might take your own life you need to talk to someone.If you are not in school yet talk to a family memeber who you trust and write down what she says to you try and record it with a camera/phone

it could be used in court against her if it gets to that point of your father not doing anything.I Hope the best for you.

Answer 5

You need to print this out and bring it to a counselor at school and/or your mom.

What is happening to you is wrong. Your dad's girlfriend is abusive and is hurting you. You and you sisters don't need this, and your dad is being irresponsible for letting it happen to you.

Please see a school counselor, or next time you go to the doctor, tell your doctor..

Good luck hun, just dont fight back, and know that your dad's girlfriend is wrong and one day you will be a parent and you will make sure your kids are treated better.

Dont do anything to yourself. This problem will go away you will not have it forever, you will become stronger because of this. Look at it as a learning experience and know that one day, even though it seems far away, it will be over. You will be happy, trust me.

Answer 6

look it sounds like your dad is being really selfish and choosing his love life over the kids. I'm sorry but some parent's just aren't very good at being good parents. is there anyone else you could live with? i think your dad's in denial and talking to him would be pointless. I know this isn't the best advice, but if I were in your shoes, I'd get me and my sisters to make her life a living h**l.

Answer 7

You need to buy a cassette tape recorder...I say that because they are easy to hide and will record for ever if needed. Next time she starts these "fights" just record her. Get enough and either give it to your dad. Or next time say your grandma is over or some one like that ( family wise) play it for them. And also pay it for her. Let them see what she is doing.

There is no reason for her to talk to you like and for your father not stick up for you and your sister. Some thing has got to change because to tell ya the truth its only gonna get worse. Don't yell back or start problems. Let that bi*ch dig her own hole!

Answer 8

WOW, you should NOT have to try and put up with this at just 13.  What your father's girlfriend is doing is totally unacceptable and your father is just as bad by letting it go on.  

Is there another family member you could talk to and possibly go and stay with?  At least for a while until your father realises that you cannot cope with this woman's behaviour anymore. .. ?

If you cannot talk to another member of your family, perhaps you would be comfortable talking to a teacher?  

Either way, you cannot live with this.  From what you've said, it doesn't sound like this abuse is going to stop any time soon.

Good luck, stay strong x*x

Answer 9

absolutely not!! sweetie thats abuse and harassment! if your own dad is being ignorant about this situation, then talk to your school counselor, they should help you. dont worry, they wont put your dad in jail or anything, theyll just put a stop to it. be a smart girl and dont let this go on!

Answer 10

My mom is almost the same she says my dad doesnt want me and lies to me all the time. i am 13 to but i ignore it and im trying to set something up with my dad where he can get a court order and get me back, you should talk to your mom about trying to go live with her, a judge will let you if you really want to.

Answer 11

It is NEVER okay for anyone that is not your legal guardian to scold you or scream at you like that.Never.

She sounds pretty crazy to me.

The fact that your father doesn't kick her out of his life after what she does to you two, can perhaps mean he's keeping something from you or maybe he just really loves her.

Maybe it would help if you talked to a counselor or someone you know could give you some good advice.

Answer 12

no its not tell him what u feel inside and thatu cant handle him marrying his gf and he has to choose between u ur sis and his gf and im sure it will prolly be u  

Answer 13

Hi, what i advise you to do is call "childline" and tell the person on the phone that you are not being treat like a person, tell them what you have just said on here.

If you are afraid you're dad will find out they will only speak to your dad if they have you're permission as you can keep it confidential, if you do keep it private they will give you advise on what to do and how to deal with it etc.

Childline- 0800 1111

http://www.childline.org.uk/Pages/defaul...

Cheers, hope this helps...

Answer 14

Have you spoken to a counselor? You must realise that you cannot change your parents, just how you respond to them..

Answer 15

Aaawww, that's a terrible thing for her to be doing, it is also illegal.  It is called verbal abuse.  You need to tell a close teacher at school, tell your real mom or someone else that can help you.  You need removed from this situation now.  Don't keep this to yourself, tell an adult that can help you.  

Answer 16

I don't think it's right. As a parent, I couldn't imagine dating someone who didn't love and accept my child as much as they did me. And I don't take kindly to anyone raising their voice at my son, regardless of who it is.

But unfortunately, you can't choose who you're dad is with. Obviously he's happy with her or else he wouldn't be with her. Try to remember that it's not forever. Even if your dad never leaves this woman, you'll one day be old enough to be out on your own.

For now, I would just try to keep to myself as much as possible. See if you would be allowed to go to a friends house when she comes over, or just stay in your room and study or do homework.

If she or your dad yell at you, just simply say "I'm sorry" and nothing else, even if it's something that's not your fault. Don't let them see how much it hurts you. Perhaps that's why she is doing it. (some people are twisted that way). Just be nice and polite at all times to them, and keep a journal somewhere. Write down the things she does to you, and how that makes you feel. And maybe one day you can actually show it to your dad. Sometimes reading things helps them to click better than hearing them. Because it's possible to not "listen" to what we're hearing. Does that make sense?

Good luck - and I really do hope things get better for you

Answer 17

No, tell him that you feel like he is choosing her over you and your siblings, and that she is out of control and verbally abuses you., and it stressed you out so much that you feel sick.

Answer 18

tiem to set some groud rules and u have to very grown up about

sit your dad down and explain this behaviour is completly unacceptible, its making you and your sisters feel like you living on eggsheels around her. tell him that she may have problems but that doesnt give her a right to take it out on you guys

could u go stay with another family member if it gets too bad?

Answer 19

Thats emotional and verbal abuse. Call a child protection agency, and talk to a counselor or camp out at a friend or relatives for a while.

Answer 20

what a *****

Answer 21

That's awful.  First if I was you I would talk to my school councilor and see what they can do about it.  It sound to me like you live in a hostel environment.  If you don't get any help there, I would then contact children and youth from the county you live in.  You should be exposed to such abuse.

Answer 22

I think he first answer is spot on. If she's harming you and making a medical condition you have worse, then cause harm right back to her. shoot the b*tch.

Answer 23

first of all im soo sorry you have to go through things like that

you and your sisters should talk to you dad...excluding his gf!

and tell him that he needs to set her straight! if not then you guys will have to solve the problem your own way!

if your dad doesnt try then try to talk to his gf! if she still doesnt understand then talk back to her! if she cant be mature and treat you guys the ways you should be treated then she doesnt deserve the respect you guys give her. respect for respect.

hope this helps! : )

Answer 24

call your mother or some family member this is crazy and while she never hit you its still verbal abuse you need to get out and take your sisters with you

Answer 25

Dint do anything crazy and shoot her, my best advice is to not talk back or do anything s****. to get her more angry from your behavior, but you could always try the silent treatment, do what she says and stuff just never respond, i think if she cant give another being the right of fair treatment she doesn't deserve your company

Answer 26

This isn't appropriate behavior.I would talk to your school counselor about this,and see the advice that she/he gives you.If it's possible,I would move out and live with my mother if this was happening to me.

I hope everything works out for you,and this helped.And please don't become suicidal,just have confidence and everything should fall in place.  

Answer 27

arg parents are so dumb sometimes.

id tell my dad i cant stand her,

and id go live with my mom.

:) good luck,

and hope your problem is gunna be solved.

x*x