Is this better punctuation?

Question

Saturday morning

by Cynthia S.

"Morning has broken"

gray, moldy

sky crazed, cracked

broken by lightening.

a roar of pain

presaging rain.

Answer 1

1) I like the poem.

2) Better than what?

3)

As Verse hath no sentence

so it doth need no marks,

and if you markest it proper

I will beg your repentance,

for Verse hath no sentence

Answer 2

Excellent punctuation.  Visual and powerful poem with no wasted words.

Answer 3

Punctuating your Saturday mornings I see.  Wonderful things these periods and commas, colons and dashes and others.  c**p just never sounds the same without the !  Whatever!  This is still a very fine poem!  lol

Answer 4

yes of course

Answer 5

Some of these suggestions may just be my own style choices. I think the punctuation is mostly fine.

I don't think you need the quotes in line one. You may want to add a comma after "moldy". You may want to add a colon after "lightening".

That's it.

Answer 6

I know it's a little picky, but I found that I preferred to read it like this!





Morning has broken!

gray, moldy

sky crazed, cracked

broken by lightening.

A roar of pain

presaging rain.

I felt a little more stress on the first line gave a sense of link to to a further concept, which then added a slight sense of irony to the whole theme!



I found it quite profound, there is a lot of great interpretation involved.

Very nice piece of art.

Thank you

Answer 7

After 'moldy'...a comma or a '...'

After 'lightning.' 'a' should be capitalized.

I'm done now....good morning!

Answer 8

Very good .... much better...

Keep it up...practise makes perfect...

Chaos and confusion...I've created....

My work here is done....

Have a good day !!!!

♥♥