Is this email OK? Persuasive...?

Question

To whomever it may concern,

I'm enquiring as I'd like to find out if (local) Council has anything in place to help school leavers financially - who are going into further education.

I've just finished my GCSE's and left school. I've enrolled in A-levels at (local) College ((local) Campus). However, for ('certain course') I would have to travel to the (different town) Campus (which is over eight miles from my home), one day a week.

Is it possible to get financial help to cover the costs of travel? A free bus pass or free train tickets for example.

If this isn't possible have you any suggestions as to what I could do. I feel it's unfair that I'll be missing such an opportunity otherwise. :(

Thank you.

(name).

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Couple of questions...

Is it OK? I'd like it to be quite emotive and persuasive if possible.

Is it OK to use a >> sad face :( considering it's supposed to be informative, yet is coming from a young person?

What do you think? Help please. :)

Answer 1

don't use the sad face thing.

Answer 2

You will never know if you don't send it. Wrap it up in any parcel you like but send it.

Answer 3

No sad face that's childish, you may be a young person but you're not 3. If you're seriously thinking of going to college you'll need to mature and learn some professionalism.

Also, ask the college! Your local council won't be interested in you! They can't help, it's your college that helps. If you've applied for courses they should have told you this. Assuming you're in UK apply for the Learner Support Fund. Speak to Learner Services at the college or just speak to your tutor and they'll point you in the right direction.

Just don't bother with the letter hun.

Good Luck

Answer 4

Don't use the sad face looks too uinprofessional and you should be trying to prove you are mature. Is it possible for you to get EMA? I would send the letter but also enquire to the bus/train company you would be using at how much a ticket would cost and talk to your college tutor to see if you can get any further, if it comes to the worst there might be other courses you can do. Good luck.