Is this any good?????????????????????

Question

This is a song i wrote...

Back in my life--madison usey

They say dreams come true,

and wishes fade away

well baby my dream is that

things between us never changed

and how would it make you feel

if everything you had is gone

the only thing that made you smile

has forgot about you and moved on.

but when we were together

i felt like i could do anything

when we were together

everything felt right

when we were together

i could be myself

and baby i want you

back in my life.

seeing you around gets harder everyday

knowing your with someone else

fills me with dismay

yet there will always be a place

for you in my heart

thinking of the times we had

i loved you from the start

(chorus...[when we were together.]..)

i sit here not knowing what to do

because all i think about is you..

when we were together,

i felt like i could do anything

when we were together,

you held me tight

(continue chorus)

and baby i want you.. back in my life.

im only fifteen--- keep that in mind.

and yes, i put it in music.

Answer 1

i like it. there is a certain longing & poignancy. some good lines too.

just one comment - grammatical - since your entire poem is in the past tense, the 3rd & 4th lines of the 1st stanza seem a bit incongruent.

it probably should be

"well baby my dream WAS that

things between us never changed"

and forgot could be 'forgotten' unless your using poetic licence which is fine then.

all the best & stay happy

Answer 2

Anybody putting up writing for a critique cannot hide behind an age.

It's pretty obvious from the song that you're young; there is no need to add your age like a shield.

Your song is fine. Sad, longing, and the music is, I hope, appropriate.

Now forget about the loser and get on with your life.