Is this acceptable behaviour from a stepdad?

Question

Complicated situation - my 16 yr old son taking GCSE exam, my partner objects to me giving him a lift to school to be sure he arrives in time ( 10 min walk away but my peace of mind involved) Son can be very difficult, has had emotional and behavioural problems ( his real father died when he was six, I have been unwell in the past) . My partner loses his rag, I point out that I have made the decision to do this, and that son needs calm before an important exam. He responds by saying that two weeks ago I was on the phone to him saying I thought my son was mental ( he was staying with his mothers to help her out at the time, I was concerned about my sons poor sleep patterns, and confided that I was worried when I woke at 1.30 am to find him cleaning his shoes) This was said in front of my son.

I felt very hurt that he would misrepresent me in this way and feel able to do so in front of my son, who was half hour before an exam.

Any thoughts?

Answer 1

A step parent can no tell a step child what to do or punish them in any way. It seemd to me your partner is the one with major issues. And maybe your sons issues are caused by the stepdad. He is mean and wrong to make you out to be some monster. Are you married? If not it may time to brake up.

http://drphil.com/articles/article/243/

Answer 2

my stepdad can be like that.i know hes your partner.

but i would tell him that hes your son and your just trying to do the best for him,so he does his best at school.

Answer 3

I'd say that your partner does not think before opening his mouth and that if he has to argue about things so simple of your son like that then he MAY have a jealousy problem......or just a problem with your son. Let me tell you, a mother never chooses a man over their children so if this is how you feel as well let him know and tell him that if he can not respect your son you will not hesitate to leave him. You have to be with some one who loves your children or child as much as they love you.....if not, then bye bye hunny. No man is ever worth putting before your own child.

Answer 4

tell your son to go to sleep depending on how much sleep he needs, tell him to get enough sleep so he will feel better. maybe he doesnt need alot. i will talk to your son, my yahoo messenger is [e-mail] he can add me. he's prolly sad about something, prolly his dad dieing. but he needs something good to replace it, like a good girl friend. a real one, and he sounds like idk how old 17-18? tell him he needs enough sleep to be focused and he needs something to take his mind of sad things. he needs to have good friends, like a few nice ones. and he needs to be w/ his friends everyday. prolly start off w/ one girl for him. maybe u could try to set something up sercretly like jsut ask a girl u see to talk to him. or just tell him he can bring girls home. he needs someone just to talk to it can be a boy to doesnt matter. just someone to do activities w/ like dancing exersizing going to the gym w/... buy him a gym membership or something if he doesnt have one. i prey he will feel better. he will prolly feel better if he could sleep w/ a girl. its ok for them to sleep together. he prolly just lonley. tell him to go off during the day, and he needs to study w/ his friends for school. gota make it fun. i prey its will be ok. he needs good friends to do stuff w/ all day and tell him to go outside so there plenty of room to ecersize to keep blood flowing and mind working.

Answer 5

Yes.   I think you're all nuts.

Answer 6

Unfortunately you are not doing your son any favors by not making him do things for himself. A lot of people are under the impression that when a child loses a parent that they need to be coddled and protected. Yes, it is horrible that they lost a parent, but they still need to learn how to deal in the real world and they are not going to be able to do that unless they are made to take care of things on their own. My husband made this mistake with his two kids. They were 5 & 6 when their mom passed away and he would not make them do chores and allowed them to lie. They had VERY little discipline and now they are 21 (Almost 22) and 23 and neither can hold a job, and act VERY childish.

Yes, he was wrong to say those things in front of your son, but you do need to make some changes.

Answer 7

Your partner's behavior was really out of order. Especially in the circumstances. Maybe he feels frustrated about the situation and may be he has problems of his own he needs to discuss.

It sounds like your son has some problems too. Maybe a calm discussion between the three of you is called for. Hope things work out.

Answer 8

He is 16, he has enough to worry about with the exam, whats so wrong with dropping him off? It's not more then an hour away is it? If it's less then an hour go for it.

Answer 9

Yeah thats reallly low.  I recently had some bad new an hour before my half yearly exams.  They were pretty major exams and if ive flunked them im screwed.

