Is this appropriate?? Cont’d;

Question

I am interested in sparking more conversation on this subject;

A question was asked recently about using soap in children’s mouths as a punishment. I myself have used a drop of soap in the mouth for swearing and talking back; and find it very effective. Others agreed, disagreed, and had testament to the very experience. I myself had never had soap in my mouth; my mother used Tabasco sauce.

Not to pick on anyone, but to merely have an example, one answer in particular caught my eye, it stated “and then we wonder why our generation has so many ****** up people in it. Communicate!!!” I beg to differ, I feel as though past generations were generally better behaved due to the odd bar of soap in the mouth or smack on the butt than communication skills. Parents of yesterday didn’t have the fear of their children taken away because they spanked them or sent them to their room with no dinner.

This got me thinking; is this generation so ****** up because not enough parents are using the passive, apathetic, tree hugger approach to parenting? Or is it because not enough parents are dishing out 50 lashes?

And before I get a barrage of responses calling me a bad parent, understand that I do not beat my children. A smack on the butt once didn’t scar me for life and it surely won’t hurt them either.

Answer 1

I understand where you are coming from but I don't and can't agree.

I do not feel comfortable telling my children not to hit or use violence against anyone and then hit or use violence toward them.  I just can't justify it.  Why should I be allowed to hit my child just because I am bigger than them?  When does a 'smack on the butt' become a beating?  When you leave bruises?  When you hit them more than twice in a row?  Surely these things are subjective and in being so are open to misinterpretation.  I don't agree with 'policing' parents discipline techniques but where do you draw the line?

Believe me...I am no tree hugger, but I have a son who's nearly 4 and we have never had to smack him.  We talk to him, explain things and when he was too little to understand we had other ways of letting him know he had misbehaved or been disobedient.  We don't even shout at our children as we ask him not to shout at people (for example if a child at nursery hit him over the head with a little car I would not expect my son to turn to that child and scream at him - I would expect him to react and go for help from someone but not shout at the child in question).  If my son is in danger (eg: if he goes to run across a road without looking first) then we would raise our voice to shout 'stop'.  If our son hears us do that he stops dead as he knows he's in danger.

We are adults and much bigger than our children.  Do you not remember what it was like to be smacked and shouted at by your parents?  It can be very frightening for a small child.

When I need to tell my son off for doing something I get down on his eye level and talk firmly but calmly. If you lose your temper with your child then you've lost control.  If you've lost control, who is IN control?  You are the responsible adult.

I don't know.  I want my children to grow up to be good/responsible people who listen to authority and don't break the law but there are MUCH better ways at teaching your children to do that without hurting them physically or resorting to putting soap/tabasco sauce in their mouths.

God Bless Our Troops put it perfectly:  ''I agree that there is a lack of discipline with some of the kids today, but I dont think its because parents don't spank their kids. I think its because some parents just are not good parents and dont discipline in ANY way. Parents got lazy and its easier to let kids do as they please rather than have a struggle over trying to enforce any kind of discipline''.

Honestly, it takes alot more paitience and time to discipline your child/children without hitting, shouting at or 'soap' disciplining them in the beginning BUT if you put that effort out in the first place you'll reap the reward in the long term.  If you can be bothered to put in the effort in  from the beggining then there is less stress on parent and child and less disobidience dealt with in a much shorter, calmer, more productive way.

If you have children there you should be prepared to put the work in.

EDIT:  Sorry, having read some of your other answers I am appalled!  Why are people so convinced that you cannot possibly discipline your children effectively without the use of threats, violence (that's what it is when you smack your child, like it or not) or 'the old soap trick'?

That's so ridiculous I'm a bit stuck for words.....

Answer 2

I think a lot of today's youth have issues due to lack of discipline.  Their parents want to be their best friend instead of their parent.  They are scared to use certain disciplinary techniques, such as spanking, for fear of cps being called.  I think parents need to man up and teach their children how to behave and what they can and cannot do in the real world.  A major problem I see in my friends and family who are parents is inconsistency and making empty threats.  The kids see right through it.

My parents spanked us, although I don't remember it really, but never used the old bar of soap technique.  Because I've never experienced that one, I can't say that I will use it on my child.

Answer 3

I was raised in the south, and let me tell you, spankings and soap works. Lmfao.

And yes, I will raise my daughter the same exact way.

As long as you don't beat them hard enough to leave bruises, it's fine.

Answer 4

agreed totally

Answer 5

That's wrong. It's never appropriate to use soap in your children's mouths. Spanking is wrong, too. It's child abuse. Pick up a parenting book or take a parenting class, and they'll tell you that spanking does have a bad effect on children.

The proper way to discipline your children is to put them in time out, or take away their toy. You can't spank your children, or wash their mouths out with soap. It's totally wrong, backwards thinking.

Answer 6

A smack on the butt is one thing but soap or any thing is child abuse,

I was smacked a s a child only on an odd occasion on the butt and it did me no harm but with my kids i would never use soap.

Answer 7

lol.  I also read that post and that answer.  Communication doesn't always work.  My god people, kids respond to different methods of punishment.  Not every kid is going to respond to communication and a "go to your room!!"  Just because communication works for YOUR kid doesn't mean it will work for EVERYBODY'S kid, which is basically what this person was trying to say, agree?

I don't know about the people you know, but my parents are in their 60's and I think the people of that generation are at the most part, pretty well behaved.  It was probably in that generation where they were smacked and spanked worse than we give our kids today.

To answer your question, I think the parents of this generation and of teens are a little passive in their parenting.  Not all of them.  Some of them.  Some don't take the right approach and their kids steal, get arrested, do drugs, skip school, flunk out, whatever.  I was friends with a few labeled "troublemakers" in high school.  And you know what, the parents of these kids were never around.  You'd go to their house and their parents are in their room sleeping or being lazy or just not there.  Looking back today, I feel sorry for these kids because it wasn't their fault, it was their parents fault.  

