Is this good enough...

Question

to enter into a high school poetry competition? (im 14/15 - in yr 10)

Title - Free Falling

Sometimes I feel so hollow, like the sun will never shine

Trapped in my chamber of mercy, I leave the world behind

I lay upon my bed and cry, my tear drops bound with fear

I look around for hint of life and realise no one’s near

The nights they roll past faster now, the months more of a haze

I turn away my best friends’ smiles, my mothers caring gaze

I trap myself inside my head, slowly going mad

Caught in a tarn of metaphors, I’m empty filled with bad

Help me, please – I’m slipping, help me please I cry

My eyes burst open fearful; they look up to the sky

I’m grabbed and lifted from my darkness; the sun is out, my sign

Life is what you make it. I’m taking it – it’s my time to shine.

p.s. - what did you think about it?

p.s.s. its originalby the way - no plagerism used

Answer 1

that's really good. one small suggestion - the meter seems a little ragged in the last line. If you cut "I'm taking it" I feel like it would flow better with the rest of the poem. That's just my suggestion.

Answer 2

i think it is really good submit and if they don't like it it is their lost

Answer 3

That's really amazing. You should write a book.

Answer 4

thats great. you could definitely enter it.

the first person was right. that would be perfect for a chicken soup for the teen's soul book

Answer 5

wow...maybe you could submit that to the Chicken Soup books

it's REALLY good, i wish i could write poems