Is this behavior normal for the groom? Are wedding dreams normal for the bride?

Question

My fiance is a known procrastinator, but I would think since this is our wedding that he would make sure things got done. We are getting married next month on the 27th. He is just now sending out his invitations to his side of family and friends (which he had to have his redone because the rsvp date was back in 7/31/08) , just now getting the guys together to go and get sized for tuxes, has not gotten their gifts yet. I have been having dreams two nights in a row about things that will go wrong with my wedding day. Wrong flowers picked up, no one shows, groomsmen without tuxes, bridesmaids in the wrong colors. My MOH hasnt been any help but all of a sudden now she is all gunho about the bachlorette party and the shoes for the BM's and paying off my wedding cake which is her gift. I have been the only one getting things done from months back. Little by little purchasing and collecting and paying off things as I could. I know its about crunch time and I am trying not to become a BRIDEZILLA, but is seems that no one is taking this wedding seriously but me. am i overreacting? even me and the fiance have been arguing alittle these past three days and today is our 2nd out of 3 sessions with my pastor. I feel I should definately voice my concerns then, or should I just put it as wedding day jitters... please help.. first and last time bride..

Answer 1

I know that things like flowers, centerpieces, etc. seem like a really big deal when you are planning. I can tell you that they day of the wedding I didn't even notice the centerpieces that I had stressed so much about. The only thing I was focused on was my husband. Just know that even if it just was the two of you there it would be a beautiful day - but I honestly doubt that is going to happen. The people who are meant to be there on that day will be there. The bridesmaids, whether they have matching shoes or not, will be there for you. The groomsmen and groom will all have their tuxes. It really doesn't take that long to order the tux. One of my husbands groomsmen order his tux about 5 days before the wedding. It all worked out.

I know that it's hard, but it will work out and things will come together the way you want. It's perfectly okay to voice some of these concerns. It's better than keeping them all bottled up inside (at least in my opinion).

It sounds really corny, but one of the things that would cheer me up or stop me from being so stressed out was picturing myself in my wedding gown walking down the aisle and having my husband see me for the first time in my dress. It always brought a smile to my face and made me realize it would be worth it.  

Answer 2

i don't think you're over reacting, but there are some things you could have done as prevention.  yes, it's his gig to do tuxes, but you can relax on that.  your wedding is a month and a half away.  that's plenty time for tuxes.  as far as invitations...why didn't they all get sent out at once?  my hubby gave me a list of addresses, my sister addressed them all, and i mailed them out.  and why was your rsvp dat so early?  invitations go out 6-8 weeks before the actual wedding...you wanted your rsvp date 8 weeks before the wedding!  that's on you.  the MOH's job is to plan the bachelorette party.  that's her deal.  if you wanted her to do more, you needed to let her know that!  so yeah...i guess you are being a bit bridezilla-ish./  just take a step back and relax!  the more you plan, the more there is to mess up.  at this point, let things be.  if your fiance doesn't get things together with the tuxes, he'll figure something else out.  your cake is taken care of, your dress, the hall, everything else.  it's down to tuxes.  DEEP BREATH!

about your dreams...those are totally common...and they're not usually dreams.  they're absolutely horrible nightmares!  a week before my wedding i had one that i got a new tattoo...a giant purple box that fit across my entire back and shoulders.  of course it showefd over the top of my dress.  then we got to the reception and i had guests swinging from the chandaliers.  but they doint' mean anything.  my wedding went off without a hitch, everything was perfect, and no one knew how i freaked out that morning!  

looking bak on it though...i do remember about 2 months before the wedding crying in my then fiance's arms telling him we should have gone to vegas...

