Is this good writing for a 13 year old?

Question

Please tell me what you think. ♥

{Diane's Point Of View}

The loud buzz of the intercom over Marsh Prep High, was letting us know their was an announcement to be made. Thinking it was about a meeting for the student council members, which would include me, being the head of it, but it sure wasn't.

"Will Sydney Gianetto please report to the principal's office -- at this very minute!" Mrs. Marvetti seemed extremely angry with something. I rolled my eyes, What has Syd gotten herself into now? My friend, the trouble-maker. She was always getting herself into something else. She doesn't take her Spy work seriously.

I walked with my heavy load of books, to class #244 It was time to learn the 'Importance' Of Things, the class was called. I pictured what Syd was doing right now, walking down the hall with a grin on her face?

Answer 1

I like it. Sure there are errors and whatnot, but as far as substance it's interesting. The writer has a lot of potential.

Answer 2

You have talent and need to let it show. Complete the story and have a friend or family member to critique it. Make sure to be aware of run-on sentences and other minor problems. When you experience writer's block stop and take a break. Keep the plot strong and keep writing. Hope this helps.

Answer 3

The Idea is nice

but your grammer is not so good And your sentences seem to never end. Although they do it's just to much information in them.

Answer 4

the grammar could use work but yeah, that writing makes me personally feel like I am walking with the characters. I hope it helps

Answer 5

I like the concept and story idea, but the writing needs some cleaning up.  Go ahead and just keep writing.  Cleaning it up later is easier than generating the material.  If you struggle with recognizing grammatical errors, find someone to help you out (school librarian, teacher, college student).

Answer 6

thats awesome! i think the last sentence is the first paragraph is a run-on though.

Answer 7

Okay, but nothing special. Some thirteen year olds have been published.

Never, EVER, put "So-and-so's point of view" in your writing. You'll never find it in a book. If we can't tell, you need to write it better.

There, not their, and no comma before was.

Your second sentence doesn't make sense - did you leave out something?

Does anyone say "at this very minute"? Sounds very stilted and not much like real dialogue to me.

Don't use things that can't be pronounced. If you wanted to say "number" 244 then write out "number". And take another look at that sentence:

I walked with my heavy load of books, to class #244 It was time to learn the 'Importance' Of Things, the class was called.

It simply isn't a sentence. What is the class called, and what are all those random capital letters and quotes for?

But having said all that, you've set up an interesting situation and already given us an insight into your characters. It's a good start.

If you like writing - and really do want to know what people think, not just to be told how wonderful you are - I recommend fanlib.com. They have lots of authors of all ages and a huge section for original fiction.

Answer 8

very nice writiing you have a quality in you what shows you can imagine things and everything i like it alot makes you think lyk how and how if you get me no probz with it so dont worry

Answer 9

Yes, that's fairly good. You do have some big grammar issues to deal with, but other than that you're fine! Good work!

Answer 10

Grammatically, sentence structure-wise, there are some errors. If you need help correcting it, ask your teacher to look it over and give you some pointers But its a good start. The first paragraph is a good attention getter but, as someone else said, it has a strange run on sentence at the end. Also, the punctuation needs some work. But for 13 (I gather this is a school project) its not bad...just keep writing, correct a few things and read it out loud. See if it flows correctly and makes sense.

Answer 11

thats awesome.

i write good, but not that good.

my friend can write amazingly.

im working on details and stuff.