Is this cheating.......?

Question

My ex started writing to me before I got married(that was 5 years ago!) and I replied back saying we would remain friends. Then he too got married and we both got on with our lives. There was always occassional emails about usual stuff and nothing much. Of late, he sent me a mushy email saying he still loves me and has always been in love with me. Though flattered, I wrote back to him saying I love him too but as a friend. Now I am little confused and worried whether I should continue on keeping in touch with him. I feel as if I am encouraging him to write more often and opening his heart and feelings. I know I wouldn't like a bit if my husband was doing this but is this cheating? Should I stop it?

Answer 1

Let him know that you would only like to be friends and nothing more period!! If he continues on this path then you will not return is emails. If you let this pattern of talk go on maybe your feelings will return as well and you know what happens next.

Answer 2

Your not cheating but he has crossed the line and it is time to put an end to your friendship. Its probably a good idea anyway. Like you said you wouldn't like it if your husband were doing it.

So if you end it now no harm done.  

Answer 3

Yes you should stop cause you are encouraging him and he will keep writing.

Just forget about him and concentrate on your husband and marriage instead.

Answer 4

Yes it is cheating and you know very well it is cheating and you need to stop all communication with your ex, he only wants to try to get you as backup, don't fall for that and lose your own marriage over your ex. Not worth it.

Answer 5

No, it's not cheating. I would put the line down (let him know the messages remain on a friend only basis) and if he crosses the line again, stop the contact. If he respects you, he will keep everything on a friendship level.

Answer 6

You KNOW the answer to this question already! What would YOU do if it was your husband doing it wiith his ex?  You would consider it cheating, or at least not above board, so yes, stop it immediately!  

Answer 7

You must learn to listen to your inner voice.  That voice will tell you things that will keep you from doing things you will regret or be hurt by.  Ask yourself why he is sharing things with you instead of his wife?   Ask yourself how you would want your husband to handle the same situation if an old girlfriend began contacting him.   Are you hanging on to him too and why?!  

Here is some good reading:

http://marriage.about.com/od/infidelity/...

http://www.dearpeggy.com/emotional.html

http://artofmanliness.com/2008/03/13/14-...

http://www.foreverfamilies.net/xml/artic...

http://gailsaltz.ivillage.com/love/archi...

Answer 8

If you're keeping it from your husband, there's something wrong. You should either come clean to your husband about the whole thing, including how your ex feels about you, or stop.  

Answer 9

Yep, you need to stop, it's only making it harder to move with each of your lives.

Answer 10

Yes you should BOTH stop.

Answer 11

I think you have already answered your on question. No it's not cheating but maybe you should let your husband know just in case somewhere down the line he finds this all out he may not be to happy that you kept it from him. So let your friend know that you can no longer keep in touch with him because it's not fair to anyone involved. Good Luck!

Answer 12

Yesssss you should stop. He has feelings for you, which means it needs to STOP.

Answer 13

thats crazy im too in the same situation and i feel guilty talking to my ex he started emailing me a couple months ago and weve been talking ever since but just as friends he has said he still loves me but i make sure he knows we are just friends and when we speak over emails its normally about regular convos you would carry on with an actual friend i know he would always be there for me but i know if things crossed the line i would have no choice but to cut things off i know he wants to be back with me but i let him know that i am with someone and that thats not going to happen. but i guess it depends on how u feel i know i said the same thing i said i wouldnt like it if my boyfriend was talking to his ex i know i would be uncomfortable but i guess if you know your not doing any thing and its not getting carried away or crossing the line i kinda feel like theres no prob just being friends /// especially if you have kids its a good thing to still be kinda close on a  certain level with  your ex cause yall still share life

Answer 14

If there are not kids involved you would be best off stopping communication.  You have not done anything wrong IMO, you answered his email the best way you knew how w/out hurting his feeling while letting him know his place.  Let it go at that.

Good luck!

Answer 15

I don't think it's cheating since you were clear you wanted to be only friends. However since he has stated that he still loves you I would suggest cutting contact with him before anyone gets hurt.

Answer 16

Not exactly cheating since you didn't say it back.

If it was me in that situation I'd cut all contact. Not a good idea because it's not fair on your partner. You say you wouldn't like it if your husband did it to you.

Either you'll lead them on and have them thinking you're interested or you'll be tempted into cheating.

Answer 17

It is best if you just cut the line right now because it might lead onto bad things. If want to remain friends, the only thing to do is to tell him to stop doing what he's doing and if he continues, you must stop responding to him.