Is this all correct to be written.......?

Question

Is this written all correct? I want to send it to my university that I have been admitted to, I would be very thankful if you could help me to write it any better.

Dear Sir/Madam,

As I have not yet received the embassy results of student visa, and the week of begining the classes is approaching, I would be very thankful if you could tell me as to when I can apply for the defferal of my admission to my program (i.e: Master of Engineering), and what its procedure is.

Also as am still waiting for my visa results, I wanted to ask if I can deffer my admission for the next possible semester, and then if I get my student visa in the coming days, attend in this program in the current semester.

Thank you very much in advance.

Sincerely,

Answer 1

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN,

As I have not yet received the embassy results of student visa, and the week of begining the classes is approaching, I would be very thankful if you could tell me as to when I can apply for the defferal of my EXCEPTION to my program (i.e: Master of Engineering), and what its procedure is.

Also,(, after also) as am still waiting for my visa results, I WOULD LIKE to ask if I can deffer my admission for the next possible semester, and then if I get my student visa in the coming days, attend in this program in the current semester.

Thank you very much in advance.

Sincerely,

PUT YOUR NAME HERE

Answer 2

Dear Sir/Madam,

As I have not yet received the embassy results FOR MY student visa, and the FIRST WEEK OF CLASSES IS is approaching, I would VERY MUCH APRECIATE IT IF YOU COULD TELL ME WHEN I can apply for the deferal of my admission to THE program I APPLIED TO (MasterS IN Engineering), and HOW TO PROCEED.

MOREOVER, as I am still waiting for my visa results, I wanted to EINQUIRE WHETHER I IT WOULD BE POSSIBLE TO defer my admission UNTIL the next possible semester, UNLESS I GET my student visa in the coming days, IN WHICH CASE I WILL BE FREE TO attend THE COURSES THIS semester.

THANK YOU IN ADVANCE, AND/OR LOOKING FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU

.....

I hope that helped, but you kind of repeated your request in the second paragraph. You may want to fix that...

Answer 3

just one thing: ECXEPTION, or ACCEPTANCE?