Answer 3

OMG this sounds like my question from a few weeks ago.  Men like to put thing off til the last minute.  Has he ever given you a reason to think he will let you down?  If not, then just roll with it.  It will all work out.  I know it is hard to get it all done when you don't have much help.  I had the same thing happen with my fiance and MOH.  Just remember, it is YOUR day.  Do things the way you want them done, and if that includes doing his duties to make sure they get done, then I would just start crossing stuff off the list.  If it was really important to him to do those things himself he would have already taken care of them.  Not to say he doesn't want to get married, men just don't understand the pressure of planning and why it is so important to a woman.  Good Luck!  And get yourself a massage if you can.  ; )

Answer 4

Ok from a MANs point of view on this. You girls need to really really understand this, it's very simple and I just can't understand why you girls have to keep wondering. Ok the wedding is for YOU, not us but for YOU!! Sure it shows our devotion we have toward you and I'm sure you like to think "Oh he is just as excited as I am" but we aren't. We HAVE to go through with it because that's what YOU want. So if your man hasn't got everything YOU want him to get done for YOUR big day, give him a break he is going through all this for YOU! Thank him for it.

Answer 5

maybe you should hire a wedding day director? fill her/him in on everything and let him go crazy on the wedding day!! i would be mad at my fianceif he was lazy about our wedding

Answer 6

I just got married a few weeks ago and this all sounds SO familiar.  I went through the bad dreams in the middle of the night that nothing would be done on time, to the stress with my groom and my MOH that they weren't getting things done on time.  I was still very happy with the way the wedding off came in the end.  

My recommendation from having survived the experience is that for now is to make sure that you move forward with the absolutely essential stuff.  When I knew that was taken care of, it helped me relax a little more.  Also, make a list of when stuff needs to be done by and try to stay a few days ahead of the curve.  Maybe tell your MOH and the groom that things have been done sooner than they really need to so that you won't be stressing out about on the very last day

Answer 7

Yes, you are overreacting.  Your fiance, as you originally stated, is a procrastinator- why on earth would you expect him to be efficient at getting invitations out on time or organizing a tux fitting?  You seem to be the organized one- clearly he needs your help.  My fiance is a master procrastinator also, so basically the only wedding-related duties I'm giving him are the "fun" ones that he is motivated to do, like help his best man plan the bachelor party, or make a list of all the types of alcohol he wants served at the reception.  I'm handling everything else, because I am a very organized person with good time-management skills.  I believe that, rather than try to change people, we should just celebrate their strengths and let them help in ways they're good at.  Lighten your fiance's load and accept him for who he is, because trust me, if my fiance was responsible for handling the invitations for his side, he'd probably just call everyone up the day before and be like, "Oh, hey, I'm getting married tomorrow- wanna come?" like it's a keg party or something. LOL

And in the end, who, besides you, will notice or care if something doesn't go exactly to plan?  Mellow out and remember that it's the marriage, not the wedding, that's of utmost importance.

Answer 8

This is TOTALLY normal! The month's not even over yet! If he did it next month then you could worry. Not now though! Your wedding is supposed to be a happy day not something you worry about like your birthday! It is supposed to be fun! Stop worrying! It'll be OK!  

Answer 9

Overreacting..sorry to say it but sister you went wrong when you gave him responsibilities. You knew he's a procrastinator why did you ever expect him to change. He will always be a procrastinator. Well I am getting married in a month, sooo excited. I am stress free basically because I planned the entire wedding myself, making all decisions. Not having input from friends, family, parents, etc...thats when it goes wrong bc you don't know what to do if your strings are being pulled in 7 dirrections. You are a BRIDEZILLA in everyones book. You are fighting with your fiance over stupid stuff. You should be taking time to enjoy the blissfullness of planning your wedding. Also, remember this is YOUR WEDDING and as much as you want him to be as excited as you are, hes not. He loves you and wants to spend teh rest of his life with you but he doesn't care about spending thousands of dollars on one day. Relax, but it sounds like its too late for that. If you could have done this all over again. I would say you should have did everything yourself and have fun with it and give him the fun responsibilities like bachor party, and best man stuff. I did not make my fiance do anything like invitations, flowers and cake, church, come on... he don't care so I wouldn't put him though the torture. Sorry to say but its too late now, all you can do is pick up all the pieces you shattered. : (