Is this essay grammatically ok?

Question

This summer was different. Never have I ever been this much excited for summer as much as for this summer. I expected to spend much time with all the new friends from freshman year. It was week before the summer started, when my summer dream was shattered; my mom told about the family trip to Seoul, S Korea. To be in foreign country for whole summer without any friends or beach or the mall was unimaginable! So with anger and disappointment, we left California. Once I arrived in Seoul, everything was to my dislike: overly populated city, no American show on TV, International Academy which I had to attend, humid and hot weather etc. I spent days after days damning my summer and missing California.

It was half way through the summer at Seoul, when I realized I could still have fun summer in Seoul. I was wasting my summer missing California when I had whole new and different city in front of me. My nostalgia for California was stopping me from having fun in Seoul. I took subway and bus everyday to go to any places; I made friends from all kinds of countries at the International Academy; I went shopping to the biggest shopping streets in Seoul; I saw the river that actually flows; I went to the beach that was so clear that I could see the school of fishes swimming; I walked among the crowds in the streets of dizzy city; All the things that I cannot do in Ventura. I finally had fun when I stopped missing California.

And I learned. I learned that already filled bag cannot be filled with any new experiences and new memories. I couldn’t see the Seoul and all the fun I could have had because I was only looking across the Pacific Ocean, to California.

If I have one suit case to pack and to leave to new place, I would pack absolutely nothing. I would leave it empty with openness, eagerness, and enthusiasm to welcome the new adventure. I would leave it empty to fill it with new knowledge, experiences, and memories. Because why dwell in the past which I will never be able to return to and when I have the present to enjoy. Life is adventure.

Answer 1

No.  This essay is wordy in some places and missing words in other places.

"Never have I ever been this much excited for summer as much as for this summer" is a a very wordy statement try simplifying it to "I had never been so excited for a summer break as I had been for this break." or "I looked forward to this summer more than any other summer."

Also you may want to consider using periods instead of semicolons in the second paragraph.  Short sentences (which the periods would crate) convey excitement and fun much more so than semicolons.

Just some tips.

Also though you may be showing your own style "this much" is grammatically incorrect and by adding another much in the sentence you become slightly redundant which subtracts from the message of the essay.  I like you message so I am trying to help you say it in the best way possible.

Also, LOL at oldman after his tirade he forgets an indefinite article himself.

Answer 2

Grammatically it is a virtual train crash - bloody awful, to use  the vernacular.

It reads as if you've lazily translated it back from some sort of text message written by someone who has never paid attention to grammar ( or perhaps learned English as other than a first language).

Perhaps you could start by learning the concept of an "indefinite article"

either "ä"or "an"- you didn't use either. I do suspect you learned English as a subsequent language, in which case it gets an"Ä"for effort.

If I ignore the grammar ( or lack thereof!) then I think the general idea of the essay is good.

Maybe a more experienced and literate observer may notice a resemblance to more erudite essay based on similar feelings ( "ring a bell"anyone?)

OK I made a typo - BUT

The person who actually dared to criticised me made at least two:

"Short sentences (which the periods would crate) convey excitement and fun much more so than semicolons."

AND

"I like you message so I am trying to help you say it in the best way possible."

No-one is perfect, but I'm the best you get~!!

Les

Answer 3

This summer was different. Never have I ever been this much excited for summer as much as for this summer. I expected to spend plenty of time with all the new friends from freshman year. It was one week before the summer started when my summer dream was shattered, because my mom told me about our upcoming family trip to Seoul, S Korea. To be in a foreign country for a whole summer without any friends or beach or the mall was unimaginable! So with anger and disappointment, I left California. Once I arrived in Seoul, everything was to my dislike: an overly populated city, no American show on TV, International Academy which I had to attend, humid and hot weather, etc. I spent days after days damning my summer and missing California.

It was half way through the summer at Seoul when I realized I could still have a fun summer in Seoul. I was wasting my summer missing California, when in fact I had a whole new and different city in front of me. My nostalgia for California was stopping me from having fun in Seoul. I took the subway and rode a bus everyday to go to many places; I made friends with people from all kinds of countries at the International Academy; I went shopping in the biggest shopping streets in Seoul; I saw the river that actually flows; I went to the beach that was so clear that I could see the school of fishes swimming; Last but not least I walked among the crowds in the streets of the so-called dizzy city. I did all the things that I cannot do in Ventura! I finally had fun when I stopped missing California.

And I learned. I learned that an "already filled bag cannot be filled with new experiences and new memories". I couldn’t see the Seoul and all the fun I could have had, because I was only looking across the Pacific Ocean- to California.

If I have one suitcase to pack to leave to a new place, I would pack absolutely nothing. I would leave it empty with openness, eagerness, and enthusiasm to welcome the new adventure. I would leave it empty to fill it with new knowledge, experiences, and memories. Because why dwell in the past which I will never be...

(I wouldn't change the sentence with the words: "Never have I ever been....", because this shows your very own style.... your very own way of expression. This is what makes this writing yours)