Is this alright?

Question

when we were together

you said forever

but how could you be so shallow?

when we were together

i loved you so

you were all i could think about at night

you were the only thing in my sight

we joked

we laughed

now my shirt is soaked,

with my tears

my only fear,

has arrived

i am now deprived

life has no meaning

without my only love

when we were together

it was like the heavens were singing

my path was bright and warm

without you in my life

my path is a swarm,

of gloom and depression

do you see my expression?

you were my shining star

then your face slipped away

now my love is very far

even though you left me all alone

all the proof has now shown

you are my being

you are the power of me seeing

you promised me forever

and to me

forever it will be

Answer 1

Once again, dont listen to them ,its a beautiful expression of you, so much detail, I love it. Theres somany things it could represent, thats why i think I like it so much, dont change anything and dont listen to any of them. Its a wonderful poem,

add me if you ever need anyone to talk to.

-Demi :D

Answer 2

I agree with TD here. The lanuage is beatiful but good poetry can't be about vauge topics like love. You can however write the poem about more specific idea about love, like the first time you looked someone in the eye or something like that

Answer 3

Well, Crazed One, this one is not getting the audience's attention, is it? You could sum up this emotion in one stanza, using the words you have here. You've got raw talent. This is easy to follow. It is just "samo-samo" as a love story. Everybody has written this poem. TD