Is this adopting or close enough to call it that?

Question

A little boy living with me for the last 5 months is going to court to have a new legal guardian. Me. He calls me mom and his entire biological family has signed of on his rights. If I donot take him he will go into foster care as if he has no family. His bio mother is dead. His last name will be changed to mine and his birth certificate will be reissued with my last name on it. The only thing will be that his bio mom and dads names will still be on his birth certificate. Noone can take him away from me unless there is an abuse case opened. I will have all of the rights of his bio parents and he will live with me forever. He is not able to be completely adopted because of some red tap issues but besides his birth certificate noone will know. I told someone we were adopting him and they told me I should not call it that that I should say he is my foster child because I am not really adopting him. He is becoming my child and getting my last name can I just call it adoption?

Answer 1

You will be the legal guardian of this child, and have hte same responsibilities as a parent.  However, he will not be YOUR child legally.  When you sign paperwork regarding your role in his life, you will check "legal guardian", not "parent".  

That does not mean that you can not act as a mother-indeed, you should.

To anyone that does not already know the situation, they need not know that he is or is not your biological child.  Love him like a son and it will not matter.

I wish you-and him-the best.

Answer 2

You can call it adoption, or you can say you're his legal guardian.  To me, "adoption" gives people that you know casually  a better understanding of your situation without having to go into all that explanation that you put here.  

I'm sure you've already thought of this, but do make sure that your life insurance and your will are changed to specifically mention him.  I work in a law firm, and we've handled a lot of cases of 'blood' relatives fighting to keep money from going to adoptees.  Since you're saying your child wouldn't legally be an adoptee, this is even more important.

Answer 3

Is there really need for a lable? He is your son, and the only chage is that it will now be legal.

Thank you for being there for that little boy, he is your son, your his mother, and thats all that should matter.

Answer 4

If you are going to court and they are changing his last name, that is adoption.  With Legal Guardianship you can not change the name.  Are you sure you are not adopting and maybe just confused.  I would really talk to the lawyer/case worker because if a name change goes into effect and they are heir to your fortune then that is adoption.  If not, then go for adoption.

Answer 5

He's your son & that's all that matters...kudos to you for taking him in and giving him a safe, loving environment.

Answer 6

Before laws, Adoption was of the heart.

Definition of adoption- voluntary acceptance of a child of other parents to be the same as one's own child.

Just call him your son, the rest is no one elses business.

Answer 7

Hi Erin,

From what you have described, it sounds like you have a guardianship situation, not a legal adoption.  Was he originally a foster child?  As you know, the goal of foster care is to reunite the child with his natural family whenever possible.  If a legal adoption has not occurred, then unknown relatives could still come forward and petition to adopt this child.

You do not mention what the "red tape" is so I'm not clear on why you need to change his name or why a new birth certificate must be issued.  For the child's best interests, you should not change his birth certificate to say you gave birth to him.  His natural parents names should be on there because no matter who has custody of him, that will never change the facts of his birth.  Birth certificates are historical documents that record an event, not deeds of ownership.  

I recommend always being honest about your relationship with him.  I wouldn't worry about those people who are jealous of you.  By the way, it is no disgrace to not be his legal mother.  I mention this because you say "noone will know" as if it should be kept a secret.  Adoptees have not been served well by all the lies & secrecy in the past.  It works best for the child when there is complete honesty.

To answer your question, no, you should not tell people you adopted him because you did not.  That should not effect the way the two of you feel about each other or what he calls you.  I don't doubt the depth of the love you feel for him.  You can still love & take care of him no matter what his name is.  The important thing is that he is being taken care of, not if he has your name.  His name is part of his identity & I would encourage you to leave it as it is unless you officially adopt him.  Even then I would think long & hard before changing it.  Thanks for asking.

julie j

reunited adoptee

Answer 8

You have been raising him, you are the one he calls mom. You ARE his mother - period!!! Someone carried him and gave birth but you are his true and only mom. Congrats... blessings!!!

Answer 9

let's see, you're taking this child into your home, raising it as your own, you're (i'm assuming) taking responsibility for the cost of his care (food, doc bills, clothing, etc), and he's going to have your last name?  i'd call this adoption, even if it's just legal guardianship.  while my stepdad couldn't legally adopt my siblings and i (our bio father wouldn't allow it, and that fine), he still adopted us in his heart and is our other dad.  

if you plan on loving this child as your own, and keeping him through thick and thin (because children tend to act out at times, especially as teens, to test boundaries), then you have adopted this child.  don't let anyone not involved in the case tell you otherwise!

Answer 10

this sounds strange to me. First, it takes a court and judge to have parental rights terminated and they won't do that till an adoptive family is in the picture. Once parental rights are terminated the child is automatically entered into a national adoption registry to be available to be adopted. It sounds more like you might be getting custody as guardianship usually results in you having custody for a year to show history with the child. The childs name remains the same as only parents can change the name. Even in a guardianship the name doesn't change. But guardianship does give you full parental authority on everything else. This is not called an adoption but legal guardianship.

Answer 11

that is perfectly fine to say it is adoption that is what it is and he is your son good for you being there for him!