Answer 10

wow thats really crappy of him

Answer 11

No, that's not acceptable behavior.  That's completely irrational.  He was making a big deal out of a little thing.  So you wanted to drive him over to his exam (not a big deal at all), and he brought up an incident two weeks ago that doesn't sound like him being mental, that's just your son being a 16 year old, and that shouldn't be such a big deal either.

And to do that all in front of your son right before an exam was just rude.  But my father was the same way, so I don't really have much of a grasp on what should be acceptable.  But I do know from experience how much stress and fighting can affect a kid more than any parent can see.

Answer 12

as being a mum of ur boy at adolesence age, u got to spend more time with your son especially in this special period of the important pre-exam.  A lot of parents don't know how to talk with teens including my parents.  They always play hard on their kids and rarely caring about what or how they feel toward their parents.  It is normal to see any teen easily to be emotional at this age that the boosting hormons also contribute to this impulse.  Guess you were like him when you were at his age, so as me.  It is not bad to spend a little time to give him a life as a mum and have a little chat with him, how is his well-bing in the other family.  I felt so sympathy for your son loosing dad at such young age.  And the step-dad seems lack of parenting love toward him.  You also need share some part of love to your son.. Afterall, he got half of your blood in his flesh.  To have a child, not only to teach him to be strong without giving any love or carings... So try to persuade your husband to give some love to your son.  One day when he grew up, he will appriciate very much for all the deeds you done to him if you really did.  Or you will be lonely without any contact from your kids once you aged.  What are the meanings of family?  The love and the bond stick together forever.  You wouldn't sure your second husband will stick with you forever, but kids they are linking closely with mum by hearts.  So share your love and patients with your teen son, even you felt hurt.  That is very normal for family and I bet he didn't really meant it.  Forgive him for being such little.

Answer 13

you all need a counselor...it sounds as if there are a lot of issues in your household. SO WHAT you want to take your son to school!  your man was at his mommys house taking care of her...you need to be a MOM first...if your husband cannot cope with that, send him packin'.  who needs a man that cannot accept other people in his woman's life...other than him!

Answer 14

What???

The way you worded your question REALLY is confusing.

Answer 15

He's jealous of your son.....what a low blow on his part.  He sounds immature and childish.

Answer 16

16 is an extremely tough age, especially coupled with the loss of a parent, so I'm going to go ahead and say your son should be treated with a little more sensitivity than that. Mentioning all that in front of your son and saying "he was mental" is insensitive and uncalled for. I don't understand why your partner would be so adamant about you giving him a ride to his exam, it seems like no big deal. maybe you need to explain more to him about your son's issues so he can understand, and if he can't then I would honestly suggest family counseling.

Answer 17

I think you need family counseling, or at least you alone, to see how to handle this complex situation.  It's hard to tell if you're boyfriend is meddling, or if you're smothering.  You need an impartial pro to help sort that out.

Answer 18

I think you already know the answers to your own questions. You should support your son at this stressful time. Sounds like he has a tough time and not being able to rely on his mum would not help much. Which points to the fact your partner was helping out his mother... did you give him a hard time about that? It sounds as though he is selfish and I hate to suggest that maybe he is the cause of some of your son's odd behaviour - therefore doesn't have a right to comment on your support of him. Good luck.

Answer 19

To begin with your "partner" has no business being involved with the raising of your son.  He is not your son's father nor is he related to your son.  You should not bring him into it and he should butt out.  If you choose to drive your son to take his test then that's the way it should be, YOU are your son's parent not your partner...start acting like it.

Answer 20

you guys need to talk in private about how you're going to raise him..arguing in front of him is just going to make matters worse..

does you taking your son to school on test days interfere with your husbands schedule? if not, then i dont see a problem with you doing what you want..

try thinking about compromising on whatever problems you guys have...and don't use accusatory language..tell him how you feel and allow him to speak his mind too..if one of you blows up..agree to speak about it later when both parties are calm again..

Answer 21

Ditch this monkey. Sounds like he doesnt know ANYTHING about being a Dad.