Is this book good or bad? Please tell me, i just started anyway.?

Question

Hey you guys. Um, i just started writing this book yesterday, and i just wated to know if it's good or bad? Please tell me, and give me ideas

The White Nights.

Stella

I flopped on my bed, and cried. I missed Chrissy Anne extremely. It’s funny how much I could actually miss my step mom, but, here I am, missing her with all my heart. I pulled my pillow over my head, and more tears soaked my bed. Someone knocked on my door, and stepped in.

“Go away!” I moaned, and threw the pillow at the someone.

“Please Sis, talk to me.” Kimberlee whimpered, and stomped her foot.

When I didn’t answer, she stomped her foot again.

“Stella.” She whined.

I looked up at my sister, she was wearing her baggy black sweatpants, and had on a tight white short-sleeve shirt. Her long black hair was pulled together in a messy pony tail, and her face was flawless, but she had bags under her eyes.

I patted the bed beside me, for my 15 year old sister to come sit on. She ran over and slumped on the bed.

Me and Kimberlee used to get along like peanut butter and jelly, ha, that’s a funny way to put it. But we sort of clicked, we used to tell each other everything, and we never held back. But ever since Chrissy Anne left my dad, I never really shared anything with her anymore, I was always too depressed. At first Chrissy Anne was just one of my dad’s friends, she was always there with me, helping me getting through my cancer, and my mom leaving because she couldn’t deal with all this financial problems.

Then she became my dad’s shoulder to cry on, and then eventually he asked her to marry him.

I sighed. “I’m sorry Kimbee. I really am.”

She reached over and ran her fingers through my silk black hair, and then she started crying. I reached over and touched the droplets dropping from her shut eyes, and then hugged her.

“Don’t cry, everything’s going to be all right.”

She pushed me away from her, she looked furious. “No! No, nothing’s going to be all right. You have cancer, and you’re dying every minute. And Chrissy Anne is gone! And you were starting to look better when she was here, and she helped you! All we are doing is sitting here doing nothing!”

I grabbed her hand, today was a good day. I felt a little energized, I actually went for a walk this morning. But, yesterday was a bad day, I could barely get out of bed.

I felt tears fall from my eyes; I wasn’t ready to die yet. I had so many things in life unopened.

“I know, but they are making some cures, kimbee Cakes.” I called her that to make her smile, and sure enough, she smiled.

“So, there is no need to cry.” I paused, then took a deep breath, “How is your little boyfriend.”

She frowned, “I dumped that big jerk.” She said solemnly.

“Then why do you look so sad.” I said.

She made a angry face. “He said, ‘oh, how’s your gorgeous, sister. The cancer freak.’”

I looked down, why would Leo say such a thing? I mean, ever since I got cancer, I thought I became kind of ugly. Because I am always pale, my eyes, which used to be a brilliant color teal. (I don’t know how I had teal eyes, but that’s just what color they were.) Now, my eyes are a light gray, and guys always say they drown in them, that they are gorgeous, but, to me, they just look scary. And I am so thin, not in a bad one. But I don’t even have any curves, it’s like I just have big b***s, and that’s all. I don’t know how guys call me gorgeous at all.

Why would Leo say that about me, in front of my sister!? She liked him a whole lot, and then he just went and broke her heart. How dare him! How dare he do this to her!

My heart started pounding in my chest, and sweat was beading down my back.

“Uh oh.” I whispered, I felt my chest heaving, and my blood boiling. My veins felt on fire, and my stomach started churning, I quickly grabbed the trashcan beside my bed, and threw up.

My sister started screaming, “Daddy! Daddy! Come quick, she’s throwing up, we need to give her, her medicine!”

I heard my dad stomping up the stairs, I threw up in the trash again. Someone wrapped a wet cloth around my forehead, and something pinched the inside of my elbow.

I felt absolutely horrible, my blood felt like it was boiling inside me, and veins burned horribly.

“Honey! Honey, are you okay?” My dad cried.

My sister was weeping and screaming in the corner, “Dad! Dad, don’t let her go.”

My dad turned to her. “She won’t take chemo, she knew this would happen!”

My sister started screaming, and she held her head in her hands.

I forced myself to speak, “9…… 9….. 1…1.” I whispered hoarsely.

I looked up at my dad, he had tears streaming down his eyes, and I couldn’t bare it.

I burst into tears.

He threw himself down on the floor beside me, and more sobs broke out.

“Honey, are you in pain? Why are you crying?” He screamed.

I tried wiping my eyes, but my hands wouldn’t move, “because you are.”

And with that, everything went black.

Kimberlee

I looked down at Stella, she was as white as computer pape

Answer 1

it was okay i liked it. but dont compare her to as white as a computer screen, thats lame. same something like as white as snow or something and teal eyes and big b***s?? the teal eyes is okay but i dont think you should say big b***s

Answer 2

Wow!

Good story!

=]

Please help with my QS:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 3

It seems like a good start to the story. But as a writer I can tell you that you're most likely going to have to rewrite it and revise it. The best advice I can give you is to rewrite and revise it. You should also use more colorful adjectives to describe things---I liked the teal part very much, you don't hear about that every day but is is believable, which I like.

However the peanut butter and jelly part struck me because she said ha. I'm not trying to be anal about it, but the ha seems not needed.

I think this has great potential. I think you should keep going with it. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to email me. =)

Answer 4

i read the first line, skimmed- no, thank you.  teal eyes and big b***s.  i think that chick bagged my groceries last night.  you just started, too, it's hard to gather much interest when there's so very little.

Answer 5

Well its not bad but it needs work. Whenever someone speaks they can just have 'said' something rather than whimperd, screamed, whined etc. Its over written but don't worry thats easy to fix. Its a bit too 'guys think im gorgeous' which makes us instantly not like the main character. Its still quite good and the story is laid out well. With some editing and more writing it should be fine. You have potential, now keep writing!!

Good luck!