Is this good enough?

Question

A friend requested me to ask some people if her essay was good enough. She said it's part of her college application. The essay question/theme is about her experience or accomplishments that have helped her define her as a person. She doesn't have a title yet and she told me that she feels like the essay is dull, boring and weak. So I'm here to ask other people's opinion about it O:

I didn't wanna post it so I just uploaded it in MU. Here's the link http://www.megaupload.com/?d=LO85WXG0

Please tell me what you honestly think about it. If you have any corrections, suggestions or anything, please include it. My friend really needs it and she's pressuring me because this is due either tomorrow or friday.

Answer 1

i would but it won't let me see it.

Answer 2

There are some strengths and definitely some weaknesses.

Email me, let me know if you want a detailed assessment.  I won't re-write it, but I can give some suggestions.