Answer 8

I am a stay at home dad [yay!], and have been a teacher's assistant for grades K-7 grades.  So my experiences are a bit different than the generic parent, because I got to be a parent, teacher, coach, and for some a neighbor.

I see two differences in parenting types.  Type 1: The parent(s)

DO

Keep the kids accountable for their own actions.

DO

Let them know in a firm voice that actions, good or bad have consequences, and that rewards or punishments will be handed out.

DO

Let hem know that choices, good or bad have outcomes "we" may have to live with for a long time.

Parent Type #2.

DO use briebary as a form of behavior control.  ie.  give them a new nintendo game if they behave on our trip together.

DO want to be their kids "best-test" buddy to keep harmony in the household.  This never works and the kid gets spoiled rotten.

DO not like to enforce discipline upon kids because it makes them feel guilty, and they do not like to be involved in a confrontation.

The soap I never got, but it was never on the discipline menu.  No I would not use soap but no it is not harsk, unless it showed no positive results coming from the soap method.

Answer 9

I agree with you. Children nowadays get away with murder. I see that all the time I work at a summer camp and the way the children behave is just ridiculous. My children will get their mouths washed out with soap if the talk back, lie or curse. I also agree with spanking. of course everything can be taken overboard. Yes even time out. for example: In preschool I spent a lot of time in the time out chair. I never made a connection between the time out chair and the misbehavior. I got scared to go places and asked my mom if they have a time out chair. On the other hand when I was in 1st grade I misbehaved toward the teacher ( I still admire her today) once and she gave me a hard swat on the butt. I never misbehaved toward that teacher again because I made the connection that misbehavior = swat on the butt. My mom never cared about me cursing and I had a hard time stopping it in later years I thank my fiance for helping me with it . To all those liberals out there: STEP UP AND BE PARENTS

Answer 10

LOL, Was it my question about the soap that started this one??? :)

And I actually agree with you.  I think there is a severe lack of discipline in _most_ households in this day and age.  I don't know about the soap thing, but I do think I would use the hot sauce idea though.  :)

Answer 11

OHHH! Your supposed to use a bar of soap not liquid soap LOL!

I have not even thought about this with my daughter. I used to get a bar of soap in my mouth if I said cuss words. I don't think I would use that on my daughter though. It was not an effective punishment for me, I just said it where my parents couldnt hear. But I dont think it constitutes child abuse... unless your using real lye soap or something! Personally I don't think I would use soap in my kids mouths.

As far as spanking goes. I think there is a difference in spanking with your hand and being hit with a belt, paddle, switch, leather strap, hanger or whatever. I used to get hit with a belt alot and I think that was too much. I used to go to school with welps up and down my legs, couldn't wear anything but sweat pants because jeans rubbed the welts and it hurt. I spank my kids, but I will never hit them with anything other than my hand and only a swat to get their attention If I can't spank them hard enough or it hurts my hand, then I shouldnt even be spanking them at all because apparently I am too mad. After all discipline is about teaching them wrong from right, not inflicting physical pain on them as bad as you can. And already, being parent, I can tell a time out is much more effective punishment for my daughter than spanking.

I agree that there is a lack of discipline with some of the kids today, but I dont think its because parents don't spank their kids. I think its because some parents just are not good parents and dont discipline in ANY way. Parents got lazy and its easier to let kids do as they please rather than have a struggle over trying to enforce any kind of discipline.

Think about this, people also used to go out and work jobs they did not particularly want to because they HAD to, in order to put food on the table. Now alot of people would rather sit back and draw disability or unemployment when they are more than able to work... it all comes back to laziness.  

Answer 12

Just to know. I was beating with a belt when I was a kid( wasn't abused) as a form of punishment, and will probably do the same when I have kids. Just as long as you don't go overboard with it/ do it for a prolonged period of time/hit them in places like the face,head,or back, I like this method.

Answer 13

I beg to differ with whoever said we have a screwed up generation because of lack of communication!  I personally think we allow our children too much leeway and freedom, saying they are "expressing themselves".  Self expression is wonderful and I encourage it, but not to the point that some of these new age, permissive parents do.  Lack of discipline over all is a HUGE problem today and many parents who believe their children to be well mannered are blinded.

I am a full supporter of using spanking when certain situations call for it.  I'm not so much for the soap in the mouth, but that is personal preference.  I have had my share of spankings and I have had my mouth washed out with soap (I swished soapy water in my mouth, I didn't not literally eat soap).  I am not scarred, violent or damaged as these new age parents and so called child experts claim I should be.  My parents also very effectively communicated with me and we had very good open conversations on all subjects.  But we also were punished when needed.  

I also find it interesting that all these people claim spanking to be ineffective.  Ineffective for whom?  Your children?  Ok, that's fine, but you cannot argue with someone who has found it effective in their home.  Just because I choose spanking as one tool of discipline does not mean I don't know how to or I don't effectively teach and communicate with my children.  I really appreciate the fact that you had the stomach to say all of this.  I'm not saying that all parents must spank their children, but I *am* saying that too many (but not all) parents that do not spank let their children get away with things.  As long as your form of discipline works then more power to you, but it has to actually *work*.

I think that any time a child misbehaves or makes a mistake that the punishment must fit that unique "crime".  It's not always the same in our house.  It depends on the circumstances.

Answer 14

haha, i agree with you. I'm 17 and i've gotten whipped with a leather strap. and yes i had welts, but i deserved it. i also got the bar of soap in my mouth. deserved that too. it didn't hurt me none, my parents love me and i turned out great.